Hope

Hiya SA,

Glad to see you back in fighting form. Your no quitter...well done!!

Love Del x

Ive not melted away mate...sorry to read of your recent slip...just remember you inspired me with your 1000+ days abstainence and showed we must always be on guard against this evil...slips will happen as long as not an everyday occurrance and although disappointing its still better than permanently stuck on them machines...chin up mate we can do this 😉

Hi SA

Good to see you keeping up the fight after your recent slip. It certainly aint easy mate, but its something we HAVE to do, not CHOOSE to do. All we can do is keep fighting and hope that will make life a little easier,

Take Care

Blues

Hiya SA

Thanks for popping in..nice to hear from you...was just thinking..do you think it would be a good idea on your next payday to entrust your money with a family member? ...just for a while. I know you pretty much cope with this all on your own..bit like myself.

Just to have that support to build yourself up financially again? and the removal of any temptation? might be beneficial? Thought I'd put the idea to you...even though I hesitate to do so..cos I know....with this recovery.. you know what you have to do. ...Willing the very best for you.

Love Del x

Well done on the 10 mile run but so sorry to hear of you little setback.

And it seems to have been a little setback as you did the right thing by coming back on here and admitting all.

You will fight back from this just like you have done before. Now make this new gamble-free run last for the rest of your life!

All the best.

GT

Thanks for your support folks. I will comment more later in the weekend. But for now i just wanted to say that am gamble free and have just finished 8 weeks into my new job.. so well done to me. Thanks for listening.. S.A

Congratulations on 8 weeks in your new job. I know you have had to really work at certain aspects of it, so well done you. High five!!!

Thanks f 🙂

I am feeling a little stronger a little more motivated as far as not gambling goes.. day 15 since my last episode. Ive pretty much come to terms with the money lost though still upset with myself for how frugally ive had to live the last two weeks. Thoughts still persist. My gambling head says, pay day is not far away and if you gambled a few pounds just before pay day it wouldn't matter if you lost.

It would matter of course.. the money left over can either go towards getting ahead on rent and bills or as savings. The classic sign of an addict... the day before pay day.. not having any money at all. For a while a couple of years ago i had savings of 4 figures. I felt so much more secure having money in the bank for a rainy day or to treat myself.

I think one of the things that currently motivates me not to gamble is the scary thought of losing my tenancy, losing the roof over my head.. which could happen so easilly. Once in rent arrears and on a low wage it becomes so hard to get back to an even keel. I like my home. I am not in rent arrears and have no plans to go there and the best way of not going there is not to gamble.

Like Del suggested i have put some simple things in place for pay day that will help me should the urge to gamble strike. I also fully intend to re-exclude myself from certain places. Self-exclusion does work for me. The only time I ever walked into a place I was excluded from I was surrounded by every member of staff within 5 minutes and told to leave. They did there job.. i thanked them. This time it will be a 5 year or a life time exclusion.

Anyway thats me. I will post again in my own diary in a week or so or earlier if I need to. half-marathon coming up next weekend.. am looking forward to it. Thanks for listening.. S.A

Hi SA, I've just read your last post and I was left thinking......what are you waiting for? Self exclude now and do it for life not five years. You know all this...right? I hope the half goes well.....you can only do your best and considering your injury, it will be a result to get it finished. All the very best, Russ

yes russ.. the self-exclusions for life will happen.. am feeling a bit stronger as far as the not gambling goes.. day 17 today.

Its funny how things change at work. The chap that started on the same day as me has already left and under a dark cloud. As far as myself well am use to the driving now and i don't mind it so much. The only problem is that half the time I just don't know what to say to the other support staff when on these long drives. Am not very good at chit chat.

Most of the staff are about 15 years younger than me and spend much of their time furiously texting and doing whatever else people do on their phones or ipads or whatever they are called. Then there is much discussion of whats happening on facebook. Ive never been on facebook. I feel old and to be honest the latest phones and gadgets and social networking sites I have no interest in. If only I could say the same for gambling.

The one thing that gets my goat though is this. Even if youve got nothing in common with a work collegue or you just plain don't like them... in my world you still are polite and proper. By that i mean things like "good morning" and "until tomorrow then" and just simply "acknowledging"your collegues.

Its like today we get off the minibus after a 2.5 hour drive dropping everyone off and then everyone just disappears. I just find it a bit rude. I don't especially care whether people like me or don't like me but acknowledging each other in a decent way.. it just makes things better and more pleasant doesnt it?? .. or amm i being over sensitive. Is this just me or is it something that comes with age. Anyways i just needed to offload really. Thanks for listening.. S.A

Hi SA,

Just reading throug th early pages of my diary and thought I would pop by your diary and say thank you for your support especially in the beginning of my recovery it really helped and I do appreciate it.

All the best.

Jim

Your welcome Jim... unfortunately I am no longer any sort of role model... in fact I am a very sick puppy just now. Ive been struggling since the start of the year so yesterday I decided to get a life times exclusion from this 24 hour arcade that ive given myself so much grief in... but not before I pumped £300 of money I don't have into said machines. The lady could see what a complete loon I was just pumping money in and was eager for me to sign. Self-exclusion does work for me.. the only time ive ever walked into a place that ive been excluded from I was quickly surrounded by all the staff and told to leave. That was a nice feeling that self-exclusion can work.

Anyway I am full of self-loathing today and I am in a whoile heap of s**t with no money to pay bills or even food until pay day which luckilly is only 2 days away but even then I can only pay the essentials. I will also have big costs to pay for going over drawn again and without an overdaft facility. They waved the fees last time.. they won't do it this time.. though I will ring them to grovel. I feel so ashamed and angry with myself. I just want to hide under my duvet and cry. I'm not very good at life.

This is my last rock bottom folks. I can't take any more. I really can't take anymore. I can do this. I can't continue to live on the edge financially but more importantly emotionally. Its killing me, literally. I choose recovery.

The flip side of all of this is that i had quite a nice weekend with family. I ran the said half-marathon and got a pb of 1 hour 52 which was great considering it had a big hill in it. Anyway I guess its time to face reality and find my way forward.

No f*****g gambling!!

Gee ive just read my own post. How many times have I said similar stuff before. I just feel like a complete failure and a loser. Round and round the same old patterns of behaviour. I am a joke

SA,

hugs to you.

You are not a joke, you're a compulsive gambler. That's what we do when the addiction kicks in.

The GA book says to stay out of all gambling establishments and to stay away from people who gamble (in the early days at least).

Brush yourself down SA, say a big f*****k You to gambling. You will sort this and the PIG of an addiction can go to hell forever, leaving a happy and free SA.

more hugs,

Brian

I'm in the same place as you at the moment mate, absolutely sick of failing in recovery. Every so often I press the self destruct button.

As MD says mate, dust yourself down and keep fighting. I know its easier said than done as I too am struggling with it.

all the best mate