Hope

Hi S.A,

I just wanted to say good luck and all the best from a new member in town, I have not read yoour full diary yet but looking forward to readng yours and many more, but your opening post was spot on!

Keep on and all my best on this recovery!

Pete

SA, thanks for popping by. Yes, running has been great (apart from the aches an pains). I'll be going for a time under 1.50 as well. Could we be in the same race?? The one I'm running is pretty flat....so maybe not. Keep up the good fight and enjoy next week....it sure beats filling that fruitie. Russ

Thanks for your input guys and gals.

Well its Sunday evening again. Am full of trepidation about the working week ahead. Weve got 2 male members of staff off sick this week.. so for me it means lots of time with the most challenging male client and lots of driving. I don't mind the driving but its the being left in unsafe situations with this particular client that worries me. He has no appreciation of or empathy for other people and how his behaviour impacts on them... such is the autistic world. When he is angry he could potentially kill someone. There will be moments of real tension and pressure am sure. Its tension and pressure I don't need in my life but this continues to be my reality until I find an out. Am still going round in circles. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Otherwise things are ok. Am enjoying my running as always. Did a bit more decorating this weekend which am pleased about. Financially I am in a better place than i was.. which we always are when the gambling stops aren't we? Its all relative of course. I'd love to have a few grand in the bank so if the job gets too much I can just leave but i haven't so i can't.. just like much of the population I guess.. ordinary living day to day.. just getting by.

Its the relentlessness of it I think.. just more of the same... seems never ending. Bit depressed at this moment in time I think.. though earlier i was feeling happy and cheerful. Moods constantly changing. Onwards and forwards eh. Time to put the positve hat back on. No gambling problems. Thanks for listening.. S.A

Last gamble 24th December 2011

SA,

long time no speak.

Every now and then there is a real gem of wisdom on these boards. Today you nailed it.... well, it stood out for me anyway. It was on blues' diary and the sentence was....."Its the first bet that does the damage".

That single point has made the difference to me because there have been times when my mind says that having a bet is a simple and insignificant thing to do. For a compulsive gambler, that is pure addiction talking.

Great to see you doing well.

Brian

Hi SA,

as you know, I relate to having a job that is not ideal. I have not been well the last few days - anxiety levels higher than I would like - so I have had a couple of days off sick. Not going to win any prizes for attendance, but who gives a f**k eh? It is isn't enough to lose my job either - so why worry? I do my job to the best of my ability, and seem to do ok.

Could you maybe do a sticky plaster job too? I think for yourself, it may be a case of learning when the pressure is reaching that point where you are at risk, and just taking a couple of days on the sick. It doesn't suddenly make your job wonderful, but it just gives you a break.

It is far preferable to re-entering that vicious cycle you talk about, and much easier on the pocket. I think you are certainly capable of recognising the signs. Perhaps that is all the change you need to keep you going for now?

Thanks for your support re my troubles by the way. I am proud of myself for phoning in sick, and will go back to work tomorrow, refreshed and with a 3 day week. In the past I may have soldiered on.....but what for? I am learning how to take better care of myself, as I think you are too.

Take care,

f x

Hi Freda... what a timely intervention. I am at risk today I recognisie it clearly. I was ready to have a shouting match with boss today and the only thing that stopped me was that a social worker was visditing. I need to vent....

The day started off fine. Walked to work, picked up some clients, spent much of the day with the most challenging client, which i had pre-pared myself for and i'd done a good job with keeping the client on an even keel.. even though i was left with him with f*** all support.

Anyway then the payslips arrived. Where's my overtime for hours worked in February?? Boss tries to fob me off by syaing its paid in arrears and you'l get it in april.. but doesn't paid in arrears mean that stuff worked in Feb you get paid in march (we get paid at end of month)?? My suspicious mind says that she reckons that i'll just forget about it... It amounts to £50 which ain't much to many people but when your a poor B*****r like me... it makes a big difference.

I thought we had a deal you see.. ive been working extra as toil cos we are so short staffed and so few drivers but the hours ive worked in the evening we agreed i be paid for... and if i don't get paid for them.. then am doing my contracted hours only. I hate my boss and so does everyone else at our palce of work.

Ive got 2 days to survibe until a few days off. Yes i am soldering on, going round the same old s**t. Am going for a run...... fuccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Do you know what its not actually the money so much (well it is and it isn't)... its the being used and taken for a mug... ****** witch

Am a gentle kind heardted person most of the time... i hate feeling this way

Hi .SA!

I once told a narcissistic person with a personality disorder they needed help...The thing is they said I was the one who needed help...

I just wanted to say I have been examining you very first post and I feel the need to copy and paste it to my diary..Because I think it really suits the way I feel right now.

Easy life

hiya SA ...just want to contribute to this thread which may or may not make sense....narcissists are dark people who are often attracted to the light...

No matter what your demons you are not dark and are a person who is in the lightness...

I also work in the caring professions and have realised that we are people who need to protect ourselves the most from "pyshcic vampires" who will drain you of everything.

Don't even let this woman in on any level if you can help it..block her at all times if you can by limiting the amount of contact you have with her.I know its difficult but she will probably be feeding off your reaction to this if you let her and getting some warped kick.

I don't want to believe people in the world operate like this but sadly they do and they get there hooks in like a parasites on a host if you allow. It is then us that become infected, reality is twisted round and good people like you are scapegoated..

The darkest person I ever met was a chap in Glastonbury who was working as a Reflexologist...darkness attracted to the light again like a moth to a flame.

Shes playing a game ..refuse to play.She will then find another victim.

take care and sending good vibes to offset any bad work vibes....fighting the invisible is hard but with people naming it and shaming it it will soon be outed..Shine the light and she will turn to dust ....these people can only operate covertly.

Im a very open person like yourself and as such vulnerable to attacks...I have often looked at some of the martial arts disciplines..less as defence against physical attack ..more for mental strength in the face of attack.

There is also a book called "Dealing With Toxic People"...naming and shaming the tricks they use and how to deflect...think its by Lilian Glass...

Wuffs and hugs

Rach and Dotty xx

Hey mate,

These things happen. But as I have said before, you have massive values.

You do an absolutely worthwhile job and you should be incredibly proud of this.

Compare this with greedy gambling bosses who think nothing but prey on the vulnerable CGs then fob them off without a care in the world.

I know which sort of person I would much rather be.

Be proud!

And take advantage of this lovely weather by going for a run. Why not try an early morning one, say before breakfast?

I recommend it!

GT

She sounds like a horrible, horrible person. Dotty has it on the nose there, these people like the power and control of messing people around.

If you get a chance - *** in her tea.

I have had problems with not getting paid overtime before too. I simply refused to work any more, because I hadn't been paid for the time I had already done - and I stuck to it. Never had another problem since. Phone the payroll department and ask them what the policy is - then you have the facts at hand if she palms you off again.

The most important thing to remember is - it is not you it is her with the problem. I can't be around people like her at all, because the anger turns straight to anxiety. SA if you think there is a chance you might explode at work - phone in sick. Don't risk your own interests, it doesn't matter if it leaves everyone else short staffed - it is HER fault. Do what is best for you, and don't give the witch the satisfaction of playing victim if you lose your temper with her.

Really feel for you - take care,

f x

Ah bless you all. Your considered thoughts really help.

Another s**t day all in all.. which including dealing with a very sh*tty adult nappy, but i'd rather do that than cope with the boss who was particularly unapproachable and vile as always. Alas I made the mistake of having a moan to a collegue who then spoke to the boss saying that i was unhappy at which point i was presented with a phone with said boss on end of it being verbally confrontational and unpleasant in the tone of her voice and me being me I got anxious and couldn't find my words.. at which point she hangs up.

Anyway as far as pay goes I will get an amended payslip. The bottom line is i want whats due. I have rent and bills to pay.

I have one more day to go before a few days off. This week is proving difficult but i will cope. It helps to come here and just offload.. thanks for listening.. S.A

Last gamble 24 December 2011

Doesn't it ever make you wonder...

...could your boss be going through serious problems herself.

...could she be an "active gambler going through hell"?

We all know how that felt.

Just my thoughts here, not trying to defend her and her actions or anything but doesn't it make you wonder...?

Hope you have a better day tomorrow.

GT

I decided to delete some of my middle of the night ramblings

ok.. am going back to bed and to sleep.. I gotta look after my well being isn't it. Am reminded of HALT... hungry angry lonely and tired. Am not hungry but am certainly the other 3... good night.

Final gamble... 24th December 2011

Sweet dreams... I think you're boss needs to call in sick so everyone can have a break!

Remember, we cannot control another's actions, only our response to them. I would kill her with kindness, then come vent on here! Makes them suspicious and drives 'em crazy...but then I guess that's just my passive-aggressive side coming out! Sharon