Hope

Hey there SA......good on ya for letting it all roll off your back for today......also been battling the elements and been drenched now 4 times and gave eventually up trying to fight it....

Your making the right choices, picking your battles and not rising to the bait...alls good...

Take care now and keep on keeping on....

Rach and Doo xx...ps Zinc Lozenges good for mouth ulcers.

Thanks Nt and Dotty.

Am shattered, dun in, f****d. Ive got progressively more physically run down and ill as the week has gone on. My mouth ulcers are large and angry. My face is pale, tired and drawn. Its been a tough week at work. Usual tales of the narcissistic boss and no staff and pressure and stress. I soldier on (this seems to be my way) but for how much longer.. its debilitating.

But hey am not gambling or drinking... thats a good thing right??

Thanks for listening.. S.A

Last gamble 24th December 2011

"But hey am not gambling or drinking... thats a good thing right??"

Need you ask?!

Just make sure that you have a chilled out weekend, treat yourself a little and go for a run or two.

That will sort you out!

NT

Thanks Nt.. and yes i don't need to ask I was just being retorical or ironic or fesitious or some other word that I don't know how to spell or what it really means lol

Ive had a bad night with ulcers and the pain constantly waking me but feel ok at this moment in time. I really don't do pain. Think ive got a low pain tolerance. Ive bought these dissolvable patches that give a couple of hours respite so that I can eat without whincing in pain. They really are king size beauties these ulcers. I haven't had any this big for a very long time.

Ive been having thoughts of the sick note for next week but will cross that bridge come Monday morning. Boss will be furious if i do that cos she really does need me even though she'd never admit it. Thoughts of putting in for a transfer.. might be a possibility instead of going into melt down. But what i do know for sure is that I need to look after my health but me being me I tend not to. Slap on wrist.

Anyway, life generally feels pretty s**t recently but it also feels pretty good cos am not gambling my money away or getting drunk for the sake of getting drunk (not sure if I can be feel s**t and good at the same time lol).

In a weeks time am spose to be running my first marathon.. its very touch and go.. see how i feel in the week. No running this weekend just need to rest. Thanks for listening.. S.A 🙂

Last gamble.. 24th December 2011

Thoughts with you on the ulcers there SA...worst thing and as you say a symptom of being run down physically....

Had a lot of body builders in this week with the same big ulcers from over training for competitions etc....

Hope those patches work too and that you can start enjoying your food...

Don't beat yourself up about your health..I am the worst with mine and I work in it so I've no excuses..being run down is usually my bods way of saying stop or to pace...neither I can do hence often burn out.

Enjoy a restful weekend SA and take it easy.

I have no idea whether it will rain hail or shine but whatever the weather we are all on the right track and keeping the wolves from the door...so its all good..xxxx

Rach and Doo...

xxx

Hiya SA ....Heres to "Sanctuaries "...(that what I call my home)......no better way to keep sane....xx chink chink ....

Thanks Dot 🙂

Just had some friends round for a meal and telly and chat which was nice.

Dilemmas dilemmas. I am very run down. I have ulcers and a sore throat and just tired from lack of sleep. I am ill but not that ill. Part of me just wants to give the 2 fingered salute to work take the week off sick so i can recover properly and then stand a chance of running this marathon next weekend.

Of course it won't wash with work. Too ill to work yet well enough to run a marathon?? I'd be sacked. But to be honest am tempted just to do it anyway. maybe the other option is to have a couple of days off sick and then go back.

But ya know the thing is.. if my boss was approachable and cared i'd be honest about stuff and we'd work something out.. some leave at short notice etc... but because she's not and because she tried to get me to work next saturday anyway even when she new i was going away... I feel like being crafty. I feel like being how she is in her ways... but that goes against the grain with me.. cos am just not like that.

Am having much angst.

This sort of dilemma and indecision and stress would often lead me to gamble in days gone by. Its not gonna break me this time though. Thanks for listening.. S.A

Last gamble 24th December 2011

Hi SA

I think I understand where you're coming from. I usually run 100s of scenarios over in my head of defiance and confrontation and then go and do what everyone expects. Just try to think things through from start to finish and do the right thing. Easier said than done, but that is all I can say. This diary is great to let off steam though. Take care and good luck with the run next week!

Hiya SA,

You might not be that ill, but it might be best to take a couple of days off sick to nip it in the bud just in case you get any worse. That way, you are more up for work come Wednesday say, plus you don't jeopardize the weekend. Your doing nothing wrong by this, your just looking after your health.

Love Del x

Thanks friends.. Do the right thing by me isn't it??.. whats in my best interests.. not what my boss wants me to do.. which basically amounts to work work work and when things get tough.. just to "deal with it" and not bother her but when she wants me to do something.. some extra without being paid for it.. or evening shifts (this is a day centre) or split shifts I just say Yes like the obediant little puppy dog i am. Well she can go f*** right off!!!!!!

Ive got a right f*** it head on just now but i think when all is said and done your suggestion Del seems like the right one.. the right thing to do... more swearing i think...

f*** f*** f*** f*** f*** f*** f*** f*** f*** f*** B*****r toss w**k s**t b*m.

Thats me folks.. S.A

Hi SA....agree with Dels suggestion here which ticks all the boxes and keeps you balanced while you decide what road to take next work wise.

Its playing the game (which I hate by the way) ..and "Yes" if your Boss was human then you could be honest and negotiate something ....sadly thats not the case and your not dealing with a level playing field here..same rules etc so you have to protect yourself even if that means going against your nature sometimes.

I have worked for workaholics and adapted myself around THEIR sickness, bent myself out of shape and become sick myself trying to come up to their impossible standards....the last time I did this I worked my a** off and ours was the department to be 'let go of"...plus I later found our my Boss who I despised and who was the biggest headf@@k on the planet dropped dead aged 61.. ...

Maybe a life lesson on many levels there methinks ...

Keep Swearing if it helps....

Rach and Doo xxx

Hi S.A

It good ain't it just to get it out the system so to speak.. Be it on here or anywhere, always makes me feel better in fact i think i'll join you if you don't mind....f*** f*** f*** f*** f*** f***

Yep i needed that too..(sorry to hi-jack your diary)

I don't know your boss but if shes got a sister then theres a chance she works with me cos i'm having a load of grief from a women at work at the mo..

But sod it, thats what i say..If she has a problem then she needs to deal with it..I ain't gonna let her drag me down..

You do whats right for you and if that means taking a time out, then you follow your heart..

Glad to read about your chilled out sunday with the meal and some friends..

You hang in there mate..

At times like these its the easiest thing to do to go back to our old ways..

But i know you are stronger than that..

Keep safe...Keep fighting

All the very best

Hi SA

Thanks for popping in my diary, not posting too much nowadays.. Do a little reading tho now and again.

Anyways just a quick post- to say hi and hope you are well, its nice of you still to take the time and post in my diary. Your still the odaat king.... i learnt a lot from you since starting my journey so i thank you!!

take care mate, catch you soon. ands

Thanks folks... I was "on one" yesterday as i often am on a sunday evening as the working week approaches. Its been a difficult day at work but i was present and did my best. A few of us staff have had soem drinks after work which was nice.. think i needed that.. Nothing resolved, nothing changed.. but its good to talk.. am feeling ok.. thanbks for listening.. S.A 🙂

Last gamble.. 24th December 2011

Hi SA

just dropping by to say my head is battered, so haven't been following anyones diaries, but you are in my thoughts!

Take care,

f x