Hope

You are so right SA ..it's about putting down all unhealthy behaviours as otherwise it's switching ...a complete overhaul..

But just look at how far you have come? ..this is just more onion peeling which shows that you are ready to face taking off the next layers ...that's a good sign as maybe a few years ago just getting through the day g free was what you had to keep focussed on and nothing else mattered...

Now other things matter to you equally....which is a good sign I think..

My unhealthy behaviour is romantic relationships ..now I abstain but not throwing the baby out with the bath water..lol to move forward I had to give up on the idea of meeting the right person as that was blocking me moving forward...since I've done that I can now see more clearly I dont have to give up on the idea of a family ..just yet..

I guess most people have unconventional families these days...so I will be trending..

R and D xx

Ps...also just wanted to pass on a few words of wisdom from my work colleague ...chatting today about life overhauls ....

Quote of the day from him:

" Sugar is pretty much behind it all"..lol xxx

Day 290 gambling free...

Thanks Rach and yes its true that the actual act of not gambling comes much easier for me nowadays.... 99% of the time anyway... and to think that I use to gamble everyday in one form or another.

Difficult day at work, partly because my mood is low as I ponder potential life changes and partly because the challenging behaviour is increasing as some staff have either poor communication skills or are not motivated to do their job properly.

A member of staff ignored their client.. he became bored and frustrated.. and then ripped a door off its hinges. Most staff don't remember how bad his behaviours were when he first came to the centre. Ignore him at your peril.

I Had a friend over for tea yesterday, weve had little contact for 3 months. He's addicted to gambling too and he's very much back in action and has been for quite a while. He's digging himself an increasingly deeper hole. He's affected by the bedroom tax and the social is trying to force him off Incapacity and on to JSA which means less money and even more financial hardship. His response is to gamble more.

Also he has even less social support than I do (which is saying something) and he's estranged from his family. he has no fall back position and to top it all off his washing machine has broken, so no clean clothes. Hi goes to bed late, gets up late, cos he has little reason to get up and probably in the next 6 months to a year he will face possible eviction.

What can ya do? .... not a lot. I guess at the end of the day we are all masters of our own destiny. next week he brings his clothes round and I will wash them.

From a selfish point of view it emboldens my commitment to stay gambling free however despondent I may get with my life position. Thanks for listening folks... S.A 🙂

Really appreciate the post SA. Would never wish a robotic existence on anyone but glad to have someone like you who shares that with me.

My day is get up, go to gym, go to work, come home, have tea, watch tv, read with weekends having house and garden chores and shopping replacing the work time. Odd family visits and games of snooker and cinema trips happen time to time.

I know many find it hard to understand but my sports betting is really just the equivalent of someone spending time each week ( say 4 hours ) on any given hobby. It is enjoyable but it isn't addictive, never has been for me and doesn't give me an escape like random did.

Anyway I hope I get to a stage where even if still existing like a robot I can like you say life is better.

Hey S.A,

I love reading your posts:) Your life is very similar to mine. Not much exciting things happening, just usual routine...work, home, run, sleep(some in between lol) and few nights in front of telly....which is quite boring in a week i have to say....But i feel so much happier and healthier since i have stopped this destroying habit....Any day, low or high is worth the journey...One day it might all change, and routine is gonna be braked....but as long as gambling is not playing a part in hour lives...it's only for the better:)

Strength to you!

Take care

Sandra x

Day 291 gambling free... thanks both 🙂

A positive day for the most part. Arrived at work to find myself taking the most challenging client out with the most anxious and nervous of the two new staff. It was stressful but I went about it with zeal. Ya just get on with it don't you?

We got lucky, no incident, no serious challenging behaviour, no traumatised members of the public..I don't think anyway.

I had a nice cycle this eve and bought something nice for tea. Today may have been the last nice day of summer as judged by the weather forcast, so I made the most of it while I could. An offer to go to the pub with collegue. I declined. I didn't want to go on the beer and certainly no thoughts of a gamble. Onwards, never stepping back. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Hey Hun...

Also heard the last day of summer was yesterday and by the looks of it today..that seems about right..lol x

Folks driving with their headlights on at full beam at 6.40 pm past night did have me ranting as I'm not sure the clocks have gone back yet.

Just think its funny that after hearing summers over the populous are now in boots, scarves and gloves..heh heh ..have a feeling that a few sneaky hot days are still to come..

Anyhooo..rambled on a bit there...my day off so in bed still ..

I'm also going to go out today even though its raining , prefer the day time to night time and still also have little desire to socialise much but having said that I don't feel isolated either..

I like my little routine ...gives stability and also a platform to build on. Sometimes think the monastic life would have suited..far from boring as its almost a form of meditation..A good orderly routine frees the mind don't you think?

R and D xx

Into day 293...

Yes Rach, I agree, we all need a sense of routine and structure to hang our lives on. Over the years I have had periods of time where ive done nothing constructive all day everyday and for me that was ultimately like getting on a one way train to addiction.

having said that, I also have a fairly rich inner world and I can spend hours with my own thoughts. Its also a way I learnt to be when I was a teenager, lots of time in my own company. I am highly visual and imaginative in my mind.

Anyway no changes here. Work still stressy but manageable, still running, still avoiding self-destructive behaviours... am ok. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Still listening and wishing you well

xxx

Hey SA...snap!

I also spend a lot of time in my own imagination ,I guess that's why I struggle with normal life as I too have a rich imagination and can see potential and how it could be.

I laugh sometimes as people think I'm an extrovert! yet I am a loner with highly developed social skills...lol but I never feel lonely when I am alone.

R and D xx

Into day 294 without a penny gambled in that time.

Thanks both, and yes Rach that's how I kind of see myself.. "a loner with highly developed social skills".. but with me, sometimes I do feel lonely when alone. It depends on my state of mind. If am over tired or over stressed am more likely to feel lonesome and sorry for myself.

Today is a good day, cos yesterday I bought myself one of those Garmin runners watches.. ie one of these things that talks to the satellites and tells you exactly how far you've gone and how fast (or not) your going. Its f****n great! 😉

You can even upload your stuff to the website and it gives you all these stats. Fantastic for my motivation and getting better times in races and generally just getting fitter!!

This has only come about because I haven't gambled for approaching 10 months. Never would I spend £80 on a watch if I was gambling... cos I wouldn't have the money!! So there we go, well done to me. This is my reward to myself for sticking with "not gambling"

At 6 months gamble free I could afford a mountain bike and at 10 months ive got a fancy satellite watch thing. I happy.. at this moment in time anyway lol

Thanks for listening folks... S.A 🙂

Like that phrase about being a 'loner with highly developed social skills'. I'm probably 'loner with developed social skills for work and gambling purposes only'. Prefer to not have to use social skills in a general sense as I normally fall short and feel uncomfortable.

Well done on buying the watch and your continued abstinence. I am taking heart from your posts and believe we share commonality.

Great post and loving the plot of that book you describe. I too would have been captivated by that storyline,

Agree that those with close family and friends ( and an available social routine ) will find it easier to stay stopped than those who don't. Everyone has their own background to gambling problems but it remains a bit of a mystery to mean for people with a nice family set-up and many friends and activities which they enjoy as to why they find themselves tossing that aside in favour of

gambling only to then proclaim how wonderful their lives are in recovery when going back to what they had

before!

Anyway I am taking much reassurance that my recovery is on the right track and I am thinking and feeling the right things at this stage based on communications with like-minded people like yourself. Being preached to that I am a sinner and need to follow a religious cult and bow to a GA non-existent God was never going to be of

assistance to me.

(appreciate that method works for many and if it helps fair enough, just glad I am in communication with people who share some of my views, thoughts and experiences )

Day 295.. thanks for your thoughts Captain.

I been miserable for the last 12 hours. I wonder why? Off to work I go. No gambling. Thanks for listening... S.A

Hi SA,

It's fantastic to see you getting a real buzz out of everyday things, like a new toy! When lost in action, it feels like the only way to get a buzz is to keep feeding those coins in.

I am a loner too, but am too aware of the drawbacks to being this way - not having a strong support network to draw on in times of need, not having people to call if I fancy some company etc.

I also fight against my loner tendencies because I want to fit in and seem normal. I am aware that it's considered strange to eat out alone, go to the cinema alone etc.

It's also easier to have a relapse, without having to be accountable. No one to talk you in from the ledge..you can just fall.

I feel like I've been rambling about myself! But just meant to say I can relate to what you are saying.

Hope work isn't too cr** today!

f x