Hope

Hey... stumbled upon this and found it interesting.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WcovKsjvVgM

As my sister used to say, there's a lid for every pot.

Good evening SA,

Hope all is good ur end and you had a smashing( relaxing) weekend:-)

Wonder if you went for a run today...or is it just me..being crazy and tackling strong wind:-) it was good fun anyway..feel like run for the first time( muscles aches )

Take care and i will look out for ur updates:-)

S x

P.s. what a awesome stuff on fighting the urges the other day..fantastic inspiration..well done:-)

Day 344... without a penny gambled in that time. It was nearly back to day 1 if truth be known.

Ive been away since Saturday. Went to visit sister and to run the great south run. All was good, no dramas, great run, but on way back the coach stopped in Oxford for a while and I had a stroll to stretch the legs. Found myself outside some arcade and really wanted to go in and have a gamble. Why not eh?! wouldn't do any harm, nobody would ever know.

I don't know what stopped me really but something did. Something kicked in, something said no don't do it! I walked on past and then I walked back to the coach and sat there till we left. Close call it was. phew!

No gambling... thanks for listening and thanks for your support... S.A 🙂

Hi SA

It sounds like you had a wonderful weekend! Time with family, completing your run and keeping strong- well done 🙂

I think we're all "nearly back to day 1"- it'd be so easy to take that 1st step backwards. Does it ever get easy I wonder?

You're doing great, take care

Irene

x

Hey SA

You thought about it...you didn't act on it ...that's all that matters!!!

I have similar urges my friend and apply the same thinking ...just for today I don't have to worry about what I'm gonna do with the bodies ...;-)

Seriously though...you're doing fab xxxx

R and D xx

Day 346 gamble free begins... and thanks both 🙂

Am just here to log gamble free time this morning. Edging closer towards the year once again. Thanks for listening... S.A

SA, hi. Well done on staying strong in Oxford. What a strange way our mind works eh? Who will Know? YOU will know and that is the most dangerous thing? What harm will it do? You know the answer to this, immeasurable emotional and financial pain - but you did the right thing, stayed strong and are in a far better place than you could have been.

Very well done

Take Care

Blues

Hey SA,

Thanx for the message of course:-)

Well done for keeping strong over past few days..really big inspiration..I don't comment as much but always read...:-) Way to go!!! Keep strong and free from the sneaky demon:-)

Sandra x

P.s. hope work was good and you had some peace at work xx

Hey SA

Thanks for being so open in your response...I see what you mean and I know as you do that I've hit this brick wall before...

I can't seem to get passed it....

I've become obsessed with is it ? or is it not an illness which for my days in al anon I also had the same brick wall. Despite all evidence to suggest that no one in their sane mind would out themselves through the hell an addict does there is still something blocking my thinking .....

In fact just writing this makes me feel exactly the same as I do over step 3'...having faith and trusting in something that can't be proved in black and white and then my fear of being scammed later down the line when I find out it's just an elaborate trick to be controlled by something else..

I guess I'm on the edge of the cliff ..trust it is an illness , start feeling all warm and fuzzy and caring about folks again and run the risk of being shafted and duped again later down the line...not by the ex but by forgiving means all the hurt that was caused has to be laid to rest and he has won..he still carries on controlled gambling and the also takes no responsibility for the past as is let off the hook.

My cynicism at least keeps me from being scammed and headworked in the short term and gives me the feeling of having won.

Sorry for the hijack but you just got me thinking...xxx

Hi SA

Thanks forthe post mate, hope you are well.

You where right, autumn is here and i seem to a season,s poster, lol. I will pop back into your diary near christmas and hope to read the day count has reached 400 days approx without a gamble (my maths not that good). You inspired me when i came on here and you still do!

Take care SA, ands

Day 347 gambling free... and thanks all 🙂

Am feeling very tired but feel the need to write. Reading Duncs latest post reminds me how easy it is to go for a long period of time gamble free only to then inexplicably start up again. For me it kind of feeds into Rachs thoughts on illness or not an illness?? I can argue it both ways but what do I really believe??

I think the bottom line and at its simplest it is this... compulsive gambling is a reaction to life, its a reaction to some form of stress, it becomes a habitual reaction to life events and to stress. But and its an important BUT at the end of the day, we all have "choice" we have choice before we walk in or before we log on, so in that sense compulsive gambling is not an illness.

Compulsive gambling is certainly not an illness in the way that schizophrenia can be seen as a mental illness. The person with schizophrenia does not have choice over whether they hear voices or not but the compulsive gambler has choice whether to gamble or not unless they suffer from delusional voices telling them to gamble away their money, so in the case they have a mental health problem with gambling being the symptom but not the cause. Ramble over. I need sleep.

No gambling. Thanks for listening... S.A

hey SA you are right there

Reaction for me is a key word...I am very reactive as I usually am in a state of confusion and doubting what is real and what is not.

A recent thread by mesmerise which i did look at sanely and others on the f and f side a while ago sowed seeds of doubt about the illness side.

It brought back feelings in me that I thought I was getting over and I felt taken for a ride all over again despite knowing deep down differently.

As DF says I have to take a leap of faith and trust what I know ..I know that the people on here who I post to regularly are good ,kind ,decent honest people far moreso than I in fact.

When I was in al anon I went through a similar questioning but the a.a folks do not worry about this as they know all additions are cunning and baffling and to try and work them out just ties us in knots and confuses even more and they know they will never find a definitive answer only more questions and dead ends.

This is why I guess there is huge emphasis in meetings on acceptance, not questioning which for a mind like mine is very difficult who needs answers.Also there is a big emphasis on trust ( ditto above)as I have very little ..it is a leap of faith but one worth doing as the proof is the people living their talk.

I know deep down its an illness for all the reasons you gave but I have to work on that to keep the flare ups at bay and to keep trying not to let invisible forces,be it memory or triggers control my own thinking.

R and D xx

Day 348 with not a penny gambled in that time.

To be honest Rach in my latest ramblings i'd come to the conclusion that compulsive gambling is not an illness but simply a habitual reaction to some sort of stress. But as the A.A folks suggested

"all additions are cunning and baffling and to try and work them out just ties us in knots and confuses us even more and they know they will never find a definitive answer only more questions and dead ends."

All that matters to me is that I don't gamble one day at a time. Ive had enough of the consequences.

Difficult day at work. Some clients were "on one" and some staff were not pulling there weight, which puts added pressure on the likes of me, but not only me. We also have two staff off sick, probably long term sick, one of which is the current manager. All fun and games.. not.. but then I am still coping and doing my best. It would have been much harder to cope today if I was on the back of a gambling binge and stressing about how to pay the rent! (for example).

My life aint too bad. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Well done on the 348 days and counting.

Still reading your diary regularly.

Agree that compulsive gambling is borne out of stress and for me has been an escape from stress and reality. A harmless hobby which I enjoyed became an out of control nightmare.

I believe the illness part comes when behaviours take place as part of compulsive gambling which are completely against the gambler's past character e.g. continually borrowing money, lying and stealing. If someone (only) loses their monthly income but doesnt go further to fund their illness, they may be regarded as a compulsive gambler but they are not subjected to the 'illness' side of it as much (although of course behaviours may change which are less serious than those financial focused ones above ).

Day 348 comes to a close...

Yes I see what you mean Captain.... the behaviours that emerge as the compulsive gambler gets more desparate... ones character and personality gets warped and distorted.

... I been digesting todays work. Now realise how stressed ive been. Opportunities to get drunk but I declined. Ive eaten about 8 marmalade rolls instead and now feel sick. Its bed time and its only 7.15. Good night... S.A