Hope

Hi SA

In my humble opinion the washboard abs may look OK on blokes but they feel like hugging an ironing board...yuck!

Keep Calm and Cuddly round the middle ...it's s**y xxxx

You eat too much? Careful, you could end up like this little fellow!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZRwarU145A

Day 360 gamble free... that's funny Carla ;-)... and Rach its just i'd like to lose some belly fat and weight generally so I can achieve better run times and achieve my potential before old age catches up with me and slows me down... potential girlfriends can like it or lump it lol

Nothing much else to say today. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

You've got it all wrong SA ..it's all about pulling women not being at your peak physical best for your own sense of achievement.....tee hee ..jus kiddin xx

That child on Carla's link was like watching the foodies version of the "Generation Game "...imagining it all coming out on some conveyor belt..lol

R and D xxx chubby chaser

Glad you liked the link. I thought it was cute. I'm starting to lose too much weight! I guess it must be because I cut out all that beer, the nervousness of abstinence (esp from smoking) and the extreme walks and hill climbing. I thought people were supposed to gain weight when they quit smoking! At any rate, I'm with Rachel.... those ladies will need something to hang on to when they cuddle. I figure the main thing is that you feel good, so do whatever makes that happen!

Hey SA

Glad to hear you're still doing good. Keep up the great effort 🙂

Good luck with the dietary changes!

Take care

Irene

x

Day 361... and thanks all 🙂

Just chalking up another day. Picked up my new running trainers. I will take them out for a gallop in a bit. Nothing much else to say. Am tired but fine. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Hey SA,

Good on you for picking new trainers!!! I need new ones too...hmm..better write Santa a letter;-)

Good stuff on g free time...A year is just around the corner..Great going!!!

Take care and always listening 🙂

S x

Day 362... yes Sandra the trainers are brill.. I did 8 miles in 1 hour 8 mins.. not bad for me.

Its been a pretty tiring week work wise with moderate stress but also some fun. I continue to cope well. I twill write more over the weekend when less tired. Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Day 363 with not a penny gambled in that time.

Just been having a read and came across what Rach has written in Volcano's diary and it is this...

"It will only be a sustained period of quitting all your crutches that will bring about the pain that these things are masking and take you to the rockbottom in order for you to then "go up"

Without this it will be a cycle of treading water which takes a lot of energy to do and is keeping you flat lining and depressed and in a fog."

I really relate to this. For me its as if the last 12 years (since I first walked into a G.A room with my tail very much between my legs), that I have been trying (with mixed results) to simply quit all my crutches.. and am still not quite their yet. Progress made for sure but am still doing stuff, nameless stuff that masks whatever it is that am escaping from.

Am just being realistic. Its easy to self-congratulate when in reality life feels much the same as its always done. Finding the courage to make real meaningful change and throw those self-wounding crutches away for good is the real challenge and that's an on-going work in progress.

Quitting self-defeating crutches is just the beginning, unfortunately...humph... Time for some marmalade on toast to help me on my way. No gambling today... S.A 🙂

Totally agree that throwing the crutches away for good is just the beginning in terms of rebuilding your life. That's where I am at now.

Hey SA

Thanks for the shout out xx

I once read a quote by Carl Jung who said "Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering "

Neurosis I define as the masks we wear or the things we do that take us away from our authentic selves.

My state of mind is pretty neurotic right now as I am numbing pain through over working, being generally defensive and keeping "busy" at all times mainly cleaning with my borderline OCD.

Whilst the legitimate suffering is unprocessed or numbed the neurosis will appear as our personality and traits but for some people they have become so ingrained in their neurosis that they have forgotten who they actually are and believe their neurosis is their personality.

This splitting is something I think many on here are aware of more than most as often addiction is referred to as "Jekyle and Hyde"

As a dry drunk which is my neurosis I also know the split feeling and standing always outside yourself looking in and feeling disconnected,

On my diaries I have attempted to get to the root of the pain and original cause(s) so that my authentic character can be free. I see this process almost like a exorcism..

What's happened over 2 or so years is that I have made some headway in feeling the root causes not just knowing them but I was in danger of going under too far which is why the defensive side of me is now my front character in my 3d life and is protecting me whilst this internal reconstruction is going on inside..my defensiveness is like a sign I hang on the outside that says "keep away"

You can kill off your neurosis too quickly and be unable to function in the outside world as all your gating mechanisms can collapse. It's a sort of psychological death. The old you dies to let the real you live..

The works of Arthur Janov called "the primal scream" is a fascinating book which looks in depth at this subject.

a bit heavy weight there so sorry about that SA. Hope that makes some sense anyways xxxx

Yup... me too. Though I do remember reading the statement on someone's diary (and I don't remember who) but it was something to the effect of "we all know there's only one rock bottom and it's the same for everyone". I really thought about that a lot and have to agree. And it has been my experience that it seems there's always lower you can sink with these nasty addictions. Rebuilding life.... hmmm, and yet another chore?! lol

Day 364 gambling free.. and thank you all 🙂

I understand the lions share of what you say Rach. Ive been at a total loss for much of my life as to who I actually am and what on earth is my authentic self???... and what is my purpose here on earth??? Is it simply to exist?? Is that enough??

I remember years ago, before compulsive gambling fully took hold, going to an evening class that was entitled "Finding meaning and purpose". That was its official title and it "felt like" the perfect sort of course for me to go on. It was full of lost souls just like me, scratching their heads as if to say..."surely there must be more to it than simply existing". I think the nuts and bolts of the course passed me by, as I wasn't ready, my mind was closed off. I was in a perpetual state of dis-connection as you describe Rach.

It was like being inside a glass cage watching the world go past but unable to join in. I could feel that something was wrong but was unable to describe or comprehend what it was or what I was supposed to do about it, but I could feel it all right. I felt psychologically unwell. I was everything to everyone else but nothing to myself. Only now am I feel like I am starting to understand what the issues are and starting to do something about it. Its a slow old process though. maybe it will only be on my death bed that I finally get it. Now there's a cheery thought.

No gambling today now that's for sure.... S.A 🙂

Hey there SA,

One day away from the year g free..And that's just amazing SA. You should be proud!!

Thanx for your message...and yes i agree, i am not perfect and i do need some of the crutches in my life...as long as they healthy..;-)

Take care

S x