Hope

Hi SA,

Thank you for touching the base 🙂

I hear ya my friend and do understand how tough is to function around not only kids in need but more the grown up colleagues.
My dad works in mental health unit. And yep, there are grown up patients and team work with colleagues is something essential in that role. Lacking of the same, my dad got beaten up not long ago...cause his colleagues was having a nap or sneaky f*g breaks leavin him to face the "music" with retaliating patient which was well off his head.
I think that working with people with mental health problems is most demanding job. Simply cause you have to see through "their eyes" and act accordingly.

My work is demanding also. Food manufacturing this is and i am safe to say all the employees in my department are no older than 35. And d**n most of them acts like kids. The things they do and lack of responsibility they show does drive me to the wall. Yes, i might come across as too strict and "not fun" person, but i only do my job and am responsible for everything around me. Gotta see things through employees eyes sometimes, get a lighter heart and laugh along something not funny at all lol...finding the balance in leading the group and hammering in their heads that they are getting paid to be responsible and do their job by the book is still work in progress. As of the colleagues and higher management...well, number and number of times i notice them putting " i know you will manage so just leave you to it" glasses on. Do i feel supported? Do i f**k! No..i feel left to my own devices where deaf ear is being turned every time i have an issue and want to talk it through.....and then they wonder " why Sandra never join their outings as a team member"..the thing is they push me to get my team working together, but leading with the most shittiest example from the top...

rant about work over lol.
come and join me doing those sand angels, i heard it's fun and relaxing way to get stress outta your system...that's according to ODAAT..worth a try...even if world around ya is going a little coo coo ☺

stay safe, keep winning..you're worth it!
Hugs
Sandra xx

Just popping in to send you you strength and positivity, I think you do a fantastic job, he'll even if I was younger like 20s I know I would not have the patience let alone commitment that you have in your job, and juggling thst with recovery and all the other S***e

high to you SA,

Do look after you though, can understand totally how you feel about wanting to just curl up for a bit, abstaining takes more out of us than we realise.

Look,after you SA,

Take care and keep strong.

Suzanne xxx

Thanks folks.... and pleased to report that no gambling since my last entry.

Am feeling well again today. Its definately emotional/psychological stress taking its toll rather then physical stress... cos this morning ive gone out and jogged 15 miles and am feeling real good for having done that. But I still have a wobbly belly.. but i guess i can live with it 😉 I shall enjoy my feel good feelings for as long as they last, which is probably untill this evening when my mind starts to contemplate another week at work. Although I am fairly good at what i do ( thats my judgement anyway) I look forward to the day when I can find myself a job that isn't quite so emotionally demanding... do they exist? or is it just me!

Is it the case that whatever I do or don't do... am gonna get all stressed out regardless?? Does stacking shelves at tesco's bring its own set of demands?? I suppose your under pressure to get all the stock out in a timely fashion... but atleast your not being hit, spat or poohed on while your doing it lol

Ive had this influx of friends requests on facebook cos someone took a photo of me at the works curry night. I look like the living dead with a strange painted on smile. I excepted the requests, but one or two I had to think... "who are you??".. I usually get there in the end lol. Don't you think that its perfectly possible to have loads of friends on facebook but in reality not to have many friends at all. Facebook is a strange place where we all seem to paint a picture of how you want the world to see you. Its easy to hide away on facebook and on here to a certain extent, but here i think here is different... cos alot us, (definately me) say it as it really is... not how we want to be seen.

Anyway ramble over. Time to eat lots and lots

Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

Sooo true, on Facebook it is easy to be the happy jokey fool doing their crying in the rain as the Everley brothers would say (before your time). Having said that have just linked up with someone from my past who has known me since I was sixteen and a real eye opener as we talked, strangely made me realise that I have much more choice and control in my life and I am being swept along instead trapped by this addiction and its paralysing impact on my mind. That the adrenalin rush I had gained by taking risks in my life I had transferred to gambling and isntead of gaining by them I am losing experiences and people from my life. Might be complete b******s but seemed to make sense. Difficult to action when exhausted and stressed by daily challenges but I am going to give it a try.

Still listening

XXX

Hi SA,

Facebook? Hmmm..i should set up a account then to find you my friend 😉 not sure why everyone is obsessed about it, my FB is definitely kicking off on here lol HD!

Good to see you in such a positive frame of mind..this is defo catching. Take it as it comes, re work. I am bk in tomorrow too but trying not to dwell on it..what for? I have today 🙂

Setting off for a run now..it was impossible to get me into gear without downing 3 coffees first lol..managing to peel those eyes open just now 🙂

Keep up good work and keep marching on!

Sandra x

Thanks for your lovely message, yes 20 hours is all I want for now lol, even if I worked full time, my debts would still take donkeys years to pay off, why stress myself even more again, by working full time, juggling grandkids and everything else, I am making changes where I can in my life, for me now lol, because nothing changes if nothing changes, I have lived with my head in the sand for two many years now, and that sand was sinking sand lol, because it was gambling sand,

Soo pleased you are feeling much more positive, even though you have a tough job, we can only do our best, and that is ok,

We can't achieve the impossible so why try.

Take care and stay safe and think of you,

Suzanne xxx

Hi SA,

Your resilience at dealing with a tough role is worth admiration, and I must admit that I couldn't handle the rigours that you put yourself through in order to go to work and to keep supporting the children in your care.

It sounds like you really are good at your work, and there is more to the job than just ticking boxes. Even though, in my line of work, I have a pretty good box ticking reflex. Don't get too worried about facebook, while it may not be that interesting, at least it'll give people in your potential social circle the chance to invite you places, or even just give you something inane to talk about during the next coffee break, such as that "hilarious" cat video they posted on their facebook! 😉

Keep fighting your way forward,

Ryan

Thanks folks and pleased to report that no gambling since my last entry.... 9 weeks clean today

Am real tired and mentally exhausted once again. So much so that I think I will leave it here.

Back tomorrow most probably.

Thanks for listening... S.A

Well done on 9 weeks SA, hope you have a good chilling and restful day,

Take care

Suzanne xxx

Well done on your 9 weeks...Stay strong

No gambling since last post... but please don't read the following if you are currently eating lol

I started feeling ill Saturday evening, by late evening I was white as a sheet and feeling like the living dead.. and then it started. A wave of powerful convulsions as my body tried to remove what was on the inside to the outside. To anyone who has experinced powerful convulsions in quick succession its not nice is it... fighting for your breath between each convulsion. Covered in sweat and wanting to cry after it stops. I thought the worse was over but no... it was more of the same all night. An hour or so build up followed by another big chunder and then sitting on the toilet waiting for brown water to come out lol

My body was determined to cleanse itself of whatever bug had found its way inside me.

So anyway an orrible weekend, but hey no gambling.

I hope to catch up with diaries soon enough. Am on the sick for a couple of days now...recovering slowly.

Thanks for listening... S.A

Pleased to report that no gambling since last post.

Starting to feel a bit more human again. Actually slept for a few hours and then woke up feeling hungry, which is a good thing, when youv'e had a nasty bout of gastroenteritis and haven't been able to keep any food down.

Am really not good at being ill or being in constant pain. I tend to fall apart quickly and feel pretty hopeless... but I think that that stage has more or less passed now and I shall return to work in a positive fashion.

As far as gambling goes I had a bunch of thoughts yesterday. Am thankful for my self-exclusions as they helped me to make the correct desicion which is a big fat NO to gambling. Also it didn't help watching an advert for a particular lottery product as that was a potential trigger as well but again I made the correct descion.

Unfortunately my addiction continues to just sit there waiting for a moment of weakness. C'est la vie!

Thanks for listening... S.A

Thanks for popping by with your continued support my friend.

Pleased to see you are feeling better after that bout of a nasty bug.

And can I say how well you are doing on your gamble free days, even though some days are C'est la vie mon amie, Ohh HD

But as long as we take one day at a time and choose NO we won't gamble.

Onwards and upwards (even if very slowly) lol.

Take care and stay safe

Suzanne xxx

Hi SA,

Glad you're over that bout of sickness, I didn't deal well with my flu the other week, just crawled into my shell and waited until it was over. If you'll forgive me the graphic image, my least favourite part of being ill in that way is that it doesn't just come out of your mouth, but into the nose too, and I wonder if that feeling is a little bit like waterboarding.

Anyway, glad your blocks held firm and you couldn't get past them to place that bet. One more correct decision in your favour.

Hope work doesn't prove to be too much too soon when you go back, especially considering the way you get there too.

Ryan

Hi SA,

Hope you're feeling better now and that bug has left you at peace.
So good to see you marching on and winning the fight with each passing day!!
Keep up good work and have a lovely, stress (and bugs) free weekend

Sandra x