Hope

Hi SA!

Top words my friend..playing with the fire eventually will burn you. Talking from experience and had this on more than few occasions.

Well, rubbish weather doesn't help i suppose. I went for a run yesterday and come bk like icecube lol..who goes outside in t/shirt in 3В°c :-0...Sandra does and pays the price after lol.
How is that gym going? You signed up didn't you.
Keep pushing through these dark days, as old good saying goes - "there is always sun after the rain".

Look after yourself and keep talking.

S x

Day 136... thanks everybody 🙂

Well done for your ice cube run Sandra. I was thinking of doing the same myself, but ive woken with a cold and there is snow and ice outside on the street, so i think i will be good to myself and go down the gym/swim/sauna later.

I had a to cycle into work yesterday for 1 hours training. My collegues couldn't belief I was in for 1 hour. It was all a bit embarrassing really. I kind of enjoyed the cycle in the cold mind, find a positive and all that.

Am trying to get psyched up to do some job search but somehow I don't think its gonna happen today.

I played candy crush yesterday instead of free slots but then later on played free slots. Its a start. Ween myself off. So grateful for betfilter.

Thanks for listening... S.A

Day 137

Ive just had to check the definition of gambling, to see if my count is valid. So according to online dictionary gambling is...

the activity or practice of playing at a game of chance for money orother stakes...

to play a game in which you can win or lose money or possessions : to bet money or other valuable things

So simply zoning out to spinning reels, isn't gambling. Doesn't make it right of course.

I got a cold and am not sleeping. It is tough at the moment but taking each day as it comes.

Thanks for listening... S.A

It always seems tough in my world, but then i spose its all relative isn't it. I do have a roof over my head and food in my belly.

Some thoughts in my head.

I was lying in bed last night thinking about a student at school whom am required to work with quite alot. He has his own classroom. We staff sit at the door, he doesn't like it when your in his space for anything more than a few minutes. He is social in his own way, he likes a cuddle and likes you to rock to music with him. When he's in a good mood hes lovely but when hes not he's aggressive and violent. He's 6 foot 2 and solid as a brick. He has the potential to kill someone because as with many autistic people there is no OFF switch.

Anyway am lying there, thinking about work on Monday, thinking about another day sitting in the door way monitoring his mood and behaviour and hoping that hes in a good mood and stays in a good mood for the duration of the school day. In reality am imagining getting battered by him and its getting me really stressed out. Daft isn't it... Its friday night and i cant sleep cos am thinking about work on Monday. Why do I put myself through this s**t..... Job search you fool!!!!!

Hi SA

I'm coming round to the idea that part of my gambling is my working life. I'm a sole trader and my own boss and earn relatively good money. But to do so I'm doing the work of at least two people. This has a negative impact on my social life and mental state. I'm now on day 6 of my latest abstinence and my plan now is to employ someone to help and therefore give me more time to myself. This will cost money to pay somebody's wage but it will more than pay for itself if I don't gamble. I hope you can find a happier working environment. It's no fun stressing out on your days off about it. Take care mate

Morning. My 6ft, 23 year old son has autism and thankfully is pretty even tempered but when he gets upset it can be scary. I worry that he'll hurt me, or more likely, himself, and there's little reasoning with him when he's like that. It's an ongoing low level anxiety for me but I'm fortunate that it's rare and that he doesn't lash out. I can understand that working with someone who can be so violent places you under a lot of strain so it's not so surprising that you spend your time off worrying about your next day at work. I'm assuming there are strategies in place where you work to try to understand what's causing his moods/behaviours and that there are guidelines to protect your safety. Not that any of that helps if he goes for you.

So, what to do about it? Job search, you fool!!! But I would suggest soul search a bit first. You've been over the "must get a different job" ground a number of times before. You know where you work is making you unhappy and stressed and that can lead to undesirable behaviour. So what's stopping you? There has to be a reason why you're not moving jobs. What's holding you back? The money, fear of the new ( better the devil you know), lack of confidence, qualifications?? Who knows? There's loads of possible reasons but only you have the answer. Grab a piece of paper and list everything that pops in your head. I can't help but feel that if you can pinpoint what's stopping you then you'll free yourself to actually start the job search. It might take time to find somewhere else but if you've got a workable plan of action it might make the days more bearable. If you start this now, today, in 6 months you won't be wasting your weekends worrying about work on Monday.

The world's your lobster ( or should that be oyster?) 🙂

LB x

Hi S.A

I'm a person who walks out of work at 5 and don't think about till the next time I walk through that door. I don't hate and j don't love it, it's just a job that used to unable me to gamble but know it's enabling to pay for the mess that got me in but with a little left over to start enjoy life again.

I'm sure you must have frustrating days but also get a few rewarding days it's down to if the good out ways the bad. No harm in having a look around and see what jobs are out there they might be a gem.

KTF

SA...

Your no fool, you know it, I know it and every body knows it.

I do think it's time though to really face them fears, give your self the courage to get out of your comfort zone and face a new challenge everyday.

I do struggle with the clichГ© s of recovery but I do think it's as simple as sticking with the day, and just accepting that each day you've done your best is good enough, even if in some eyes or even your own, it's not believed tobe good enough. But the best is all we've got and who is there to gauge whether it's good enough or not...

Makes sense to me, even if I don't practice what I'm preaching...

138 days of not having spent a single penny on any form of gambling. Thats a good thing.

Well ive worked hard over the last 36 hours to bring myself back from the depths of despair. It started with a good hard 12 mile run in the cold and then time socialising with neighbour (its good to talk and all that) and then a good nights sleep and then a nice swim and sauna this morning and then a nice slow cooked beef stew on the go and then some reading and writing on here.

Ive managed approaching 36 hours without overly thinking about work and getting stressed about it. Clearly I probably will start to think about it more as the day goes on, but ya know, ive had some respite from it all. I am completely mad for having spent the last 2 years, cycling 8 miles to work, to have the very real fear and potential of getting badly hurt to then cycle 8 miles home again... but today I laugh... it is what it is and ive done what ive done. Atleast its kept me fairly fit and I can make changes...

No gambling for me. Resolve is strong.

Thanks for listening... S.A 🙂

​138 days is a massive achievement.

Yes you can, you have the choice, and that is a big positive in itself,

On a lighter note, jeez you must be as fit as a fiddle my friend, well done you on taking positives from your thoughts this weekend.

Enjoy the rest of your day off, I know I will:))) because it's simply my choice to do so.

Suzanne xxx

Hi SA,

Thanks for dropping by ☺
Good stuff on the run & i hit my personal best few weeks ago (15miles - 2hrs 14min)! It's good to get out of our heads huh lol...at least it is for a good purpose...saying that, if i didn't listen to the music i would crawl like a snail lol...music is my energy - simples 😉

Anyway, blabbing on..you keep on keeping on my dear and have a good week ahead! Hope you're not too snowed in and can get to work safely.

Take care, keep talking.

S x

Day 139, with not a single penny gambled

15 miles in 2 hours 14 mins is awesome Sandra. I just had to track down my fastest ever 15 miles (according to garmin watch) and it was 15 miles in 2 hours 10 mins and 21 secs on April 19th 2014.... Thats your new target 🙂

I was full of anxiety at work today, but didn't get attacked and have therefore survived to tell the tale. An agency has asked if am interested in picking up some work at a different school. I have registered my interest thats for sure!

No gambling.

Thanks for listening... S.A

Lovely to read 139 days and not one single penny spent.

Keep going ng you fit person you ;)))

Suzanne xxx

Day 140

Tough day. Cold, tired and stressed. Ive turned in on myself. Struggling to speak or focus. Unable to maintain conversation. A bit of a muttering depressive.

No gambling

S.A