Hope

Thanks everyone 🙂

I think am gonna have a little sleep in a bit and its only 2.30 pm. Had my long run this morning.. 11 miles according to mapmyrun.com. It was tough going though. The sun came out and it was just a little too warm. I maanged it but it was slow slow jog. I felt the usual elation at the end and must admit out of nowhere felt a slight urge to gamble..easilly dismissed though. It was just the euphoria if the run working through my system. Ive now eaten and refreshed myself and tiredness is kicking in. All is fine really, not much else to say. Another day passing gambling free.. 🙂

Good to see you are still army fit, sir! atteeeen-shun!

Ive done loads of exercise today too, and am also knackered. Its nice having 40 winks on a Sunday afternoon innit?

Im off to play monopoly - exciting stuff eh!

Take care,

f x

Thanks f 🙂

No gambling problems.. but its still there if you know what i mean. I was watching some prog about addictions last night and the addictions counsellor suggested that once an addiction has developed that individual will always have the propensity to fall back into it. Which is a slightly depressing thought really but something that my history and my thinking agrees with. But he also suggested that as long as the desire to stop remains strong then anyone can change their life for the better. There is no such thing as a hopeless case.

Its strange that now that I am here writing I feel my recovery strengthen. I find that even after a few days of drifting away from this forum.. it starts to have an effect. Writing my thoughts really does help to keep the gambling gremlins at bay. Its the same principle as Ga though I find that this helps me more. I dont feel the inclination to go to Ga rigidly one a week. Ga is like an occasionnal top up for me now.. more of a soacil thing really just to see how others are getting on and catch up with them.

I have a few issues and stresses simmering away in the background.. work being the usual suspect but other stuff to.. but generally speaking am ok feeling stable.

Anyway am off to do those ordinary every day things that ordinary every day folk do.. and thats ok with me. looking forward to running club this evening. Thanks for listening.. S.A

Hi SA

Thanks for your post on my diary - it is exciting times for me!!! 🙂

I think it is half the battle, accepting the 'normal boring stuff' of real life. Its being able to truly accept real life that keeps your recovery strong. Sort of facing the bits you would rather airbrush out and run away from. Saying 'I don't like this aspect of life so much - but I ACCEPT it'. Acceptance is very powerful, stops you from running away.

Listening to me, rambling on like a poor-mans yoda, lol.

Anyways, as always thank you for your diary it is a good un to read!

Take care,

f x

Hi sa, I think your right. We will always have this problem and it will never go away. It's more of a case of managing it. The odd post here or there, the odd ga meeting for a top up. Nothing to be depressed about, just life. Just like a diabetic always having to take their insulin. We need to take our type of medicine everyday to stay healthy. All the best russ

Hi SA

Bizzare posting coming from me but i want to apoligise, i seem to be repeating what you said to me on my first entry in my diary. ODAAT so i apoligise for copying the great advice you gave me. Ment nothing to start but when the penny dropped its meaning was understood and applied.

Anyway im sounding a total nutcase.

Take care and sorry for such a strange post. ands

SA,

Your post is so true - we have this addiction for life - and can fall back into it at any time - I know - I have!!

If this forum (or just doing the normal things in life) helps in your recovery then all power to you.

Keep it going mate and have a great, gamble free weekend.

All the best

Hatch

Thanks Hatch and all.. another gamble free weekend. All in all its been a good one. Doing lots of positive things and just a little of the negative escapist stuff but am working on that. I am enjoying my running and swimming. As for the negative stuff its been quite a few weeks since ive had too much to drink and in hardly drinking at all (just the odd pint or two in company) urges or thoughts of going to the machines have been few and far between.

My life feels rediculously normal at the moment, whatever normal is lol. So normal in fact that the few thoughts of gambling ive had have been around the lottery. A part of me thinks that i can have a weekly line on the lottery and have it stuck to my fridge door tyoe scenario.. just like my family does and the sort of thing that most non-addicted gamblers do. A part of me thinks.. am never gonna be a millionaire through my own efforts (am not an entrepreneur or work in the city) so why do I have to snuff out any possibility of becoming wealthy overnight??

Well of course I can argue with myself here and come out with all the usual reasons not to buy a ticket.. "it never stays at just a pound" cos am a Cg or if I won some money i'd go on an o**y of gambling or buying a ticket means living on a dream and not engaging in real life bla bla the list goes on.... BUT part of me still wants (on occasion) to buy a ticket.

Now dont get me wrong... am not going to buy a ticket. I havent bought one since the summer of 2004.. which is quite something really.. but like i say the thoughts remain.. complacency I hear Ga members say... maybe so. Anyway i will leave these thoughts for now. Thanks for listening.. S.A

Hi again SA,

So you haven't bought one since Summer 2004. Let me see...

...6 whole years, £2 a week (Wed and Sat) £100 a year.

£600 minus a few tenner wins.

£500!

Fab!

Playing the lottery IS dangerous. There's nothing to stop you from going to a terminal which is very easy to access and asking for 100 lucky dips.

Just like wasting £100 on a single spin in an FOBT in just a matter of seconds.

And losing it all!

I did spend £1 on a raffle ticket in a local village quiz. Didn't win of course, but I could have had a chance to win a bottle of plonk for £1.

But what's important is that there is no way that I can get out of control with raffle tickets. Can you imagine the surprise from other people if you ask for £100 worth of tickets?! And it was the only raffle in the whole village. And it was for a good cause. Winners all round, really.

So pleased to hear that life is just normal for you and that you are enjoying running and swimming still. I am hoping to go out with the running club on Tuesday now that I am back home. Not planning to do any running events until next year as saving very little piece is my priority at the moment.

Keep in touch, mate, and keep up with the great work.

December (130 days to go!)

Hi SA

I always find myself pondering the same thing after I stabilize my gambling - why not do the lottery?

I would love to have the means to make a huge difference in the world, there are so many people suffering, and sad though it is - in a lot of cases all they need is a small amount of financial help to get back on their feet. HOWEVER! lol, I can make a difference without gambling. I can ask the many people begging in my home city if they have eaten today, can I buy them some food?, I can put a pound a week in a charity box, I can volunteer for a good cause. There are lots of things that are in my power right now to do this without money.

I am beginning to form the belief that the more you give, the more you receive. The more I create good karma for myself, the less I will need to rely on million chance shots like the lotto.

Im rambling on, but I think what I am trying to say, is this: are you perhaps feeling a lack of fulfillment that is leading to those thoughts? How fulfilling your life is for you, is in your control.

Anyway, soz for rambling on!

Take care,

f x

Hi ya December and Freda,

Thank you for your feedback. Interesting to read two different perspectives for not doing the lottery. They have certainly helped to clarify my thoughts.

I will not be buying any lottery product because its a waste of money and in reality it would be a response to certain "unmet needs". I think like f says the more fulfilled I feel in life the less I want to gamble period. I find my wanting or not wanting to buy a lottery ticket reflects my emotional state at any given moment.

Anyway ive had another positive day today.. had a nice chat with my mum who I havent chatted with for a while. On to the next day with a smile.. no gambling problems.. S.A

Hi S.A.,

Thanks for the kind words on my diary,like you at that time bankruptcy is the only sensible option for me right now,i'm not overly worried about getting a B.R.O.,more a case of preparing myself for one should it arise:),i did all of my bankruptcy paperwork myself and just took it to the C.A.B. to have it checked over,actually i had done it all ok,the person i spoke to said that i had been "more" honest than many people about where my money had gone, and she felt that would act in my favour with the O.R.I always read your diary although i only post on it now and then (and vice versa i guess)and like you i am on constant guard against complacency,i realise that in some ways being free of my debts could easily turn my thinking in a direction i don't want to go,so thanks for reading that situation so well:).You have a really good understanding of how this addiction works S.A.,it's brilliant to see the progress you have made.

Seano.

Hi SA,

Many thanks for your recent post on my diary - I read it just after I had some wonderful news and it was a brilliant time to be able to heed that warning of all this being undone in just ONE gambling session. So thanks again for this.

Went for a 1 mile jog last night and really struggled due to my asthma not being good this time of the year. Another few more weeks and it will be OK again.

Great decision on not doing the lottery. I played my last £1 just before my 40th and will never be wasting any money again.

Stay strong and may you have many more positive days!

October (66 days to go!)

Hi SA

Just wanted to thankyou for posting on my diary, you sound like your in a good place at the mo, long may that continue.

ODAAT, cheers for all your support! take care, ands

Hi SA

Thanks for your support on my Diary, it is appreciated.

Good to see you in a good place, keep up the fight. We can all send our gambling demons back to where they belong if we fight them with everything we can.

all the best

Jim (last bet 22/04/06)