Hi All,
Slipped again today from out of nowhere maybe it was the fact my Mrs is away at sea and i had "Nothing" to do, £400 down in no time and looking at my laptop thinking your a bloody idiot. I didnt set the blocking software on this laptop and that was the straw that broke the camels back. The worst part is im not angry im actually quite calm but calling myself an idiot over and over for the next few days as usual is a sure thing.
The thing is im in a good financial place and heading for a new job i just cannot seem to understand the trigger thats in my mind how i can go from visiting a friend on the afternoon to catch up to me sat upstairs hiding trying to reclaim my losses and saying another £200 wont hurt. Im just sick of this and tbh im not even sure when this bug started. I turn 28 next week and im starting to feel the effects of now im an adult and i should start acting like one.
Sadly i am with one of the most understanding and caring woman i have ever dated and yet i cannot tell her this secret, she knows about gambling in the past but this would be the last straw. Does anyone else have this trigger when one min your just walking along and the next your gambling? I dont even go to bookies and vary rarely casinos, its the online sites.
A new chapeter in my life is about to start and i need to stop this, ive found a random barcode from a tin of paint i didnt even look at the name of and made this my admin password, that barcode has been burned. Here to me hoping to crack this for the last time.
Thank you anyone for taking the time to read this....
Day 2,
Feel more alive today and more like a normal person again. Still have the sting of the loss on my mind but slowly fading. Something as simple as having a walk round town and enjoying the day makes things so much better. Had a job interview yesterday so waiting out on hopefully good news. Keep strong people!!!!
Dear Mac,
I just wanted to say good on you for picking yourself up and hopping back on the wagon. Wishing you all the luck in the world for your interview - a good reason to live a good life that supports you and yours. Fingers crossed!
Hello Lightsout,
Thank you for the good wishes, Just read your Diary and it sounds like you are doing well too. keep going strong 🙂
Mac1989
Hi Mac . Thankyou for the post on my diary . I believe keeping the diary and taking on board the knowledge and wisdom of GamCare friends has been a massive help in my recovery . I've also had 3 sessions of counselling ( can have up to 12 ) through GamCare , which I have found beneficial . Wishing you well and hope you find your way out of this terrible addiction . stephen
Hi Abstainer,
Thank you for the supportive message, will keep going strong. Day 3 all is good just thinking about the loss not having any feelings about playing, sometimes its just nice to have a cup of tea and watch some crappy TV or videos on youtube. Roll on day 4 🙂
Day 4,
All is good.......not thinking too much about it today
Dear Mac,
you must be one day away from a week of freedom! How are you doing?
Hi Lightsout,
I am now on Day 9 and doing fantastic, my Mrs now knows and all is good :). started getting back into the swing of normal stuff and not been stingy when it comes to buying stuff. Got myself a few new PC games to keep me busy so i can honestly say im very happy ATM. Keeping strong!!! Hope you are well too and enjoying your wekend!!
Mac1989
Well done Mac and a huge well done for letting you girlfriend know.
Keep it up
Conradnose
Day 13,
Honestly not been hapier on the gambling side, no urges so hopefully nipped it in the bud for now. Concentrating on a new job and new life. Roll on day 14
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