I finally managed to tell her.

So that's 60 days done! I can't believe that it's been that long already. It just proves that once you get in the right mind set and truly want to give up, the days soon clock up!!

Hi Dan , look at you go fella ! 60 day's already under your belt .

Whatever your doing is working for you my friend , I 'm really pleased for you .

Take care for now mate !

DAY 84!

I haven't done a post for a while so thought I should bring you up to speed with my progress. I have been thinking about gambling quite alot over the past few days. I think the thoughts are being brought on by not having much cash at the moment....

I spent days away at the Isle Of Wight over the new year period with my partner and friends and had a great time. Spent way to much on food and drink over Christmas and have my Stag Do to Berlin coming up in just 2 weeks. 8 weeks today until the wedding, March 4th, so that's why I feel a bit strapped for cash at the moment.

I have to keep telling myself that gambling is not a way to make money. And reminding myself of the 20k debt I am in because of the gambling. If I didn't gamble I wouldn't be strapped for cash so gambling is only going to make it worse.

Whilst I was away, we went bowling. The first time I have been somewhere so close to gambling simce i gave up. I used to run around like a 5 year old on to the coin pushers and whoever I was with used to stand there patiently until I ran out of money. Not any more. I walked past with a horrible feeling of guilt. I looked at my partner and said, I don't want to be in here. I don't like it. And I didn't. I hated the feeling that deep down I knew that if I started to play the even the 10p coin pushers that by the end of the day I would have been Lilley to be online wasting hundreds if not thousands trying to get the few quid back I originally lost.

I am more determined then ever to never gamble again. Total abstinence is the only way forward for me.

91 days gamble free.

The wedding plans are coming together and the Stag Is next weekend. I wonder if I'm going to make it through the weekend with my eyebrows still in tact!?

Eyebrows ? Prob not ! , well done buddy and look at you go at 91 , 9 more and you get a membership of the century club !!!

Nothing wrong with my maths eh ?.

Take care my friend !

Cheers Alan

Can't believe how the time has flown by. The first few days were hell but looking back I can't understand why I gave up such a great life to the horrible addictionot of gambling.

Everytime someone even mentions the Go-Ahead word it makes we feel funny inside like a kid who's getting told off for eating to much cake.

I truly believe the best decision of my life was to come clean that night before I lost everything. In the end it turns out I have gained so much more!!

Well done on your journey as well Alan. Looks like are doing really well!

Thanks for the support right from the beginning, it's been really good to know someone else can relate to the journey in the same way that I can.

Yep! Makes you feel kinda good doesn't it ! Mate , I'm so chuffed for you and just think about going into married life being a non gambler ? Hope you two have a great future together , you deserve it . Stay positive buddy and talk to you soon !

This is a superb diary, great result Dan you must be immensely proud of yourself!

May I ask (if it's not too personal) what was your main vice (horses, poker, FOBT's, online, casino?) and what were your triggers? I must say not having much cash in my pocket does drive me to think about gambling but a couple of days into my new routine I'm thinking less about it.

Kev.

I would do everything from spending ВЈ1 on the meat draw down the local pub to spending £1000's on roulette and blackjack online. I still don't know what my triggers were. I used to gamble so often, I genuinely don't believe I had any. That was really weird.... I just used the word had as a past tense without even thinking about it. For years it would have allways been in the present tense.

Kev, I would give you this advice. Talk to someone who would be hurt if they found out the extent of your gambling. If you talk to people that don't care, then you won't think twice about letting them down.

The hardest thing in this world for me to do now would be to hurt my wife to be by gambling again. I was so close to loseing everything and the chance she gm has given me has made me sit up and listen that life is real. Life is about the little things. It's about the getting up, going to work, coming home to a smile and more than everything it's about freedom. Whilst your a gambler you have no freedom and it prevents all of the above.

Telling my wife to be was the hardest thing I have ever done as I used the excuse I didn't want to hurt her. What I realised at the time was that I had been hurting her... she just didn't know it yet. Sooner or later she was going to find out. I also thought that if I was going to marry her and if she loved me as much as I love her, then I knew deep down she would stick with me and give me the support that I knew I needed. Kev, I know it's hard and I know I don't know you from Adam but do you really want to live a life of lies? Do you want your kids to grow up knowing your seeking around gambling or do you want them to be proud of you being an honest daddy? My advice from my experience is to tell the person who is closest to you. Make them hold you accountable.

Hope eveything turns out well for you mate and we are allways here to give support to you for when things don't seem to be going well.

Good luck Kev, give it your all!!!

Hello old friend and thank you so much for your really kind post on my diary , Weve not spoken for a while and I was just looking back at some of our earlier chats and how the time has flown for us both !. To be honest I'd looked at my day count earlier in the week , have been a bit unwell and totaly forgot about the 150 mark today , I suppose thats good in a way that I'm not now too pre occupied with the count anymore ?.

I don't really think too much of the gambling anymore and have got used to just living a normal life again , which I'm really enjoying , been a bit of a di.ck on here this week but all's well again and am putting it down to the man flu and gobbing off to unload my rubbish on ssome poor sod !. I suppose with us recovering CG's were all still not used to dealing with feelings sometimes after being emotionally numb for all those years !.

So you look as though your'e doing great 112 ? way to go buddy , superb result and I'm made up for you and for all that effort your'e reaping rewards ! . Wedding coming up in about a month if I'm not mistaken ? you said on one of our last posts that you were worried about keeping the eyebrows on the stag , LOL ! How did that go , still got em ? . you can always use the permanent marker if theyv'e not fully grown back !!.

Anyway thanks again dan , really glad all's well for you and yours and that your a lot less worried over stuff than in the early days ! .

Take care my friend and stay safe !

Best wishes , and big respect my friend !

Alan

Morning Dan , thanks for your post Buddy and listen to you , Mr old married man now , congratulations my friend and I hope your day went great for you both . Big ,big turnaround from where you were 6 months ago eh? and testiment to you that coming clean was the best choice you ever made as it allowed you to move forward with nothing to hide .

Ithink we always will still think about gambling to some extent but as you say you and I know we can never safely gamble again , however those feelings do get less and less with each day that passes.

Great to hear from you Dan and I'm really pleased that lifes working out for you now , the hard works paying off !.

onwards and upwards as you say , so time to get my hands on thioose breasts again !

Have a good one my friend and stay safe !

Best wishes to you and yours , with respect .................Alan

So today is 199 days since the big "come clean day".
Tomorrow will be a huge goal of mine that I have been working towards of 200 days gamble free. I have obtained entirely from every single opportunity to gamble that I've had from the meat draw down the local to the fruit machines, scratch cards, lottery to the what was the biggest burden of my life, online blackjack, roulette, slots and poker.

I am absolutely amazed that I have done it. I never realised I had the strength to do it to this degree but I have one super strong influence in my life. My new wife who I decided was worth more to me that this stupid disease of gambling that riddled my body for so many years. Well f U Disease!! I've beet you and you ent never coming back!!

Although I haven't posted much recently, I have been reading others stories and if there's one bit of advice that I can give to everyone out there, it would be to be honest. Come clean to people you love and they will drag out of this.

That is the "way out" that so many of us are/were looking for. It is not easy to turn the peoples lives that you love the most upside down and destroy the trust in and the relationships that has been built up over time but my god, after it passes, you really do truley find out what love is and how much those special people really do mean to you.

Keep it real guys and good luck to every single one of you.

Dan

When you see a diary cone up that you have not seen for a long time I often think the worst, here they come back again after thinking they had it beat.

When yours just popped up I didn't have that thought. Probally because I know you got your dirty little secret out.

Your right telling your loved ones is a massive part. Only once I did this did I start to get to grips with my addiction. Allowed me and you to admit and accept we just can't stop.

Massive congratulations on getting to 200 days tomorrow Dan your right to be proud of yourself.

KTF

Hi KFT

Thanks for your kind words. I really appreciate the support from everyone on here and we'll done to you aswell for coming clean!

Dan

Just checking in. 217 days done and dusted.

Still feeling good. I finally feel I can live my life instead of allways being fearful of it coming crashing down around me. The foundations are set and it's going to take one hell of an earthquake to break these bad boys.

Thanks to everyone who has supported me through this journey. I wanted to keep posting to show everyone else that obtaining from gambling is possible but you truly have to want to give up.

Good luck everyone. 1 day at a time.

Cheers

Dan