I HATE MYSELF

I'm gutted .., got to day 13 and iv done it again ... Feeling so sad , I'm wondering what it's going to take to stop .. I really do not know what I'm going to do , what a looser I am ...

JUST STOP NOW

PLEASE JUST STOP

said it before

no doubt I'll say it again ..

EPIC FAIL TODAY

its so early in the morning and iv the rest of the day to face in this mood

"What's it going to take?" you ask but you have the answers already! Exclude from everywhere then instal the software, downgrade your equipment if needs must & get those barriers sky high whilst you figure out other ways to deal with your torment! For years I kidded myself I could control my gambling, on the back of every fat failure was a desire to quit having gone back time & time again to recoup my losses only to get deeper into the hole! Discovering that there is no such thing as control for me, I cannot win because I cannot stop has been my saviour! All the time you allow addiction to promise you a solution you cannot heal, but you are stronger than you think, you are a single mum raising 3 kids...Addiction is a killer, don't let it destroy anymore of you!

Pictures on Facebook are free (aren't they) & you obviously have enough electricals to be uploading them so take the kids to the park, sit them round a film with a bowl of popcorn (the old fashioned kind that they can see you/help make), get them dressing up with things in the house, be proud of what you have achieved!

You can want this with every beat of your heart @ the moment but this feeling only last so long & then it's actions that keep you safe! Recovery is possible - ODAAT

ODAAT wrote:

"What's it going to take?" you ask but you have the answers already! Exclude from everywhere then instal the software, downgrade your equipment if needs must & get those barriers sky high whilst you figure out other ways to deal with your torment! For years I kidded myself I could control my gambling, on the back of every fat failure was a desire to quit having gone back time & time again to recoup my losses only to get deeper into the hole! Discovering that there is no such thing as control for me, I cannot win because I cannot stop has been my saviour! All the time you allow addiction to promise you a solution you cannot heal, but you are stronger than you think, you are a single mum raising 3 kids...Addiction is a killer, don't let it destroy anymore of you!

Pictures on Facebook are free (aren't they) & you obviously have enough electricals to be uploading them so take the kids to the park, sit them round a film with a bowl of popcorn (the old fashioned kind that they can see you/help make), get them dressing up with things in the house, be proud of what you have achieved!

You can want this with every beat of your heart @ the moment but this feeling only last so long & then it's actions that keep you safe! Recovery is possible - ODAAT

ODAAT

I know what it's going to take really deep down I do . But why I why don't I take my own advice and everyone else's . I have felt the pain of loosing but some how the loss yesterday feels different I know this for sure I'm not willing to chance it any more

I'm not going to find out what it will take I'm just going to do it .

I cannot afford to find out what it will take . I'm going to block , and exclude and change my phone to a cheaper one . I can't do much about the money iv lost but I am going to try and limit the damage I have done by making today the day I stop .

Blocking in progress as we speak even from sites I have not been on .

Day 1

i gambled yesterday

I WILL NOT GAMBLE TODAY

Day 3 ..

Just a quick check in today , been busy which is good , decided to decorate

paint brush at the ready ..

No time to gamble today

Hi just read all your posts. The only advice I can give you if u really wanna stop gambling online is. Cut the internet off. I've been without it for a year now and it's stopped massive losses. If we bet online it does not feel like money at least in the bookies u could see the money going in. I stopped the Internet if I hadn't I would probably by now have lost car house everything please put blocks in place. I still lapse but the losses are not massive anymore.

The only thing I miss is the catch up TV service.

Wishing you all the best. C

Carl Simon .. It's too easy to gamble online , hundreds of sites but unfortunately most of my buissness is conducted online I work on line and rely on daily emails , I would loose my only means if funds if I cut of the internet . I'm banned from almost every major online gambling site but new ones pop up all the time , It is far too tempting , I'm going to have to rely on will power and as many blockers as I can install . I think any one could always find a way to gamble if they really wanted , I went to the shop once and bought 40 pounds of scratch cards just because I couldn't access a site . Iv had enough of this awful situation I'm in

my gambling however goes hand in hand with the situation I'm in , sometimes it's life it's self that needs sorting out.

I gamble when I feel down and stressed , I'm working on making my life different focusing on , changing things at home , it seems to be working at the present and over the last few weeks I'm feeling a little more positive that I can beet this

iv gambled once in the last 3 weeks I know it's one time too many but it's a huge step for me who has usually spent my wages before I get them , this month there will be money in the bank . I like that feeling and at the moment I am not thinking that it is money for gambling . Once you realise that there is a way out I think you can move on . Sorting bills out and paying debts instead of hiding from them isn't as bad as I thought , it's a huge relief and this has given me hope that I can do this it feels do much better . But I'm not kidding my self I need the blockers , iv spent hours registering my self to sites then excluding myself straight away and iv tried to log on to some and failed .

There are so many sites and quite a few are run by the same companies , when you exclude yourself you are excluded from any partner sites . I cannot even remember how May sites I have registered myself on there is so many , I am excluded from them all .

Thanks for your comment

I agree no internet would be best but it's not an option for me .

I will not gamble today

I tried to gamble but thanks to the blockers I didn't , I didn't try to again and just left it after one attempt , it's those spur of the moment lapses of will power that undo a lot of hard work .

Day 5

Christmas shopping today .

Looking foward to Christmas now , I actually am beginning to sort things out on the money front .. I'm actually surprised how different my bank balence looks after just a matter of weeks ..

I hanvt gambled today

feeling positive about the weekend xx

Wish I could say the same today Lesley. What the hell am I doing? Why am I going? Why! X

[quote=GT]

Enjoy your weekend of positivity.

GT

Thanks GT

Day 6 ..

Things are looking good for a weekend free from gambling and I still have money in the bank . I have got quite a lot on over the next few days so hopefully I can abstain . I'm greatful for the blockers I have in place and they have stopped me on a few occasions this week I have swapped my phone with my son and installed gam block on my PC . I no longer rely on my own will to succeed but the more I don't gamble the more I like it .

I'm pretty sure I will not gamble today .

Keep focused, stay strong and break your habit. They say it takes 21 days to break a habit, once you break the habit you can break your addiction. We are all here for you

How are you doing Lesley? X

Hi Lesley, I hope you are well.

My Eyes are shut tight , I cannot quite believe what I have done . I'm familiar with this feeling .. A mixture of panic , fear , guilt , n sheer dread , Washes over me as I have just lost a months wages in a few hours ... Iv decided uet again to try and fix the mess i have made im cancelling direct debits inbetween writing this post .I'm tired of trying to fix thing tired of this feeling tired full stop ..
How do you escape this hell I'm in ...

Been a while Lesley. Solutions appear to be easy for some but for others this addiction can be life and death. Why not give Gamcare a ring a explore some options?