Iain

Iain

fella welcome to the forum,a place full of like minded folk who all share the same goal,to arrest the self gifted destruction that gambling brings to their lives and those of whom they hold dear.

Admitting you are powerless to control your gambling is without doubt the first step and a huge one.

Well done for self excluding,have you placed blocking software in place too,I believe it is available for free,it will be of a huge help.

There is a wealth of help out there,GA is a place that provided me with the opportunity to take control of my life again,we say in the room give recovery 90 days,if you don't see it changing your life then by all means go back at it.

This forum is too a place full of some amazing folk,with some equally amazing knowledge and all freely pass it on.

My advice,the advice gifted to me on my first days recovery that still works today

There is a Triangle Time-Money-Location

take at least one away at all times and the punt becomes impossible,gifting your rational side some time to think,time to re educate the mind.

Embrace recovery fella,it is a gift,the one selfish act that actually will have a profound effect on those you hold dear,those folk I let my own addiction believe I gambled for.

The mantra we all live by whilst in action

I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP

is turned on it's head,the day you stop you really do start winning and the stake???

No a single penny!!!

Enjoy it,be kind to yourself,it may not feel like it today but you did something amazing in admitting your failings.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Thanks Duncan

The triangle is something I'd like to look at, at a later date. It seems perfectly logical and I'm already, instinctivly, using it towards recovery...

Your words here are helpful, especially now, I think, in my early stages when I feel I am stumbling blindfolded into recovery and I thank you for them.

Day 3

Borrowed money to cover debts from 4 days+ ago, tomorrow I will speak to my bank and see how things stand. Hopefully downgrade my visa card to a simple atm card and find out how much I've built up in bank charges.

Also hoping to here from RCA with regards to counciling.

so far so good

Day 4

Walking to the bank with pockets full of borrowed cash was not so joyous, but i did walk past 4 bookies and a slot machine shop without gambling. so good for me 🙂

To be honest, I'm still @ shame, guilt, remorse from my fall 5+ days ago so the temptation was limited, nowhere near how strong I know it can (will) get.

The voice was there..."pay back this loan, sort out all the cash problems, xmas is near" but it was muted. I think it will only get harder from here and so I know i must only be stronger.

Also, spoke openly and honestly to a friend about my situation, that was hard but it felt good to talk.

On a lighter note, my first huge fail, and several after that were focused on a slot called rainbow riches(a lighter note?). I think I'd like the music from that as my phone ring tone. A frequent reminder of the mistakes of my past, lest I repeat them.

My partner thinks it would only be further temptation and I have learned to trust that judgement 🙂

Day 5

I got a call from therapist, could be a couple of weeks but I'm on the waiting list and he will be in touch.

Work prohibits G.A. meetings this week and next, UNLESS I tell my work! They would make allowances for therapy if I told them about it, not just a chat with my boss but in a "supervision", a documented and signed conversation with management...should I?

nothing else to say today but... day 5... 🙂 every day i'm here, I'm winning.

day 7

one week.

also, apropos to nothing(?) three weeks a non smoker.

meeting with bank went well I suppose, canceled credit card and they waived my unautherised overdraft fees for me.

banks get a lot of grief these days but this was much appreciated, and the lady I spoke to was kind, sympathetic and helpful.

the bad news was that the only account they could offer me without the ability to deposit online would be one without an overdraft... which i cannot switch to until i pay off my overdraft...which im in no position to do...yet.

This has been another good day for me. I resisted temptation and came home with money in my pocket, made positive steps to limit future temptations(and i feel this is important because I know it gets harder) and I continued my recovery blog which is helpful, even if no one is reading 🙂 it helps me.

Hi Iain,

I have just read it...Good on you 🙂

Words of wisdom as ever from Duncs.

I too was a Rainbow Riches victim, I even purchased an old one to try & stay away from the shops...It didn't work. Many years of trying to control my gambling led me to an American site (I have no idea how I found that but not this) much like this one & the stinging reality that I had no option but to quit! I was already self excluded from most of the local establishments as well as a growing number further afield as I travelled to get my fix but I immediately turned my finances over to my partner, started writing a diary & read til the words blurred. Today I withdrew cash for the 1st time in my life without being scared & hours later it's still where I put it & it hasn't disappeared along with anything else I could get my hands on to chase it! I always trusted my partner's judgement I just 'knew better' - It's so good to hear you saying that you know yours is right.

Keep putting up walls til you've got a bit of clean time...3 weeks of not smoking & 1 week of not gambling, the urges will be no match for you! Welcome to recovery!

- ODAAT

Thank you ODAAT

Reading other folks stories, both the positive and negative, is helpful to me but especially so when I read achievements like yours, which seem so far away for me, being realised.

Day 8

Today I bought a lotto ticket!

I am not resetting my clock.

still on day 8.

I mention it here because lotto tickets have never been a problem for me, and I made a conscious decision to continue to play.

Id guess used to spend £2 a week at most on them and im curious to see if that will increase as all my problem gambling is being denied. So every pink ticket I buy I will reecord on here.

Ive never had a problem with scratch cards either, couple of pounds a week, down to almost none since i stopped smoking(same retailer for both) but I feel that they are high risk for me. I will monitor the pink tickets but I will not buy scratch cards.

Seems an arbitrary distinction perhaps...it feels right.

Iain,

Whatever feels right for you. You'll know your own limits. Some people can buy lottery tickets during recovery and some can't. If it's never caused any problem for you in the past, then there's probably no harm. Well done on reaching day 8. Now for the next 8....

Thank you Martin.

To be honest, i'm kinda curious...my 1st big gambling problem was fobt in bookies. i dealt with that(i thought) and all was good.

Then I discovered online gambling...I remember several times saying that they were my saviour because I could set deposit limits, somrthing that I could not do in bookies.

Of course, I was wrong. A £10 pound a week limit on almost endless online sites was worse than I ever was. Its frightening how much I was losing whilst still believing that by avoiding the bookies I was doing well.

I replaced one destructive habit with another.

This is why I will be recording every lotto ticket I buy on here.

I dont know my own limits Martin, I am trying to find out though.

and yes, now for the next 8 🙂

Day 11

Into double figures 🙂

Missed a couple of days on here, nothing bad, just been getting on with things.

I have been keeping busy and so have had(or, have noticed?) no huge temptations these last few days, which, of course, is good.

A couple of points of interest I suppose...I caught up with some old friends and chose not to mention my recent fail. I'm not sure why as they are familiar with my previous gambling problems.

I think that after days of confesional blogging and complete disclosure with partner and family, it was nice to have a social event that was not focussed on my problem.

The other interesting event was a gaming site that I have not closed or self excluded from, let me explain...It is exclusivly a bingo site and I signed up a long time ago, rarely playing it except with my partner. It has a £10 a week deposit limit and we discussed it and I am happy to leave it open. Bingo bores me. Bingo halls however remain a no go for me, so much slot machine temptation there.

anyway, this bingo site gave me a £5 christmasy bonus and i asked my partner to play it. Won £90 which we withdrew into my bank. I wont deny that this will help with the losses I amassed 12+ days ago ( 12 days I've not gambled sounds good, 12 days ago I lost christmas wages gambling sounds less good! depends how you look at it I suppose 🙂 ) and for me there was no temptation, its a bingo only site, meh. But previously, a win on that site, with my partner, would have me on other sites, alone, because I was ahead, winning streak, well I guess you know where that ends.

I'm not claiming a success for my will power here, being self excluded from ever site that has my details and not being able to join new sites was key!

Day 12

Didn't gamble today, that is all 🙂

Oh, and checked the 3 sited i closed for a month rather than leaving completely(it seemed a good idea at the time) and they re-activate 26th december so I have a boxing day task lol, close them for good!

day 21

21 days; 3 weeks!

I've been away from here for a few days, just been keeping myself busy but It's good to be back.

to be able to "talk" about the temptations(there have been a few), the worries and stresses, and the pride at continuing successes without feeling i'm adding to the emotional grief I've caused my loved ones, or just boring them is very helpful.