I'm gonna beat this!

Day thirty two.

Well I'm over the 1 month mark gamble free.

I'm still worrying off and on about debts and have a slight fear for the future, but all in all I'm trying to be positive. No massive gambling urges - just the odd thought creeping in now and again.

I'm really noticing how gambling is EVERYWHERE. You can't walk down the street without seeing something. And the amount of ads on television!?! Especially evenings or day time tv. It has been making me slightly cross at times. I often give the t.v The Finger when one comes on 😀

Day 36.

Part of me is beginning to miss gambling and playing on my favourite sites. Seems crazy after the destruction it's caused, but I'm actually saddened at the thought of never playing again. I suppose I'm remembering the times before it all went out of control, in the days where gambling was fun for me. I remember when gambling would be an end of week treat for me, and I'd look forward to a Friday evening of casino games or poker or bingo. But now, that just seems sad, and a tad pathetic. There are many other more important things to look forward to in life - things which will actually bring joy and fulfilment.

So yeah, I'm missing the thrill of winning, but I'm very glad to not be falling into that awful abyss anymore.

A x

Day 44.

No major gambling urges this week, although the lack of cash flow aftermath of my last slip still has me feeling down on occasion. I'm finding the financial side hard to accept and deal with. I know eventually it'll get sorted out if I continue to restrain from betting, but that road seems long and daunting today 🙁

Day 50.

Had a nice bank holiday weekend relaxing with the fella... Feeling a tad down today 'cos he's gone home, do I'm a little bored and lonely. Just the right frame of mind to look for a betting site I haven't yet banned myself from. But instead I'm coming on here to post and browse to sort my head out a tad x

Day 57.

Same old story of being fed up because of a lack of funds, but despite that I'm in a pretty happy and positive mood. Hurray! 🙂

I wrote a letter to my bank last week asking for aid in finding a solution to repay my stupidly massive overdraft. I've written for help with this in the past, but my letter was sadly ignored, or perhaps just never made it to the right person. I'm hoping they don't over look me this time. I need something in place and a plan of action if only to feel more in control.

It'll be quite some time yet before I've sorted things out enough to hear the ring of wedding bells.

Here's to another good week of not letting gambling rule or ruin my life. Next bench mark is 60 days free. x

Past the two month mark! Day 64 🙂

Still no reply from my bank. I'm afraid they're going to ignore my letter for help yet again! I'm sure I'll figure out a way to repay the overdraft at some point in the future, and once I do I think I may seriously consider changing my bank.

In other news I had a good weekend. Celebrated a friends 40th and spent time with the fianc, which was nice. It's my brothers birthday this week too. Another meal to find money for, but my lovely mum said she'd lend me some for it 🙂

All the best,

Pinky x

Read some of your thread , your doing great pinky keep I going , we can all do this

Fitzy

Day 71

Wow, the days are racking up now 🙂 I'm feeling rather proud about that.

Thanks for your comment Fitzy, means a lot. Reminds me we are all rooting for one another and we're not in this alone.

I was going to come in and say I was having serious thoughts of gambling just now. The old thoughts telling me 'but a tenner would be okay. I can plenty afford that!' Etc, I'm sure we're all familiar with such thoughts. But I'm glad that I came in here instead for that reminder of why I can't & that Ilittle boost of will power.

Thanks Gamcare and all the admins and users xxx Let's stay strong!

Hi pinky

I've sat and read thro you who diary, I found it extremely interesting and a former wife of a CG

His type of gambling was all online but started as a late teen with fruit machines. He too would bet hundreds turning to thousands until he only worked in tens of thousands. Each time the stake greater. Money that was never his to bet with either. He got his money by taking out loans using credit cards then pay day loans to pay off the credit cards only to be able to use the cards again. He could go months without gambling. The longest around 18 months. Then for no real reason he'd do it again. 52k here 46k there 13 k here again. Ridiculous amounts with no way of earning enough to pay it back on his own.

In not a gambler or even a risk taker but I can understand more those who relapse cos they have cash in their pockets and get drawn into a bookies. I can compare that to an alcoholic. A moment of weakness I guess and they cave. But I have tried for years to understand this type of CG.

I may never understand but I'd like to try.

If you ever have a lightbulb moment that's a true explanation on how you can go months without then BAM it happens again I would truly love to know. Every bodies reason/feelings are different but there must be one thing that all CG have in common

Thanks pinky

Shelly

I've stuffed it all again.

I caved tonight a signed up to a new gambling site out of boredom and part drunkeness.

I upped my overdraft to 2500 from 2000 even though I'm worried about paying the latter. Obviously I spent the whole 500 available to me. I'm still not sure why. Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid! Oh for goodness sake. I was doing so well. Why would/could I do that?!?!?

Hi Pinky,

Yes it is S***e it is wrong and annoying. As hard, painful and wobbly you must feel now - you hav to stand up. Just stand up and dust yourself down. Go outside and get some fresh air. Keep breathing and let yourself to calm down. Slips are part of recovery. I never admitted that to myself fully until last Saturday. As hard as it might be, you hav to accept it. Do not chase your losses, that would be just another blow for yourself, don't self inflict pain...start healing yourself. Anger will ease off, peace will come back, it is very painful..I know how you must feel but plz let it go and look at reality. None of us will ever beat it, none of us will come out as winners and none of us will find comfort hiding from ourselves. Chose life - it is there in front of you...for free. Peace and calmness will soon follow, embrace the unknown, learn to smile and laugh again, learn to be honest with yourself and accept your shortcomings. None of us are perfect, but life never stops teaching us lessons. You learned yours, learn from your mistake and set yourself free to the life you so deserve. We all deserve, we just struggle to find the right path going forward but it's there my friend, just keep breathing and believing.

Slip is a lesson of this journey, learn from it and come back stronger. You are worth it.

Day at a time

S x

I really need someone to talk to, but don't want to approach anyone close to me because of how I'd be disappointing them. I want more than anything to tell my fianc but I'm scared he might think I'm too much to deal with and go away. Putting this all into perspective this is a little slip, financially. A massive one emotionally. I don't know what to do x

No money can compare with emotional distress. Try to contact netline, just talk to someone. Or keep posting, many people around here and we all understand. It hurts, definitely but you hav to let that pain go. It's done and nothing will bring last few hours back. Stand up and get it all out of your system. Shout, cry, hit a pillow (not a wall), hav a cuppa, just try to calm down. You are not on your own...just keep breathing and close by...it is not the end of the world.

What about putting K9 on ur computer/tablet? Really good blocking software and is for free. Self exclude from that site too, stay strong and get all the support available. You r not on your own. X

Thanks.

I told my fianc, and in his words he doesn't know what to do and he is lost.

So am I, and I'm terrified of losing him. I think I will now and if I do there's no reason to carry on, I'd be back to where I've always been.