It's now or never!... 13th May 2018

Reading your diary I can tell you are definitely a fighter, you have proved that already in your journey.. sometimes we have to try new things or just get straight back up and start fighting again. Everytime we fall that little gambling voice laughs at us but as soon as we get back up again we can laugh at it and send it back to the sad place it came from.

Hope you are proud of what you have achieved so far, imagine if we had never decided to stop, how much money would we have lost or be in debt with by now, if your gambling was anything like mine then that 400 pound would be like a drop in the ocean.. you have done so well to come this far.

I still get tempted every day, especially when work is stressful or money is tight or I have just had a down day... that voice is always there and I accept that it always will be because it wants to win so will try it's hardest to whatever it takes.

Best wishes, we can do this 🙂

angel x

xangel11x wrote:

Reading your diary I can tell you are definitely a fighter, you have proved that already in your journey.. sometimes we have to try new things or just get straight back up and start fighting again. Everytime we fall that little gambling voice laughs at us but as soon as we get back up again we can laugh at it and send it back to the sad place it came from.

Hope you are proud of what you have achieved so far, imagine if we had never decided to stop, how much money would we have lost or be in debt with by now, if your gambling was anything like mine then that 400 pound would be like a drop in the ocean.. you have done so well to come this far.

I still get tempted every day, especially when work is stressful or money is tight or I have just had a down day... that voice is always there and I accept that it always will be because it wants to win so will try it's hardest to whatever it takes.

Best wishes, we can do this 🙂

angel x

Thanks for your support, Angel. It really does mean a lot.

Yes, I have to view the last 5 months as massive progress and treat this occurance as a bump in my journey ahead.

Congratulations on your continued abstinance. You’re doing great girl!

Take care x

Reminder wrote:

Hi Dan,

Sorry to hear you suffered a set back. However, you are doing great in posting it here and grabbing the issue by the horns, so to speak. You have intervened quickly and therefore kept the damage relatively small.

I am sure you will find your strength again and take this experience for the better when you feel like gambling in the future.

When having a difficult time at work like you wrote or when other negative stuff occurs, those are the times that the temptation of gambling is at its peak. At least, that is how it usually goes in my opinion.

Stay strong. 🙂

Thanks Reminder.

Yes, I managed to limit the damage to £400 in 16 days. It’s by no means ideal but I suppose it could have been a lot worse.

I need to reassess what works for me and pick up where I left off. I got heavily into reading and running over the summer but that slowly dropped off. I should have known then that trouble was not too far away.

Thanks for your support mate.

Well done on your excellent progress.

Dan

DeterminedDan wrote:

Hi Caughtup, Donna. Long time no speak. Hope you’re both doing well.

Unfortunately I had a slip, which has resulted in me losing £400 in the last 16 days.

No excuses really. I got lured in with a free bet on a particularly low night after a really difficult week at work. But I should have been much stronger than I was and ridden it out rather than give in.

There’s no point crying over it now. What’s done is done. I have to bounce back from this.

Those 131 days that I managed to stay gamble free has enable to build up some savings and I now need to build on that again.

Tomorrow I shall reflect on what changes I will make to this recovery. It’s still been a good year, generally, and a marked improvement on previous years. But I must finish the year strongly now.

I did try to sign in a few times myself last week to confess all but I couldn’t log on which was frustrating.

I’m glad to see you both progressing well on your journies. I’ve missed you both, as well as others too.

Dan x

Hi Dan,
So sorry to read you had a setback hun but what's done is done, you can and will get your mojo back I have faith in you! You had the balls to come back here and admit what happened, that shows your strength right there. How are you feeling today? You have so many allies on here who are behind you every step of the way and I for one look forward to your future milestones!
Dx

Sorry to hear your news Dan.

You know what to do to get back on track.

re asseement sounds like a good plan. Have every confidence in you.

Thanks everyone for your lovely messages. It means the world to me that people do care enough to write such lovely messages.

Stupidly, I went and lost another £120 last night when in a bit of a panic about finances. I felt really low and gutted about how I’d lost my 131 days of consecutive non gambling, that I didn’t seem to care what happened next.

I’ve put a few things into perspective this morning though and realised that I’ve only really set myself back by a couple of months. By Christmas I should be back on target.

This whole journey is a work in progress and I’ve come such a long way from this time last year. I’ve proved to myself that I don’t need gambling in my life.

So here goes. Will talk again to my girlfriend and let her know where I went wrong and what steps we can take next.

I’m feeling relatively positive at the moment because I can feel some progress being made. I just need to put confidence into actions now.

Dan

Hi Dan, really sorry to see you’ve had a slip.

But, as hugely frustrating and gutting as it must be, it is only that, a mere slip. You did (and are still doing) amazing work in not gambling any more. No road is perfectly straight, apart from maybe a few Roman ones, but you get my point 🙂

It is not easy is it? Me and you were running very close to each other in terms of days GF. I have been getting the strongest urges since I started over the past few weeks. Always on a Friday, after a full on stress filled week at work.

I wasn’t any stronger than you were when it came to my resistance, it is purely and simply (and I include this evening) 100% down to GAMSTOP. If I had of been able to register and deposit on any of the 10 odd sites I have tried to in the past few Fridays, I too would’ve been back to zero.

I am going to be frank here though, I think this is danger time for you right here right now. I’ve been here before, slipped after a period of abstinence. Relapsed, lost a bit and thought I’d got it out of system. Deep down, if I was honest with myself at the time, I knew I hadn’t. The big losses were just around the next corner. Be massively on your guard. Get those blocks in. Realise there is absolutely no harm done but do get FULLY back on the wagon now before you are sucked back in again.

Stay strong mate.

DeterminedDan wrote:

Thanks everyone for your lovely messages. It means the world to me that people do care enough to write such lovely messages.

Stupidly, I went and lost another £120 last night when in a bit of a panic about finances. I felt really low and gutted about how I’d lost my 131 days of consecutive non gambling, that I didn’t seem to care what happened next.

I’ve put a few things into perspective this morning though and realised that I’ve only really set myself back by a couple of months. By Christmas I should be back on target.

This whole journey is a work in progress and I’ve come such a long way from this time last year. I’ve proved to myself that I don’t need gambling in my life.

So here goes. Will talk again to my girlfriend and let her know where I went wrong and what steps we can take next.

I’m feeling relatively positive at the moment because I can feel some progress being made. I just need to put confidence into actions now.

Dan

Hi Dan
Just checking in seeing how your getting on. Did you speak with your girlfriend? Hope all well!
Dx

Hi folks, it’s been a pretty turbulent 29 days since I relapsed after my 131 days of abstinence 🙁

Stupidly, after my recent relapses, it didn’t end there. I’ve since gone on to lose a further £230. Taking my total losses to £750.

I’ve nobody else to blame but myself. I guess once I’d restarted gambling, the floodgates re-opened and I found it hard to stop.

Thankfully, the previous 4 and a half months had seen me save quite a lot of money and this last month or so has probably undone about half of that.

So if I can abstain from gambling until the end of the year, I’d still consider it to be a decent year for me. Much better than previous years anyway.

I never got chance to speak to my girlfriend about my recent relapses because she was having her own personal issues that needed lots of attention. I will however talk to her either tonight or tomorrow.

‘Gamstop’ will be something I’ll look into tomorrow and look to get signed up. I thought having my girlfriend as support would be enough to curb my gambling, and to be fair, it did for quite a while, but I think it’s proven to be not enough.

I had such a brilliant Summer and a big part of that was down to not gambling. I was saving money, I felt totally relaxed, much happier, a lot healthier and felt much better as a human being.

I now want to gear myself up for Christmas and to get those happy feelings back.

I’m sorry to those who took the time to write on my diary. I can only apologise and hope that my future actions are a way of also saying sorry.

Thanks for reading. X

Hi mate, like u 2018 has been a successful year compared to last, ive lost 600 this year, 1600 year before and 4000 year before that. We are not perfect and Rome wasn't built in a day. If we continue to try our hardest and improve each year then eventually we will get a zero year. Ifur anything like me

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Gambling has made u super savvy in other areas of life so don't spend too much now overall. Look for the positives to this year and Finnish on a high. Adam

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Dearest despondent Dan I feel the sorrow and imagine your feeling somewhat foolish, battered and bemused. For whatever reason you chose to gamble after a lengthy abstinence but hopefully you can learn from it, address your mistakes and move on.

You are a compassionate man of courage and integrity who is prepared to make sacrifices so that he may live a contented life free from fear, shame and torment. Be proud of who you are, stand tall and respect yourself.

Determined Dan has what it takes to beat this godforsaken addiction and NOTHING is going to stop him...stephen

Day 1

Cheers Adam and Stephen.

Yes, I’m trying to look at things from a positive angle and to not be too hard on myself. I’m aiming to end the year on a high.

Woke up this feeling with that usual numb, gambling hangover feeling. But I’ve been here many times before so I know that I have to get through the first few days by keeping myself ultra busy and not reflect too much on what I’ve done.

I’ll maybe try and go for a run after work and then relax tonight by doing some reading. I need to get back some routine to my sleeping as it was all over the place again due to my gambling.

Day 1 (Continued...)

Just finished work for the day. I’ve driven to the place I came to during the very early stages of my last recovery... Costa Coffee.

I didn’t want to go home too early, otherwise I’d have spent the rest of the afternoon/evening mulling over what I’ve done over the last few weeks. So instead, I’m sat here with a lovely cup of coffee at the window, watching the world go by. It helps to keep my mind busy.

I’ll go home in about half an hour, prepare some tea, have a shower and then relax with a book.

I’ll finish the evening by dropping a £1 into my pound jar to signal the end of a successful, non gambling day. That tells me that I’ve won my battle for today.

Dan

Something that I’ve just worked out is that I’ve been gamble free for a total of 159 days out of 295 so far in 2018. That means I’ve been gamble free for 54% of the year.

I don’t know the exact figures from 2017 but I reckon my gamble free percentage was somewhere around 45%. So I have a chance to finish the year off strongly and ensure that 2018 is a big improvement on 2017.