This is my first forum post. And as you know I find it difficult to express my feeling. So I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.....
Just in brief, I have recently ended a relationship of 12 years. It was very hard and to be honest I haven't been happy in our relationship for a long time. I have been keeping the relationship going in a selfish way so I can keep onto my only asset in life (the house). Deep down though it was a mutual decision and the bottom line is the dreaded addiction was the main cause of the break up. I am very strapped for cash and being both relatively still young I was holding her back in life which made me feel really bad. I think she changed deliberately over the years to make me end the relationship rather than her. I think she would of felt bad leaving me in the situation I have found myself in. Part of my reasons though is to re find myself, I was such a happy lad but the addiction has scared me.
Anyway the main point of this post is…...
To say a massive thank you to everyone in the group chat. You have been so kind and have helped me loads during this difficult time in my life. I am so scared that I'm going to have a relapse due to my current situation. I do feel bad for being so negative in the chatroom. I have been a compulsive gambler for 10 years and when ever I'm struggling in life I revert back to the dreaded Illness. I overthink everything in life and the only way to switch off is to revert back to my old habits. So speaking to all you lovely people has made me stay so focussed and even more determined to make it 2 years gamble free. If I do make the expected money on the house I will hope to pay a good portion off my DMP. Leaving me 3 years to pay off my off the remainder of my debt. My credit file has been marked for 5 years due to the DMP so if I pay that off in the next 3 years this will mean I will have the further 2 years to building up my credit rating. I will also plan to give my parents a lump sum to keep safe so I can make a future deposit on the house and hopefully I will be a proud home owner in the next 5 years :):) That is my long term goal to achieve. I would like to end my first very confusing post to thanking you all again, Stepchange (Who are just incredible) and Monzo for letting me block all gambling transactions.
Take Care Everyone & thanks for taking the time to read x
Hi The Yellow,
I can't predict your future but can assure your life will only get better away from gambling. My past is well documented over 40 years of addiction. Aged 64 i'm probably enjoying the happiest time of my life away from the clutches of this wretched addiction. Keep doing what you're doing & never lose hope.
Best Wishes
AL
Hi Yellows,
It is great to see you posting! It is also great that you have a long term goal and a very achievable one. As you say, you have youth on your side.
The chatroom is a safe place to share the most difficult things in our day to day lives without judgement. Please do not think that you are negative in the chatroom, you are absolutely not. You are supportive, encouraging and remember little details about people and that is just lovely. It is a pleasure to have you with us ?
Yell,
Welcome to the forum.
I wish you the best in your new journey. Stay focused on your long term goals by overcoming any short term obstacles. Everything in life worth doing can be hard at the beginning but hard work and resilience is the key to progressively getting closer to the goals you have mentioned.
I wish you well.
RR
Thank you all for your comments & support
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