Lets try again

Hi Mary, thanks it has been harder than usual for me this time. 1 week is the first milestone, then ill look at a month. I understand the no pleasure in the gambling and just doing it through agitation, at very least half of my last enormous relapse was just chasing and anxiety driven, couldnt even tell you what i was betting aside from it was roulette and alot of running backwards and forwards to the counter with my bank card that never made it back into my wallet once the whole time, it was just there ready in the pocket. Im the same equating what the money could have gone on. Its gone now though and its not coming back. My urges arent for the thrill of gambling its just to return me to the place i was at. Gambling is meant to be for entertainment, but i dont think i have been entertained by it in years. I have never won and thought how entertaining it was, its just a thrill and a serious of highs and punishing lows. I know what you mean also by gambling for the sake of it, i have many times been into town on multiple occassions during a month and seriously think well going to town so ill put a bet on first or play the machine for a bit then go do whatever i actually went into town for....thats the addiction saying its ok.Take care.

Really tough day so far, can really feel the guilt and regret. I usually get over these quickly or at least feel better but I'm finding it really hard to reset. This could be a good thing. Vulnerable, scared, tired, hopeless, struggling to smile, these are all the wonderful things gambling has brought me. Will stay strong, it's not about how you fall it's how you get back up and recover.

Well made it through the day again. Was very difficult trying to put a brave face on it all. Stressful indeed. Tomorrow will be seven days since my latest self destruct, and the feelings are very painful still. My mind has gone to gambling a few times, especially when remorse takes over and i wish i was in the place i was last week before the meltdown. Thats exactly what it was. What possessed me to take on chance like that and try my luck against lets be honest a computer, a computer that is designed to make money. Its obviously something else im going to have to work on, gambling like this is a symptom of something else. I thought i was over it all and my bad luck had ended, i dropped my guard. I am going to have to take this lesson into my future and beat this by always being alert. Its not how you fall.

Hey relapse, those computers want b,owing up, lol, it's strange how we keep ploughing money in and in again and yet we know deep down, we are not going to get that big win, and if we did, we would not even feel slightly lifted, because it's just more tokens to put back in and carry on, I even though a year on, remember my last couple of months very well, was self destructing, because I did not want to break away, utter utter madness.

Those feelings of guilt being scared etc, will make you stronger, it's part of the course, but you are doing just fine,

Just think one day at a time, it's not too baffling then lol,

Well done on getting through the first most difficult week.

Keep strong and keep winning.

Suzanne xxx

Hi all

I've finally admitted to myself that i need help with my gambling this is my first time on here and my first time admitting i have a problem and need help urgently. I curreny feel gut wrenching sickness constantly. I cant believe I have got into the trap of gambling. I feel so stupid, selfish and pathetic! I feel so low about everything. I cant believe I have spent so much money and for what. Who knew stress was so expensive! Just wish i could turn back the clock. I want to go to sleep and wake up in 6 months time and this nightmare to be behind me

Hi Suzanne, I think it's very good that you are remembering the final few months it will always help to bring strength to not fall into it again. A week ago today I lost alot of money, but what I lost which is worse is a degree of happiness, my confidence and security. Now difficult times are made twice as hard. Fineedshelp all of the emotions you are feeling there are many of us who understand your feelings completely, I'm in so much shame and pain over what I've done. Completely hate myself, I too wish it was 6 months time.

So it's been over a week and I still am waking up with the gut wrenching feeling. Can imagine that's going to last a while unfortunately. I'm gutted. This has to be the last time I go through this.

Big urges creeping in today, urges to win money back so I don't feel so low anymore. The urge is simply to win back my confidence as I currently feel like I can't take another long road of recovery. I'm looking for that quick fix but I know it's all an illusion.... day 8 and I miss my old self.....why couldn't I have just been addicted to hobbies or computer games... Anything but gambling it's horrendous. My 20's has been lost to it I'm determined my 30's will not suffer the same fate

Hi Nt, I know it's what got me here to start with. I'm gonna just do my best to stay strong.

Another day another fight with the guilt and regret. Really struggling this time to put my losses behind me and reset. Its an odd mindset to have i suppose but i think im almost feeling like i dont want to feel better as i dont want to have the mood swing to feeling good again as the fall to back down is the painful part. Twisted logic i know. So what next, how do i overcome this. Currently its a day at a time, i think when you're this vunerable thats all i can do. When i feel a bit stronger and confident i can start making further plans ahead but for now its take it as it comes. I have made a list of my positives and negatives right now. of course the negatives far outweigh the positives but i think that will be my aim to get that positive list into the lead.

11 days since meltdown, feeling a bit stronger and a little more positive. Still cant believe what i did losing so much money in a single day. Doing my best to not think about money at the moment, its what gets me into these positions in the first place. Going to be some rough weeks ahead but i think one day at a time is all i can do right now and is for the best. Gambling is a curse and i hope for the sake of many others that the machines in the betting shops are reduced or banned soon. I have seen others like myself losing everything into them forgetting who they are and for all kinds of reasons getting hooked into these machines. How they can see this happen time and time again and just allow it to continue is just madness and profit driven. Its a very sad state of affairs that this is allowed in this country. I will put every bit of effort i have now to stopping myself from falling back into these again. Online gambling simply scares me to death as i know if i ever went near it i could lose everything and MORE, for this reason i have never felt the need to go near it. I think the escape out the house to the bookies was another factor as many people may feel.

Hi NT, oh i agree the numbers are not likley to fall and i too agree that concentrating on our own recovery is key. This website just has shown to me the extent because i imagine that the numbers on here are only a sample percentage of the problem out there. Still onwards and upwards.

Day 13 and I'm still struggling to pick myself up after this loss, it's effected all my confidence. It's a long road ahead but day at a time is all I can do. Why did I do it is still a big question in my mind. That chasing zone is scary and I never want to go back there...ever again. Hope everyone can stay strong.

Well done on 13 days

The chasing is very scary, we even chase when we have won, simply because when in the zone of gambling we cannot stop,

Keep strong and keep going

Suzanne xxx

It's very scary when you look back on the chasing, it's scary to think what was I doing I was out of control. Money clearly has a control over me that can effect my feelings and mood. That needs to change. Thanks staying strong through today.