Life begins again

Good morning diary.

464 today

Was just about to post yesterday when sons partner (down south) rung very distraught and upset, telling me he has been gambling

at weekends since I last saw him 5 weeks ago in Skeggie.

I knew, because he has not answered my calls, not one, the only connection I have had is him thanking me me in public on Facebook, for letting them stay with their doggie at this caravan and how much he enjoyed it.

He does not think he has a problem, because he earns good money, and he does pay some bills, he works hard so he thinks he deserves to have a bet, but I know different, as long as he is earning money this will progress.

I know he has personal problems, I know how he works, I know what can happen to his world, and there is nothing that I can say or do to make him see sense. I miss him not getting in touch, and communicating,

Then to finish my day off nicely, my granddaughter from Portsmouth rang me to say they could not come to Skeggie with us for a week, I haven't seen my girls for a long time, I felt gutted to say the least, and I know the reason for that, their mum does not want them to see their dad, (my son that lives up here) what a bloody mess we find ourselves in at times, and of course this addiction jumps straight on to my sinking ship, pushing in thoughts of escape and I deserved a little play, thank goodness I have no money in my account, that addiction can WANT but it ain't gonna get, I know these thoughts don't last long, in fact it was a quick 2 minute thought, that I dismissed with anger.

Reading through the diaries this morning, there must have been something in the air yesterday.

This morning I have accepted that I won't be taking my girls on holiday, and I already knew about son, because he shuts me out, but I am already thinking of a new plan to see the girls, but my recovery must come first, without doing that I am no good to anyone

This is an ongoing roller coaster journey, and very much one day at a time, because every time something hits, that addiction, is waiting patiently, I am not patient so it's not too hard to dismiss it quickly with my impatience so that at least is HDs for me.

As I shoot off to work shortly, I say again BRING IT ON this lady is not for turning lol.

Choice there, for today, NO to GAMBLING and a big fat yes to MY RECOVERY .

Wishing everyone a strong, positive and safe gambling free day.

Suzanne xx

Hi Suzanne,

Sorry to read that you had a bit of a rubbish day yesterday but great to read how well you are doing with your recovery. 🙂 I hope that today proves to be a much better day. 🙂

Take care.

Dave X

Powerful as always. I know you will keep fighting. Go on!!!!!

Sending you best wishes x

Hi Suzanne
Hope today is better for you, take care my friend
Cheryl xxx

Morning Suzanne.
Stay strong on 464 days! Big hugs from South Wales.
Steve xxx

WOW! Such a horrible, horrible day and you didn't turn to gambling - a big well done from me!

Paul

Hi Suzanne, just to let u know i have not fallen off the rails (its impossible for me to gamble - all barriers in place) - just had no internet access at work for 48 hours and have issues with my parents , no time to post, defo no time to gamble. Thanks for your concern, be back tomorrow , x Paul

Ha ha possibley Suzanne.
Thanks for the hug. It can be tough sometimes banging your head against a brick wall dealing with addicts. No one from here (although i found one post today added to my frustration) just people who ask for your help & then completley disregard it when you have sacrificed your time to help them. Perhaps i just got out of the wrong side of the bed today. It usually doesnt faze me at all as i know how addicts behave from bitter personal experience. Tomorrow will bring another day & no doubt a less grumpy me!
Thanks

Dan x

Hi Suzanne

Keep racking those gamble free days up.

Paul

Thanks for your messages xx

Good morning diary,

465 today.

Last day at work for the week, HD

Folks viewing the house has come to a stand still lol, but my recovery hasn't, keeping strong and positive, and it's only 9 days till next holiday, HDs indeed.

Wishing everyone a strong, positive and calm gambling free day.

Suzanne xx

Morning Suzanne.
Four hundred and sixty 5 days lol.
Awesome.
Have a great Thursday.
Luv Steve xxx

Enjoy your last day. Well done on 465.

Best wishes x

Hi Suzanne,

Now that I've been reading through other people's diaries I've realised that the normal form is to reply to posts on the other person's thread rather than my own. Oops! Rookie mistake....I don't like getting things wrong, so although I have thanked you for your support and comments over on my own posts, I am now here to say a big thanks. Your advice and comments have really helped and I appreciate them.

You seem to be doing amazingly well. I'm looking forward to working my way through your diary. Keep up the good work.

Life Begins x

Thanks for encouraging words Suzanne.

Paul

Good morning diary,

466 today, LM here already, so a very busy day ahead, out and about in the sunshine.

Wishing everyone a strong, positive and happy gambling free day.

Suzanne xx