Life With Sports Bets Only

Captain,

I certainly respect the fact that every individual is different - and can approach their recovery in their own way. Far be it from me (or anyone else to dictate what is and is not acceptable).

What I will say is that I will never be the type of gambler you endeavour to be. Like you, there are many forms of gambling that I do not do compulsively in isolation. I'll happily bet on football, play poker with friends etc - and be able to manage myself to do it within reason. But the reality is - this will always act as a catalyst to my other (very) destructive behaviours. I have been beaten up and hurt too many times by gambling to ever let it back into my life - in any form. I agree with you - my life feels a little emptier/more boring without it, and I do not find complete happiness and satisfaction when abstaining. But the alternative is just too unbearable.

Lots of people preach - YOU MUST STOP GAMBLING COMPLETELY - clearly this is not the path you have chosen to take. There is a risk, I guess, that by circulating your thoughts on here, others will become complacent and wonder if yours is a viable recovery path. For me, it never will be.

Anyway, good luck - and keep posting mate. I always find your entries really interesting.

D123

Just noticed that it is the Aintree meeting starting today with the Grand National on Saturday. In years gone by my excitement level for Cheltenham and Aintree was at a monumental level and I always took time off work for both and attended Aintree for many successive years.

Shows an aspect of of my progress which is going very well that I only realised about the meeting today and that my interest in these events and Horse Racing in general is now absolutely nil. Could not have foreseen that a few years back.

2 weeks without any random gambling, had some urges yesterday but didnt act, hopefully I can keep this going....dealing with boredom and regret are challenging.

Cracked at lunchtime today and had a couple of random bets...guess it was coming, 2 weeks is a long time for me.

Get back on track Captain. Random bets are not what you should be having.

Michael

Captain,

Sorry to hear you've slipped and done some 'random' betting this lunch time. Michael's right - you and me both know this isn't the type of thing you want to be doing is it?

Perhaps I'm wrong, but I got the impression from your diary there was some 'inevitably' about this. You've been patting yourself on the back (as you should) for abstaining from this for the past fortnight, but I sensed you felt like you were going to *** all along. I know that personally speaking, I've gone through periods of abstinence, then almost thought to myself - 'well I've done really well here; I deserve a treat'... then before you know it you've let the monster back in.

Things are slightly different for you - as you're only trying to cut out certain types of gambling. As I've explained to you - that tactic just can't and won't work for me any more. But what this means for you is that the lines are somewhat more blurred - the barriers of what's acceptable and what isn't aren't entirely clear, and you find yourself in a situation like you are now.

Anyway, can you learn from it?

Think about exactly why you did it. What specifically were you thinking / doing when you decided to gamble. And how good was it when you actually did it? And how do you feel now. If that all sounds a bit pointless - I apologise. It's just that most of us CGs have this fantasy of what gambling is actually like. And in reality it always fall short. We've abused it so much we can never enjoy it like we used to anyway - because it's so intrinsically linked to anxiety, stress, sadness and despair.

Anyway, well done for getting straight back on here to talk about it. It sounds like it's important for you to break the habit. You did it for 2 weeks; you can do it again (and longer).

Good luck

D123

Copy of my response to D123 on his diary on mine for reference:

You asked about my feelings and what I could learn from today - I was pleased to have done the 2 weeks 'random free' - I know random gambling is ultimately my downfall. But at the same time after placing the 2 bets today I felt relieved and 'alive' again and back to the real me - no surprise as I have been in random action to different extents for over 20 years.

No doubt the random cant continue, but I also dont want to live my life feeling flat and lifeless. This is always how I am when I abstain for periods. And although I do think about all the money I've lost, the debts I have and my regrets, my recovery has long since reached a stage where those thoughts are not dominant. I'm simply just someone with very limited interests and who doesnt find it easy to make do with the simple everyday things without the drug of gambling to feed me and allow me to function.

Today's action was wrong if it leads to another extreme collapse which history indicates will happen, but in the moment and even now a few hours later it feels fine and it was inevitable it was just a matter of when it would happen.

Fair enough Captain; like I say, I'm not here to judge anyone in their recovery.

Having said this... a couple of points I'd like to make:

a) 'No doubt random can't continue'. My personal experience is that once you let something back in - a blow-up is inevitable. Whether that takes a day, a week, a month - whatever, you might carry on doing 'random' gambling until it properly hurts you again. Therefore, is that temporary feeling of being relieved and 'alive' actually worth it?

b) 'I'm simply someone with very limited interests and who doesnt find it easy to make do with the simple everyday things without the drug of gambling to feed me and allow me to function.'

That's the kind of thing I think to myself. I think 'well, nothing else gives me the buzz that gambling does - so my life will be boring otherwise. As I've said before, sometimes I just have to be adult and say - you know what, that's the reality, and I need to man up and deal with it. Another part of my says...that is incredibly defeatist. You may think you have limited interests / and that there is nothing else out there, but the world is a massive, diverse place - full of new opportunities and experiences. Lethargy / boredom and procrastination lead me to think I cannot be stimulated in any other ways, but I'm starting to learn that life owes me nothing. I get nothing sat on my backside waiting for life to give me something. If I think that nothing stimulates me, maybe I need to get out there and try 5 things I've never tried before... Maybe I need to try 10 things, or 100 things. Even then, I might not find something I like, but the adult will at least go looking for them.

Sorry if this all seems a bit over-the-top, but I know it can be easy to feel defeated & depressed - and to think gambling is the only viable option. But sometimes it's just the easy way out.

D123

Hi captain I just want to say the small highs that you get from gambling are just false it's like drink or any other addiction, for me gambling took me out of the real world because I couldn't be happy as part of it,after just 53 days of not gambling I'm realising that the things I didn't do because they were boring are not boring at all I've just changed my outlook to life, I think it all depends on what you want?? I don't want a life filled with wasting my money and not spending time with family and people I love,and me not being me as when I gamble I'm not the same person, but as all individual cases are different who knows who's right but with me I can't gamble again.

The bear.

No random bet today or any other day I hope. Yesterday was an inevitable slip, but I plan to make it only a slip and not a journey back into the depths of despair.

Random is the past, the future will be better without random. What is the point of betting on things which have pre-determined results or based on just a minutes look at the form, no wonder no-one can succeed gambling in this this way. And when you have fixed amounts you bet in and you dont win you end up chasing losses and losing even more following the same stupid strategy. All just to feel alive and be able to function...must find a way of functioning without this nonsense.

Just not getting the entries people are making on here saying life is so much better without gambling. Wondering if thats just a technique they are using to convince themselves each day and that really there are aspects of gambling that they are missing like hell. Totally understand why they want to stop and not go back gambling so they can pay debts, not lose all their money and feel more calm about life, but on the basis that gambling fills a void that is missing in one's life, if they find things in life now which fill the void, why could they not have filled them before? Nothing wrong with admitting that life is missing something but that they are taking a practical route.

I have no problem with your train of thought Captain. I just find I get frustrated if I try to stick to certain bets and before long I am all over the place thus leading to total chaos. If you can bet on certain stuff and stick to it lucky you. Gambling has caused me no end of trouble with absolutely nothing good except relief from minor short-term worries which end up worse because of gambling losing money or becoming frustrated.

Michael

Hi captain,

Interesting last post from you, I know that one recovery doesn't fit all its bespoke and we have to find what works for us, but for me having controlled bets is impossible because the simple fact is when I gamble I am not in control, I can't stop ?

I can kid myself i will have control I have told myself that lie hundreds and hundreds of times and it fails every time, therefore I can not place not one single bet, Why would I want to prolong the agony of gambling by kidding myself I can control it, I would still be in denial and I was there for nearly 20 years so I am not going back.

Taking it one day at a time is not pressure, it's easy , I can do anything for 24 hours , the gambling madness will still be there tomorrow it's just today I make the right healthy choice for me. Tomorrow I get to to decide again !

My life is not empty without gambling, I gambled to hide from how I was feeling now I try and deal with how I am feeling rather than hide behind a 17" inch monitor.

My life is not empty without gambling because I appreciate the things I could of so easily lost through gambling, my sanity, my health, my family, my job, my life.

I used to think I got a buzz out of gambling then I realised that was just my addictive part of my brain saying don't stop, there is no life without gambling, which for me is utter rubbish.

My life isn't perfect, I am not perfect but I know now that gambling never was and never will be the answer.

I wish you well with your recovery.

Take care

Blondie

Hi captain

Remember me ?

We have had our differences in the past but I still wish you well on your chosen but in my opinion misguided path.

You know I believe total abstinence is the only way to beat this addiction, the further away from my last bet I get the more I believe it's the only way to go..

How has my life improved since I stopped gambling?

I am happy again.

I have money to spend on what I want again.

I spend time with my family instead of wasting it down the bookies.

I go on holidays.

I have a nice car.

I enjoy my job again.

I could go on and on.

When I was a gambler I hated myself for lying, cheating and all the other traits that gambling brings out in us. These days I like myself again.

I don't miss the excitement of gambling one single bit , I haven't replaced it with another excitement, I have just replaced it with life.

I live life to the full, I take care of my wife and kids and granddaughter now.

I helped my daughter get her own place now I wasn't wasting my life and money in the bookies..

I really do wish you all the best captain and hope that you find a way to live your life fully without gambling.

It is worth the effort.

Jim (last bet 22/04/06)