Life With Sports Bets Only

Captain.

I read with interest your recent posts and feel i would like to add my input based purely on my own experiences. In no way do i judge you fella, everyone has to find there own recovery route.

Myself for twenty years of my life gambling had a hold of my judgements. The outcome of my gambling would facilitate what i did with my life. And progressive in its nature i did less with my life as time at it progressed. The stakes got raised the time dedicated to gambling grew. The "buzz" long gone, winnings temporary loans from the bookie, as they were soon punted and more chasing those losses.

Eventually life became a constant battle of deceit and lies, it took me to one day from losing my house and the family in it.

That day gambling beat me for the last time. It won, i admit defeat.

Through total abstinence my life improved in the short term financially i gained a 100% payrise, my life gained a massive amount of time and me i gained my self respect.

Today i am 14 months with total abstinence.

My life betters every day. I have a job whilst gambling i could have only dreamed of, my wife is safe in the knowledge there is money in the bank, my kids don't tread on egg shells anymore, i adopted two whippets, i am looking after my health and can wake up every morning after sleep, look myself in the mirror and like what i see. I no longer fear the postman, the phone ringing and have friends who don't hide when they see me coming.

Whilst i gambled for all those years from that first £3.60 fruit machine which paid in tokens to my last spin on an fobt i followed the same mantra. I cannot win because i cannot stop.

Would i like a bet today, my addiction would, every day it tries to tempt me back to reek more havoc.

Would i take a chance???? As chance is what gambling is, the odds for me fella will never be worth what i could lose.

I too wish you well in your recovery path, it brings you happiness, me i will stick to mine, as with total honesty i just for today enjoy mine.

Duncan mcquilken compulsive gambler no bet since 23/01/2012

Stepping forward never back.

Gull/Duncan

Thanks for your posts.

Gull - Yes we had our differences but thats life, we had/have some different views. However I really appreciate your post and value your opinion, you have done incredibly well to abstain for 7 years and still be posting on here helping others.

In response to your points on how your life has improved to compare my own experience both now and in periods of abstinence:

I am happy again. - Me - I wouldnt say I am unhappy, as such, I just want to remove random gambling from my life and improve my finances.

I have money to spend on what I want again. - Me - Yes that would be of benefit after a while but initially for a while money saved would go to reduce and eliminate debts.

I spend time with my family instead of wasting it down the bookies. - Me - no impact - time spent random gambling is at lunchtime and directly after work

I go on holidays. Me - admit I have had time in previous years where holidays have been impacted but not now

I have a nice car. Me - I already have a nice car, although there are definitely many improvements in my house which would have happened had I not random gambled for years.

I enjoy my job again. Me - my job is fine and although there was some impact on my job years ago it was minimal, by and large gambling hasnt affected my work ethic or job enjoyment or prospects, other than the period I had out of work where I tried to be a pro gambler.

Summary - As I've said in other posts I envy those like you Gull who can decide one day to quit all gambling. stick to it and subsequently enjoy a better life. I really do wish I could see benefits that are not only financial. I have eliminated negatives in my life in terms of time spent gambling, gambling on many things I shouldnt have and spending too much time watching sport only because I had a bet on it and gambling on events in progress during working hours which facilitated journeys to the bookmakers during worktime. Maybe you are just more fortunate than me in terms of having a wider interest of topics, different family set-up etc. but for me I'm just trying to improve the financial side to remove debts and be able to buy and replace household items. I have loads of free time at the moment which I spend doing things which are not gambling related but they are not things which give me a great deal of satisfaction or pleasure and I end up using random gambling to give me something to escape from the person in me who has a nice car, good job, isnt unhappy but has very limited interests and needs a drug to keep me functioning.

Duncan - much of above reply to Gull is also applicable to your post. Like you I have had over 20 years of gambling being a big factor in my life but as I say above, the time involved in it has reduced significantly, its control over my life in general very little now. My friends and family see a different guy now, they see a big difference in me, the only bit remaining is complete removal of involvement in random gambling as the only impact on my life now is financial in not reducing debts and replacing goods which are old quickly enough.

Been on this forum over 3 years and what becomes more and more apparent is that the most successful people are those who have really hit rock bottom so hard and say to themselves 'this is it - no more gambling' and stick to it. They are so focused on their aim to never gamble again that they don't need any blocks - don't need self exclusion, someone to look after their money, online blocking software etc etc.

These sort of things are not blocks to prevent gambling, they are ways to train the brain to think that it can live without gambling, without carrying money and are steps to get to the day of reckoning when you tell yourself this is it - no more.

So why does it take some people very little time to get to that day, usually after a disastrous loss or life event, whilst others like myself try blocks, methods, thought processes but never seem to get to 'the day'?

Hi Captain

That first paragraph of yours explains me off to a t and im sure many others.What i will add to it is that although i am still fully focussed on not gambling (hence im still here)it has gotten a lot easier and although for the first few months i concentrated on nothing else,these days it doesnt run my life.

I really hope it works out for you kid you have been a great friend to me during the last 3-4 years.All the best Jeff.

Captain,

Just been looking through some diaries and noted we'd not heard from you in a while mate. Hope all is OK?

Always find your posts very interesting.

D123

Thanks for the wake up call D123. Was doing fine for a spell, now in a mess again.

Will post more when I feel better.

I have no right to ask for help from this Forum or from any other medium for that matter. A combination of counselling, time on this Forum, reading relevant material and taking independent advice has given me all the help, guidance and pointers.

The trouble is I cant follow the advice.

I am in a complete mess at the moment having been fine for a while. I know everything I should do to get better and stay better but I can only do it for a certain time.

Life doesnt go smoothly for anyone all the time and I jsut cant deal with unforeseen changes and decisions I have to take. I end up taking wrong decisions which cannot be reversed. Its like I have an inbuilt self-destruct button. And thats in a general sense re decisions and implications of them.

This is a pattern which was has been prevalent during many of my out of control gambling episodes.

When I cant deal with the decision making process and then with the implications afterwards I get over-involved in gambling. Just like someone smoking more, drinking more, eating more, taking more drugs etc......but just a different result - over indulging in the others would I guess have a more short-term impact, instead of with gambling leaving yet another financial hole to fill which will take a long period of discipline, regret, anxiety and effort and will once again have a considerable impact on my well-being, self-worth, work ethic and an effect on those I love the most.

I have been going through this stupid pattern of behaviour for 25 years or so. I identified a problem in February 2009. I have made progress but I desparately need to take on board the advice I've been given, identify how to deal better with what life throws at me and get better FOR GOOD.

Captain.

Fella your post relates to so many of us, there is a huge amount of us who swap one compulsive behavior for another.

I felt for a time that i was on a recovery roundabout, abstaining whilst going round and around without dealing with my behaviors which fed my compulsive behavior.

Through this site i found some great info from Ian B.

Check out CBT therapy, it helped me a great deal, i have now tailored the Ga twelve step program to my understanding and through the both feel today i can understand my failings and shortcomings better and am working to change and re train my thinking.

The feeling that i want things done yesterday means i can look forward.

Fella great post. I hope to help.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Took myself away for a few days over the holiday weekend to a place where gambling wasnt possible.

Thanks for the post Dunc, hope you can help. I have looked up CBT therapy and am considering doing some of that.

6 days gambling free, see what today brings.

Hey Captain,

Good to see you posting again, although sorry to hear you're going through a rough patch. I can certainly relate to the desperation and disillusionment you're obviously feeling. You mention that people often fall into other vices (drugs, smoking, eating - whatever), certainly I am guilty of all of the above. The difference with gambling, as you rightly point out, is that the long-lasting damage it brings can be utterly crippling. I can binge eat for a week, and 'recover' from it the next. I can smoke too many tabs one week, then quickly resolve to cut down the next. But with gambling... I can blow enough cash in 10 minutes to leave me reeling for the next 12 months.

Duncs is right to suggest CBT. I've done a course of this through the NHS which has been useful. It will not eradicate any of the underlying issues / problems in your life - indeed they are not there to do the job of a counsellor/therapist. However, it does offer a very logical, scientific approach to the act of gambling, empowering you not to succumb whenever you face an urge or difficulty.

Keep fighting mate.

Supporting you all the way

D123

Thanks for the post D123. I am considering doing CBT through a therapist. I'd go private as I'm a bit scared of having that sort of thing on my medical record as I change jobs frequently.

I sense and feel a new level of determination to succeed and a new level of optimism at the moment. I really hope this is the time I sort myself out totally.

No problem Captain.

re.your post on my diary... no change of identity from me(!)

I did alter my name from 'Desperate 123' to 'D123' a couple of months back; maybe that's where the confusion is?

Anyway, good luck mate

Really need to try and do it for real this time. Cant help thinking about how much I earn for doing my job in a 37 hour week. I could have earned more by gambling if I could just have stayed focused and disciplined all the time.

Gambling responsibly and therefore winning and spending my other time doing more things beneficial to my health would definitely be better all round.

Work is a combination of stress and boredom and those are the main gambling triggers for me. Gambling when planned in advance has always been fine. Gambling due to stress or boredom is not, always ends up taking more of my time than planned and I end up out of control.

Captain

Fella gambling for me always leads to my brain formulating pipe dreams of how to obtain something for nothing, and in the end the cycle begins, only with stakes raised and less rational.

I cannot win because i cannot stop.

My gambling life mantra.

With irony I hated the feeling of being a loser in my mind, so chased and lost.

Without gambling in my life I have without doubt become a winner, oppurtunities seem to come thick and fast professionally and personally and would of risk it all for a chance, as what gambling is CHANCE.

I dont need it in my life, in can make better judgements without it.

I do beleive recovery is bespoke, you have to find what suits you, first and most fitting tailored suit I owned!!!

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thanks for post Dunc, have replied on your diary but posting here on mine also;

Whilst I agree that many aspects of gambling are chance, I think that in the same way as any subject where one has knowledge, if you put your knowledge to good use there can be benefits.

If one is gambling on gambling types which are purely random and involve no human element, then inevitably one will lose.

If however one is gambling on events where in most cases humans are making every effort to be successful, and the gambler can restrict to those events which he or she has very good knowledge of and be disciplined and in control, then the gambling pattern can be one of enjoyment and a hobby and whilst may not end up in profit, will not end up in severe loss, never mind the stress, anxiety and extreme debt levels which are a result of gambling on random games of chance.

I fully agree that abstinence is the answer but abstinence from the areas which cause a problem can surely be divorced from abstinence from those which do not.