Living Again!

Thanks for the message Suzanne. Its day 185 and I have just been on a really long walk to clear my head. Its scorching hot here and todays the first day my hayfever has really kicked in, so my eyes are incredibly itchy and sore.

I'm now chilling out with the football on. I was really enjoying the World Cup until last night. In future it would be best England gave them a miss as they just ruin each and every one. Until the premier league has a restriction on foreign players England will continue to struggle. Its just so sad that they didn't have one player who was willing to roll his sleeves up and get stuck in. Suarez was injured and not one of our players got physical with him in the way someone like Paul Ince or David Batty would have done. Maybe a few hard challenges would have knocked him off his stride! So now the question is who do I support for the rest of it? I would love an underdog to win it so come on Chile!

Gambling wise I am feeling good, I don't miss it and I am not currently feeling tempted at all. Just have to continue taking it a day at a time.

No bets for me today!!!

Hi Phil - Very sorry to read of your uncle's passing, but remembering the happy memories is a good way of coping.

I agree with you about England and the World Cup - it would have saved a lot of time, money and angst if they hadn't even qualified. I facetiously suggested to my husband that perhaps putting in one of the best Premier teams instead of a national side would be a good idea, but he patiently explained to me that it's the foreign players in the Premiership that makes them good.....

:o( Well at least now we can enjoy the football for its own sake, and I'm quite pleased for Costa Rica.

Have a good weekend and week, despite the funeral - keep strong.

Joanna

Hi Phil,

Sorry for the loss..

Glad to see you are still going incredibly strong amazing how you cope with such easy triggers i might have surrendered a long time ago but when i read your posts it just makes me feel weak that other inspirational people can do it.. so why can't I ???

Hope to read the 200 day post, looking forward to it.

CL

Thanks for the kind words Joanna and Casino. I think as my journey goes on I am learning that these so called triggers are just excuses. The amount of times in the past that I have used an argument with my ex or a sad time in my life as a trigger to gamble again and all along I was kidding myself. It only ends one way, more pain, more hurt, more money lost and more debt. If something bad happens to me the first thing I think is I will not gamble, I will not make the bad situation even worse!

Anyway just a quick post today, just got in from work and am about to watch the Nigeria V Bosnia game. I thought Bosnia were so brave against Argentina and enjoyed their spirit and fight. So I am supporting Bosnia in this one.

No bets for me today and none tomorrow!

Another late post for me today, just finished work and am now looking forward to the Portugal V USA match. Come on USA!!!!!

Been a good day for me, work went pretty quickly and I have a few days booked off over the next two weeks. Tomorrow is going to be sad, but I will stay strong! My uncle would have never thought I could beat my gambling, so I need to keep the days adding up to show it can be done! He would be shocked and pleased by my progress.

No bets for me today!!!!

Well done Phil. Hope tomorrow is not too difficult. What an incentive though, to honour your uncle's memory by keeping focused and strong.

Best wishes.

Joanna

Thanks Joanna, I want to honour his memory in one way that came to mind earlier. When I was deep in a battle with gambling he used to tell me that he would only believe I had stopped if I saved a thousand pounds. That was years ago when I was staying with him and any money I had would go straight into the nearest bookies. So my target is to save that thousand pounds. Its going to take me a long time with all my debts, I'm paying out 1 thousand a month at the moment! But as long as I keep my barriers up and keep using this site and the 2014 challenge I will get there. I don't ever want to gamble again and once I am debt free and have savings I will feel so much better.

I've been spoilt for choice today with all the sport on tv. I got home after the funeral and had Wimbledon, the test match and the World Cup to choose from. Nice to see a couple of Brits won at Wimbledon today. I am hoping to get there on Saturday (fingers crossed!).

No bets for me today!!!

Oh Phil, you are going to feel so good when you reach that thousand pound target! What a lovely way to remember your uncle..

Hope you get to Wimbledon, but prepare for rain - it's a bit thundery in S. London this week!

Joanna

Day 190 and fortunately I have the next two days off work. I was really busy in work last night and didn't get the chance to check my phone, so I was shocked to get home and learn of another bite by Luis Suarez. He has done Roy Hodgson a huge favour, which is a shame as I think Roy needs to be sacked. We didn't expect much from England, but to not even win a game and perform so badly was embarrassing. Despite England and Suarez, this has been a superb World Cup, hopefully there will be more exciting games to come.

This has been a really tight month, I get paid on Friday and it can't come soon enough. I don't even have any money to get a few beers for my two days off. I'm used to being skint as that's how I have lived for years, but since I stopped gambling I have usually been ok for money. However finding a load more debt and dealing with it has left me skint. Now that its all in the open and getting dealt with I am relieved and am making good progress again. That day when I am debt free is going to feel so good!

So a day of tennis ahead, cheering on the remaining Brits. I think Andy Murray can win it again this year. Then the World Cup tonight, so it should be a good day. I have no gambling thoughts or urges and feel stronger than ever.

No bets for me today!!!

Hi Phil - Hope you have a good couple of days off. Enjoy the sport - do you think you will be able to get to Wimbledon? re. Suarez, he has a real problem there which needs professional attention, but as someone said on TV this morning it puts Liverpool in a quandary - he has made so much money for the club - what do they do about him? Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth..... ouch!

Take care,

Joanna

Thanks for the message Joanna. Ticketmaster sell a small number of centre court tickets at 9am each morning for the following day. I successfully got them this way a few years ago (although back then a lot of people didn't know of the sale and it was at 9pm). So Friday morning I will be clicking away, hoping I get some luck. If I get them I am going with a Polish lad from work. He is going to bring his Polish flag so if we do get lucky, look out for the flag and you may see me!

As for Suarez and Liverpool, I think Liverpool have lost all their moral standing regarding him. Most employers would sack a racist in this day and age, instead they backed him, then they backed him when he bit someone, so I expect them to back him again. It seems most of the fans are pleased he did it as it makes a transfer to Barcelona or Madrid less likely. I don't think Bill Shankly or Bob Paisley would have wanted someone like Suarez associated with their club.

I don't know if this is just a personal problem or one that a lot of us gamblers have, but I shut my problems away and think they will go away. Due to this the debts mounted and I always thought I was one big win away from sorting my life out. Now all my debts are out in the open and I'm paying a thousand a month until they are gone. I thought this would clear them all by December. But I was kind of using this as a rough guide and I have again been shutting things away and not wanting to think about it. Last night I sat down with my mum and went through all my finances and I won't be debt free till June 2015! Money is going to be tight until then, but I have to look at this as an opportunity to rebuild my life. If I gamble again I have no life and I will ultimately destroy myself and my family. Gambling just isn't an option.

So I woke up today knowing that I have another 13 pay days to go before I am clear of debt. Its a depressing thought, but I am taking it in a positive manner. After all if I was still gambling I would be spending a lot more than a thousand a month on it. Another positive is that after so long as a gambler I am useless at managing my money. But by having to really manage what I have left each month it will teach me some important lessons and money should mean more to me than it used to.

I have been eating and drinking way too much lately, so one way I am going to save money is by eating healthily and not drinking in the house. I did so well losing weight last year and now I have put it back on. But my mind is now in a good place and I intend to stay focused and healthy. I also need to get back into some sort of regular exercise.

I have been guilty of letting life drift by, I have stopped gambling but not made enough progress in other areas. I need to work hard on bettering myself and moving forwards as a person. I am not far off 200 days, if I can achieve that, then anything is possible!

No bets for me today!!!

Sadly this morning I didn't get any luck with the Wimbledon tickets. I have booked the weekend off, so I will have to make alternative plans. On a brighter note its another payday where I am nowhere near a bookies. The old me would be phoning in sick today and blowing a months wages. However when I got a balance today my situation is pretty grim. I am going to have to be so careful with money to make it last. But having a small amount left after paying my debts is better than blowing the lot in a bookies.

Just a quick post as I am running late for work. No bets for me today or this weekend!!!

Hi Phil - Bad luck about the Wimbledon tickets, but you would definitely be dodging the showers if you were in SW19 today! Hope you are able to find something enjoyable (and cheap) to do this weekend anyway...

re. the finances, thirteen months seems a long time, but speaking as an old 'un they will pass incredibly quickly, and at least you have a definite end in sight. I hope you are planning a fantastic treat for yourself next June by way of celebration!

Take care,

Joanna

Life is so difficult, I don't do myself any favours and most of the damage I have self inflicted on myself. I'm trying to sort myself out, but its tough and I fear for the future and how I will cope and what will become of me. My mum told me last night that for the last year she has been ill and she thinks its cancer. She refuses to go to the doctors because she would rather not know and she says its too late anyway and she thinks shes going to die soon. She also won't talk about it and won't tell me what her symptoms are. She has asked me not to pressure her into going to the doctors as she doesn't want to go. I really don't know what to do or how to cope with this. I told her to go to the doctors because she could be worrying for nothing as it could be something else and I want to believe she is worrying for nothing, but the fact I don't know and she won't go and she tells me she thinks she's going to die is hard to take. On top of this her grandchildren (my niece and nephew) are making her life hell and some of the things that go on while I'm in work are just shocking. My poor mum has had a whole load of cr@P to deal with over the years and upset because of me and other family members. If what she thinks is right I couldn't go on. She has had such a bad time and deserves some happiness. I want her to see me beat this and be proud of me. She would be so happy if she believed I had beat it and saw me moving on with life and being a better person.

I am trying not to worry, but its in the back of my mind. I've booked this weekend off work, but I just can't bring myself to get up and do anything. One thing is for sure this will be the biggest barrier ever because I'm not hurting my mum by slipping up again.