Living Again!

Hi Phil

Just read your post and I really feel for you

I have 2 grown up sons and grand kids and I love them all unconditionally as a mother does

Both my sons gamble but not like I did they are thelucky ones (I hope )social betting I used to worry so much before about them

Mothers worry that's what we do

I don't know your personal life

You Don't mention your dad so I suggest you gently coax your mum into going to the DRs with you

You will find strength you did not know you had

once your mum agrees to go keep trying not nagging

And if she sees you in control she will let you in if that makes sense

With you all the way Phil

You can cope with this I know you will

Don't fear for the future today is what we have tomorrow's another day

Make today count

Suzanne xx

Thanks for the support Suzanne, your message was a big help. I slept better last night, but its still there in the back of my head. My mum is behaving as if the conversation didn't happen and I'm wishing it was a dream. I'm going to give it a couple of days and then put some pressure on her to go to the doctors. Yesterday was a really bad day I just stayed in my bedroom all day feeling upset and depressed. I am aiming to get out today. I have been trying to think of signs or things that are different with my mum but apart from her sleeping in longer than normal I can't think of anything.

Right well I need to try and get out and about, no bets for me today!!!

Big Philla,

My mum just sent me in the direction of your diary - she's worried about you mate.......as are the rest of us up here. You know where we are if you want to chat or download and know that you and your mum are in our prayers.

Stay strong big guy and like you say, there's no better motivation for staying clean now.

Take care,

Mr B

Hi Phil - So sad to read about your Mum and how bad you are feeling about the situation.

With all the stresses and strains she has had to endure in the past few years it may well be that she is suffering from a sort of 'secret' depression; therefore she may be interpreting a physical change or sign as something much worse. I agree that it is imperative she sees a doctor and that you are the best person to encourage her to do so - or does she have a female friend who could go with her? Or are there any 'drop-in' health centres near you where perhaps she might not feel so intimidated? Ironically it's the fear of the unknown which is making her feel even worse.

It's a difficult situation I can see, but one thing I am sure of is that you will be her rock. You have already shown that despite feeling so low you can overcome negative feelings and take action.

I hope the coming week is better for you.

Take care,

Joanna

Thanks Joanna and Mr B. Its good to know there are such nice people out there who care. Since I gave up last December and came on here life hasn't been as empty as it was before. I had a heart to heart today with a friend who put me well and truly in my place as I have some quite bizarre thoughts right now. Feel better because I have been out for a long walk on the beach and I am now chilling out watching Glastonbury as Kasabian are one of my fave bands. Back in work tomorrow and then have two days off again! Its not bad this one day in two days off rota, but only because I booked some holidays, sadly I'm back to normal soon.

I've spoken to my mums sister and we are going to work on her and try our best to get her to the doctors this week. I have also spoken more to her about her symptoms and I think she may be panicking too much and reading too much into it. Hopefully its not as bad as she thinks. So I feel slightly better and less worried.

Another positive is that one of the new starters in my department in work hasn't been up to the job and is being moved back to his old job. He constantly talks about betting and has a few times put thoughts into my head that shouldn't be there. I am so relieved I won't have to work with him again. I tried so many times to tell him I wasn't interested but he just wouldn't give up.

Two more days off work to enjoy the tennis and football. I also need to get out and do some exercise. I am feeling a lot more positive, although my no alcohol and no junk food detox is a battle. I need to stick at it as I need to get in shape.

No bets for me today!!!

Hi Phil

Am pleased you are feeling more positive

It's good that you have your mums sister for support with your mum

Very well done on keeping abstaining and staying strong

Suzannex

That's good news Phil - so glad you are feeling better about things this week. I do hope that with your and your aunt's encouragement Mum will get to the doctors. I am sure, as you say, that she is just feeling down and taking a negative view of her symptoms.

Good news on the work front too - that should make life easier for you.

Enjoy the sport - I loved that amazing between the legs shot from Nick Kyrgios!

Can see a lot of youngsters trying that one, and regretting it....

All the best,

Joanna

Just a quick post today as I'm leaving for work shortly. Fortunately after today I have another two days booked off, I feel like a part timer at the moment! Feel good today, it's been a week since I started eating healthily and I have lost some weight. It's been a tough week, but I need to stick at it.

I'm not missing gambling, it's caused me no end of trouble and mountains of debt! Month by month things will get better and I won't give in.

I will be back tomorrow with a longer post. No bets for me today!!!

Day 201 and I'm seriously tired after yesterday. I totally underestimated how busy it would be up in Yorkshire and regret not staying over the night before. But it was a good day and now I have the taste of it I would love to do it properly next year and go to one of the mountain stages in France.

Feels good to get over 200 days it's the longest I've stopped for since I was 16. Sadly I'm back in work today but only one day again and then off again.

No bets for me today!!!

Hi Phil - Congratulations on your 201 - worthy of a yellow jersey! Glad you had a good time in Yorkshire and at least your tiredness is through healthy enjoyment and not from time wasted gambling. Hope you can make it to France next year - watch out for competitions for Tour trips.

Have a good week.

Joanna

Just watched an absolutely brilliant documentary about Lance Armstrong on channel 4. I would highly recommend anyone watches it on catch up. It was quite interesting because for years he lived a lie and I guess I can associate with that because over the years as a gambler I told so many lies that I forgot the truth. He also damaged a lot of people along the way financially and mentally, so I guess me and him have lots in common. The only difference is the bank balance lol!

I have had a day off today and its been relaxing, I'm still managing to stick to my detox which is good. The next three days will be tough as I'm away with work and lunch and evening meals will be on, plus my boss will expect me to join him in the hotel bar at night. I am going to be really really boring and drink water and avoid any junk food. Its also going to be a test to keep my cool because I am really angry with my boss as I have found out he has told others what was said in my one to one performance review. We are encouraged to speak out in at as its meant to be confidential and then he goes telling people what was said. I am far from impressed but will stay calm.

No bets for me today!!!

Hi Phil

You are doing BRILL

I will be watching that doc tonight

Sure you will stay calm enjoy it

As I said you are doing BRILL

Suzanne xx

Thanks Suzanne, let me know what you think of it. On my way to the north east as I type! Going to be so hard to stick to my detox these next couple of days, just sat and watched my boss eat a Burger King and later on will have to turn down a pint when the footballs on. But it will be worth it when I'm feeling and looking healthier.

Just checked my bank balance and it's really depressing! Life would be so much easier for me without my past. I can't wait to be debt free and still clear from gambling!

No bets for me today!!!

Hi Phil - Hope the business trip is not too arduous for you junk-food and mouthy boss-wise! I saw the Lance Armstrong doc a few days ago - astonishing the power that man had!

I feel sorry for the people who were destroyed along the way, and disgusted that his co-conspirators seem to have got a way with it...

Stay well and strong.

Joanna