My Diary - Day by Day

Wow, can't believe you have been on here for a year, hey you have truly done amazing, one blip in a whole year, is no mean going :)))

You have worked so hard on your own journey and you have held on tight on that rollercoaster.

Well done you, be very proud of yourself, you are a courageous lady, and I am proud to have been following your journey for a whole year:))

Keep going OAUs, and keep winning :))

Suzanne xxx

Day 28 - 7/2/16

Thanks for the continued support 🙂 You are truly amazing too.

Day 0 - 16/2/16

I completely screwed up! Since last logging in I have lost over £700. I feel sick - depressed - worried - ashamed - the list goes on! I am ready to STOP this once and for all. I cant feel like this again. I dont know if the shame will let me log back on here. I really cant take any more knock downs. I know I f****d up! BIG TIME. Feeling so low right now. I thought i had it in the bag. I feel weak - useless and a waste of space. I have used my credit card to put money back in the bank. I am overdrawn.I forgot all the other rubbish related to gambling!

I need to be stronger - I cant give up this journey - I came too far

Please dont judge me too harshly - I cant take it - I am doing it myself!!!

I WILL BEAT THIS ONE DAY AT A TIME

Hai Want2stop,

I've said before your the most courageous person on this forum and i dont budge from that.

The only person who will judge you is yourself. First, you really need to stop beating yourself up, thats the negative gambling cycle telling you to do that. Yes, you f****d up, it happens. Now to get back to where you were. The last time you wracked up alot of days, you did with the prop of this forum. Reconnect again and build up a possee of cyber pals who understand you and will support you in your down days ( we all have em ).

I humbly think its also time now to bring your OH into this equation. Things have to change and i know you've got it in you to do that.

Be nice to yourself and give your little un a big hug.

I wish you well....

You and me both xx

Sorry it's been a while. I was trying a - stop using the excuse that it's an addiction and take my mind off of gambling by not coming on here - and here I am again!

I screwed up really bad too! Absolutely zero cash and feeling the secret shame all over again.

We just need to get back to basics and find that disciplined strength again. In it together - not giving up on giving up - one day at a time xx

Day 1 - 17/2/16

24 hours down

Was scared to log on today - to face reality and possibly some not so nice comments - plesantly surprised with support recieved thanks both.

I understand the secret shame feel worthless - but you are right this place helped before - being honest and getting it off my chest.

Feeling more positive again - my debts will have increased but i have to focus on the future not the past now - dwelling is not going to help - i know it will take time to shift this guilt but every gf day will help

In it together xxx

Hi... My thoughts are with you. You need a hug... here it is ((((( wants2stop)))))

For what its worth I can really appreciate where you are at. I have also been for relatively long periods of time gambling free, only to then relapse with all the resulting loss of self-belief, self-confidence, self-esteem... the list goes on. I have been going around this cycle for 15 years!

I don't have any answers for you but you really are not alone. So many of us follow a similar pattern.

The only solution is to get back on the recovery wagon. I think you will.

You have helped me today by the way. Am wobbly in my thoughts. I am reminded of how I feel after the gamble.

Your not alone.

Keep safe... S.A

Good on you Want2stop.

Its good that you've accepted that the money is gone. I dont think i agree with you about its now looking at the future, i think its more of a case of looking at the present and let the future take its natural course but without the negative company of gambling. Respect this sly addiction but dont let it define you as you've seen in the past 24hrs. Your a good person who's gone through life changing experiences experiences in the past year or so with the arrival of the little un.

Keep moving forward even if only crawling. Keep reading and posting your thoughts.

Wishing you a good day....

Hey you ☺

Some great advice here from fellow soldiers and all i can add - "never give up on giving up!". You have it in you dear mummy of this lil angel, you can do it again no matter how hard it might feel now.
Not sure if your OH still gambling but some extra blocks would help! At least self exclude from everywhere you might have accounts with.
Dust yourself down and be kind to yourself. It hurts, of course it does but it doesn't have to stay this way. You have a choice to make, for your own wellbeing and the ones around you.

Please look after yourself, one step at a time - it will get better ☺

Hugs your way

S x

Hey girl, just got your post, didn't see it yesterday:(( listen no one is going to judge you on here, jeez we are all in that same rocky boat, ;))

I feel for you I really do, it doesn't help with your OH still gambling:((, but you have done sooo very well, it's time now to put you and LO first, you can't/won't be able to change your OH, only he can change when he wants to, but you must not let him drag you down, again, let him get on with it, don't give him any financial help whatsoever, sort your debts out, and leave him to sort his own out.Starving him of extra money, will yes hurt him, and he will be angry, but he'll girl time now to look after you and your LO, you have done this before and you can do this again,

You have taken 100s of steps forwards and only a couple back, don't lose the positivity of what you alone have achieved under quite enduring circumstances;)

Walking along side with you on this bumpy road.

Suzanne xxx

So glad you're were brave enough to log back in and see that there is only support here 🙂

Let's get on with moving forward and chipping away at that debt again xx

Day 2 - 18/2/16

I am overwhelmed by the support from you all - seriously feeling emotional now. Thank you all. Proud to be another day gf xxxx

Good on you W2S.

The emotions do tend to hit stratospheric heights when you put a halt to the gambling as I'm sure you've experienced before.

Keep wracking them days up and stimulating the little un rather than a horrid machine...

Honor

And proud you should be. Don't beat yourself up anymore! Think of all those days you wracked up before. You are NOT weak!

You're back and gf once again - keep it up and everyday you'll feel stronger 🙂 in it together - 1 day at a time xx

Day 3 - 19/2/16

Still going strong - the support just makes me stronger - Thank you