My Diary - Day by Day

Hi, W2S,

I would advise a good read of the f&f posts, there's a lot of parents and OHs in this situation and the advice posted is fairly standard. The problem is that if he thinks/know that you'll bail him out, then he'll continue, because he has no reason to stop. You may not like bailing him out, you may complain bitterly to him...but for him, all that counts is you handing over the money. And if you do, you're freeing up his money to gamble.

Sorry, not trying to make things worse for you, it's hard enough. But that is the reality.

CW

Hey w2s

So sorry to hear you're having a tough time. I remember one of the reasons I started to gamble was cos my OH was doing it and I thought a) I could win a few extra pennies for myself and b) what I win could make up for his loses (shocking thought processes we have!)

You're so strong for supporting him whilst also dealing with your own addiction. Maybe silly question but does he know what you are going through to stop - how bad it got and how it made u feel?? I got worried my OH was gambling again the other day so I addressed it in a 'if anyone knows your thought processes it me' way, so he didn't feel like I was attacking him or being hypocritical.

You must tell him how important your giving up is to you and your family - and you're not even asking him to give up - you just cannot bail him out anymore. It's not fair babe.

Hope I haven't stepped over the line with my comments - you must do what is right for you but I can only imagine how hard it is for you right now. We're always here for a rant 🙂 remember, you're the rock in a hard place, there is a way out. In it together xx

Day 51 - 7/4/16

Thanks for all your comments. I know exactly what you are all saying I need to be stronger and not give in to him. It's been hard to stay gf but proud to say that I am. Will have a look at those posts cynical. o*g red we are so alike. I hated the OH gambling but fell into the trap after years of seeing it and thinking maybe I could win some money back. Have been havin these thoughts again lately. But like I said to him the longer he gambles the bigger the hole he is going to dig. At least sometimes I used to take the winnings he won nearly 2 grand the other week and gambled it through!!!

Actually feeling really depressed lately and I feel alone (i dont tell many people much about this as i dont want them to think bad of OH and no one knows about my own problem except the OH) Its nice getting the support on here and realising i am not alone so Thanks x

Like u said w2s, we are so alike! I used to feel exactly the same way and still do sometimes. The free counselling through gamcare has really been helping me. Took my lowest point to agree to go but so glad I did because now the shame is subsiding and I have a non judgmental person to talk to openly about my and OH gambling. I'm not surprised you've been feeling low. Take care of yourself and keep patting urself on the back for all your good work and achievement. And we are always here 🙂 xx

Hai want2stop.

I'm still chuffed that you and rednow are still carrying each other along. She, made a great point in that does your OH know what measures your doing to overcome this f**k. .

I said to you, when you first returned that you were courageous in having a oh as a gambler as well as having your life changing addition to your life.

It's understandable your feeling down, your trying to tackle a sly addiction pretty much in the lions den, with no armour what so ever. I fully go with Odaat, and also CW in reading the f&f section. Your tackling two addictions in one go, with yours and the OH's, yet 1 is hard enough.

Put you and your baby first. Your oh may be a good man, but sorry he's caught well and truly in the eye of the storm. I'm, sorry but you can only help yourself and your enabling the oh in his addiction .

I truly wish you well

Would just add that all the f&f enable at first, until we wise up and/or hit our own rock bottom. Don't beat yourself up about it. But you can't control what he does, only what you do.

BW,

CW

Day 52 Hun 🙂 hope you're having a good day and enjoy the weekend with the little one x

One day at a time! You're a rock!! In it together, always here xx

Day 55 - 11/4/16

Thanks everyone. Not had chance to pop on as i am back at work now - maily weekends and the time is flying. This would have been one of my worst weeks as OH on nights and i could 'get away' with gambling. At the moment not tempted which is good - keeping strong. Just feel lack lustre. Trying to think positive and bring myself back up. Really proud to still be GF and knowing that i have support on here is a great feeling. Keep it up everyone. In it together x

Well done keep it going

Day 56 - 12/4/16

Thanks - feeling a little more positive today

So glad to hear you're feeling a bit more positive. It comes in waves! You've totally got this!! 🙂

Day 57 - 13/4/16

Had a few little niggles/urges today. Resisting and keeping busy. OH pay day tomorrow - Hoping this is the week the OH stops again!

Day 58 - 14/4/16

Checking in

Feeling tempted tonight 🙁