Hello folks,
I am 26 years of age and for the last 13 years of my life I have been gambling. The last few years have been a real struggle and last year I convinced myself that I had a gambling addiction. From this day onwards, I have made a promise to myself that the gambling ends and I regain my life back.
I have read numerous diaries on this forum which has motivated and inspired me to write my own. If gambling was to be completely eliminated from my life I would have so much to live for. I have lost my fitness, hobbies, friends and general motivation due to this horrible addiction which I am eager to retrieve. Any support and advice is greatly encouraged folks. Here goes....
Day 1 - 30/03/15
Over the weekend I lost around £300 pounds after having been paid on Friday. Felt sick to the stomach (which isn't unusual)! This is my determined effort now to stop gambling. I went to a wedding on Saturday with my girlfriend (she looked stunning)! All I could feel is guilt because of the gambling and at times I feel that she doesn't deserve this. My goal is to propose to her and give her a great future which I am determined to do. Day 1 was tough but I got there due to reading through various forums on this site.
Day 2 - 31/03/15
Woke up today and went to work. Had a long think to myself whilst in the car with no radio or music on for the full journey (38 miles). The traffic was mayhem so meant that I could think longer about how to sort my life out and stop gambling. I find that I look forward to work as it means that I cannot gamble, a type of escape for me I suppose. Finished work for the day and drove home (with the radio on this time). Football was on tonight........wanted to bet however managed to fight the urge. This is going to be difficult.
Hi... like you say, staying stopped from gambling is difficult. My journey provides ample evidence of that. But then nothing worth having ever is easy.
Keep fighting them urges. The only win is not to play. You can have a better life, same goes for me.
Regards... S.A 🙂
S.A, thank you for your words of advice. They are greatly appreciated. I have had a browse through your threads and find them fascinating and motivational.
SierraJuliet
Day 3 - 01/04/15
Woke up fairly early this morning considering I'm night shift tonight. Stayed in bed for ages and had two cups of tea whilst browsing through this amazing site which has kept me occupied. I consider my bed as a safe place where I cannot gamble but at the same time, it's not great to lie in bed all day.
Managed to get myself up and went for a walk to the shops which is something that I haven't done in ages. Bought loads of healthy food and determined to get fit again. Bought ingredients to make Turkey chili for tonight's dinner which is a recipe from a fitness magazine I got years ago. Also bought some things to clean the house up with.
Walked passed a bookmakers, bingo hall and amusements and managed to avoid them with a feeling of disgust from my previous days. The fresh air felt amazing today and I am feeling better despite it only being 3 days gamble free. Going to make the dinner soon and tidy the flat before the GF gets home. Then off to nightshift 🙂
Hi Scott thanks for your lovely post and welcome aboard.
There is a challenge thread over on the overcoming gambling problem page, maybe you would be interested in joining, it's the challenge 2015 and is run by Born again( Phil) it's a great tool to keep focused and not feel alone.
Also between 8 9 pm there is a chat room on here every night and Wednesday nights Sergeant Tri is in there, ( never been in there myself yet) but I will just out of curiosity lol.
3 days today and you sound very positive and determined, Well done, I wish you the very best on your journey of recovery, and I will keep an eye out for you
Take care and stay safe.
Best wishes.
Suzanne xx
Thank you Suzanne. It hasn't taken me long to sign up to the 2015 challenge, I've just put my name down for it. Thanks again for the suggestion and advice.
Scott x
Well done Scott, keep reading and posting, you learn something new every day on here about this horrendous addiction.
Take care.
Suzanne xx
Thanks for dropping by my diary and the lovely message - keep it up xxx
Day 4 - 02/04/15
What a tough day today! I had a couple of urges here and there and felt really bored at times. I managed to counteract the urges and keep myself occupied by going for a walk in the park. So happy with myself for doing so. This has been by far the hardest day so far but I'm still feeling motivated not to go back to that dark place.
Start nightshift soon so will need to get ready and looking forward to the fact that I cannot gamble whilst working. Hope everyone has had a good day and a peaceful night.
Scott x
Ooo Scott our similarities are frightening! I hated those sodding machines & swore to myself every single day I was done...For years & years! Work & bed were the only safe places for me to be in & even then I never switched off thinking about them. My 'girlfriend' is the most loyal & caring bloke in the world & we are getting married this year!
If I were you, I'd self exclude from those establishments you walked past the other day! It will help keep your Time-Money-Location triangle broken!
Well done today & a big welcome to day 5 🙂
I am living proof that you can do this - ODAAT
Hi ODAAT,
Thanks for the advice and warm welcome. It has been tough so far but anything worth doing isn't easy as they say. When I joined this site I had a thorough look through your diary which has also inspired me to do this. It definitely helps reading other people's posts and experiences.
Well that was my last night shift last night and I'm not long up. I have taken an idea from Wants2stop which involves a reward scheme. The idea of this I think provides a great incentive and for the first time in a long period of time, I will have something to show for some hard work. These are the following near future rewards;
05/04/15 (1 week gamble free) - New earphones for the gym (Groupon always have great officers)
12/04/15 (2 weeks gamble free) - £15 worth of iTunes
28/04/15 (Payday) - New gym bag.
I hope to tick these items off in the near future.
Scott x
Day 5 - 03/04/15
Day 5 was a good day for me and not even a tad bit as hard as yesterday. I started back the gym today which was an eye opener. I used to be a really fit person and constantly went running and was at the gym daily however this stopped because of gambling. In the recent months I really let myself go by not keeping fit at all! I'm paying for it now!
I must admit it felt great being back but it was difficult. I will definitely stick to it and become as fit as I was before though. It was my friends birthday so went for dinner and drinks at night which felt great and at no time did gambling enter my mind. I already feel like I am in s better place folks.
Scott x
Keep up the good work Scott. Long pay it continue.
Can I trouble you to talk more about your past experiences with gambling?
What were your vices and how did you mostly gamble (online/bookies)
Have you placed any blocks so far?
Mark
Hi Mark,
Thanks for the kind words of encouragement. Sorry I haven't elaborated on my gambling history but here goes. I started gambling at a young age which included 5p fruit machines. When I reached the age of 18 my friend introduced me to 20p roulette (always thought 20p roulette was ironic because it's always a lot more than 20p spent).
The usual pattern occurred, I lost and won and lost and won....then lost. Throughout the years the stakes were increased and when I did win, it would be a good amount of money however I always fed it back into the machines. At that point I was working in a night club and would be paid weekly. Needless to say on payday I would enter the bookies and my wages would be cleared out that day.
As the years went by, my gambling gradually adapted into all forms which included online bingo, poker, sports betting, scratch cards....you name it I would bet on it. I still lived at home with my parents and never ever admitted to my problem at that age.
At the age of 21 I started my new job which I still do to this day. This role required me to drive to my training and I did not own a car. The bank offered me a 10k loan which I accepted and I bought a car which cost me around 5k. What did you do with the other 5k I hear you ask? Yeah, you guessed it! I gambled it on online slots and lost every penny. My life came crashing down at this point and found life extremely difficult. I was engaged to my partner and I ended the relationship because of the guilt.
I continued my gambling after the split and never had any money. My mum and dad also separated after 32 years together which didn't make things easier.
I began taking out payday loans which caused serious stress and placed me under even more financial difficulty. Throughout the past few years both my mum and dad have bailed me out from various payday loan companies. There was times were the loans would be completely paid off and then I would reapply and obtain more money which out me back to square one.
My girlfriend and I reunited 2 years ago and I decided to get my life back on track and stop gambling. This worked for a short period of time however I began the gambling online again. At this point we had moved into our flat which is approximately 40 miles away from my work. We still live there to this day and my petrol expenses are huge each month due to my commute to and from work.
In July 2014 my GF went on holiday with her mum and sister. This landed on a payday for me and I finished work that day and spent over £600 on online blackjack. I felt sick to the stomach and consulted my mum for help. I managed to stay away from gambling for around a month however went straight back to it again spending more and more each month.
The emotions in which gambling has caused me is incredible. As a gambler everyday was a roller coaster which mentally drains you. You lose interest in the things which actually mean the most to you, partners, friends, family and most importantly yourself. Hobbies become non existent and in my case I lost my fitness and well being.
Day 6 - 04/04/15
Woke up early today and dropped GF off at work. This was my first Saturday of not gambling which I was dreading due to the football. I was a sucker for putting in numerous football coupons on a Saturday by managed to stay away completely today which I am so pleased with. If anyone is similar to me, here is a word of advice which helped me today, don't look at the results during games. I refrained from doing this and I found that I did not have an urge to bet on a game. To be honest I didn't even check the full time results to prevent myself from saying "I would have picked that score".
I went to a friends leaving night later on and took the car. It felt great socialising again and betting didn't enter my mind during this. An all round great little day I had and very proud.
Day 7 - 05/04/15
Went into town today and had a browse at engagement rings. Jeeso, some of them are pricey lol. Got my eye on a little beauty so hopefully get the funds together in the next couple of months and make the purchase. This would never be possible to afford if I continued to gamble so the engagement ring is a symbol for so many things which includes achievement.
Went for dinner with the GF afterwards and had some drinks together in the sun. Again such a great day with no thoughts of gambling. What a great weekend.
Day 8 - 06/04/15
I was working late shift today so didn't have the time or location to gamble. Always a bonus when I can elimanate 2 sides of the gambling triangle. Returned home and had some tea and caught up on my diary from the busy weekend. Work again tomorrow so sleep time soon. Still no real urges to gamble, long may it continue.
not managed to treat myself to my ear phones yet but plan to over the next few days.
Scott x
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