My Diary of Shame

Nice, I've just spent ages scrolling through my posts to try & bump the Tips for Keeping Busy thread (for a newbie asking for distractions) & despite the post telling someone I had bumped it being in my history on the 10th June the thread is no longer visible in the Overcoming Problem Gambling section! I've bitched & moaned before about removal of posts & diaries so it will be no surprise to any of you that I am bleating like a lamb but if this has, as I suspect, been deleted & the 'owner' is still reading then shame on you! If it is purely my incompetence then can someone please bump it & I will be back to chomp on some humble pie in due course!

Breatheeeeeee...

Sozz to see you upset & all those "deletings" are pain in a b*m but please don't let it affect you!

Not 'affecting' me Sesuo, I have my colouring books & 23 Sharpies (one died)...Just a shame that people put thought & effort into a recovery thread to benefit everyone (that I hasten to add has had as many bumps as most of us would need on our birthdays) & it's gone in the blink of an eye!

That's a bummer. I saw a colouring book in WHSmith and thought of you...it was Candy Crush colouring 🙂

It was a useful thread...fancy starting a new one?

Hey ODAAT, thanks for the comment, I feel a little better about it now.....especially as I'm loving the new path I'm on, it's much more relaxing, less stressful and it's nice to be able to tackle life with a much clearer head!

Oh and I love the tips for keeping busy thread, to suddenly find you have time on your hands and a need to keep busy, it's a handy thing to have.

Hope today is being kind to you 🙂

Thanks kelly for the kind words and I'll catch up with you when I can draw a breath !

Love and best wishes to you and yours !

PoP xx

w*f indeed Kelly,....I shouldn't be here today with my tail between my legs I should have been here around a month ago when I felt vulnerable and knew I was heading for a fall, sure enough the fall came and here I am ...I am determined this is my last fall, I'm never going back...with all the advice given on here about putting blocks in place it's something I never did and suffice to say that was fundamental in my downfall...stupid schoolboy error, or pigheaded arrogance? ..probably the latter 🙁

So true ODAAT there's no cure only management ...I need to take control and manage my recovery again...no more excuses on my part...I am 100% in because I want my 100% out from recovery just like it was not so long ago 😉 ...I want those good times back Juuuune, ..care free days for Ginge from now on.

As for you Junie l know you're not a day counter but you must have close to 3 years of recovery to your name ..that's no mean feat...and I should know 🙁 ....I'm so appreciative of the help and support I receive from you girls I thank you dearly :-))

right Juuuuuune I'm back in the game feeling so much happier, healthier, and fitter than I did 18 hours ago...just hope I can stay on the pitch a bit longer than last time 🙂

thanks so much Kelly..OAU..Ginger x

"In the psychiatrists chair with ODAAT"

You are spot on June, you read me like an open book...staying in control is beyond me ...I knew this but still continued like a condemned man until I was skint...absolutely no intention of stopping along the way 🙁

What really gets to me is I was so happy in recovery and yet still chose to gamble with my happiness ....i am gonna put blocks in place with the help of one of my daughters, (cards in her possession)

Kelly I'm so disgusted with myself for this lack of self control, but I can only move on from here....thanks Juuuuunie for your advice and insight, it's always so well received ;-).....Ginge x

To keeping your pucker up. ODAAT Tri

How's tricks with you? Not seen much of you about latley so thought I would come and give you a prod.

KTF

Hey there ODAAT! Thanks for taking the time to post on my thread, you're so right with what you said, and the counsellor also told me I need to know what I'm prepared to do if my OH doesn't stop, it's hard though so hard, especially when you try to see the good in someone, and yes my 'enabling' has well and truly stopped but alas he still thinks he doesn't have a problem, but why else would he need to withdraw £800 from a credit card?? I've looked into Gam anon but there are none anywhere near me but tbh even if there was the bitterness for this wretched situation, in me I'd probably be of the mindset of 'why should I devote my precious time to someone like this when I can be with my kids and dog instead!!' He actually approached me on Friday night asking me the names of the software to block gambling sites but in all honesty it was so half hearted I shrugged him off saying I didn't know and to use google, well its not rocket science - he can use his ingenuity to slyly and secretly gamble but can't research anti-gambling software!!!! Maybe I did the wrong thing, but to me it wasn't enough.

I appreciate hearing your point of view from a CG point of view, but I also feel helpless! Success stories are hard to come by! I know they exist though but at present there is no light at the end of the tunnel.

Bev x

Crikeeeeey Special "K" !! There's me thinking I had a downer on the younger generation or anyone else even the slightest bit different but you've got it well covered there Gal , the only thing missing from your post was the threat of sitting on a rooftop with a sniper rifle ( hope I haven't given you another idea ?) .

The ones that get to me the most at the mo , are the ones that slump all over my counter complaining of being tired and when questioned about their apparent lack of energy ,It's nothing to do with work but because they queued up the day before to get their hands on the latest x box game and then stayed up all night playing it , ( tough life eh ?) .

I suppose we were all young once but I still think their extracting the urine a bit ?

Hope you had a great time on yer Hols ? but bit of a bumm.er havin an early start first day back eh :((

Here's wishing you a great week and all good things to you and your's and many thanks for the drop by /./

Take care POP's x

Thank you for supporting my journey. It is a lot of your threads that led me to find courage to make an account. Your diary I have kept up with and I just wanted to say that you give me hope in all this mess.

Thanks " K" and your totally right about the " after sales " quite a good way of looking at it really :)).

I know what it is now and fully aware of what Mr G is trying to do , it just took me a bit by suprise really and yes I am lucky that I don't have a constant battle with those feelings on a daily basis , I think stepping back and having a chat with a few gooduns like yourself over the last couple of days , has done me the world of good and is totally what this place does best, somewhere to run and seek some refuge and clarity :))

I've not said anything to my partner at the mo as she's enough on her plate already and to be honest I know I won't do anything stupid , I'd never forgive myself if I let myself or anyone else down after all this time and I could just imagine the Boll0king I'd get from you , now thats really scary !!.

Anyway back to those pesky youngen's , shame about the gun licence but a Tazer ? well that could solve a few issues eh ? even this evening I've had em in saying " Don't you do meal deals "? and me saying " well everythings individual on the menu " , then a pause " Yeah , but aint you got any deals " ? " No Sorry " " Why don't you do deals mate " ? " Because most of my customers can usually string two or three items together and add em up " " Oh , ok mate " " So how much is Sausage chips and a coke then " ? FF Sake ? You know those shi.te bricks Joan talks of , well as I'm now thinking of taking one of those bricks and smashing the spotty little oik in front of me ove the head with it , maybe me going into full time fostering with my partner doesn't seem such a bad move ? At least I could help shape a few of the next generation not to ask for a effing meal deal and teach em to add up a bit ? .

I did have a bit of lightheartedness ( is that a word ) ? though today , I had to take my dog to the vets to have her stiches out , the vet came out of his room and called my dog's name followed by my surname ( I always find that a bit uncomfortable TBH , sounds like a P**n star ) , so I stood up and he said " can I see her walking before we go into the room " she wasnt wearing a lead as I'd carried her in , I placed her on the ground and she turned her head towards her tail , took one look at the vet then ran out of the shop and through the car park with me and my broken toe in slow pursuit , everyone in the vets was in fits of laughter as I carried her back in to the vet , whos verdict was that she was recovering well after the recent op :)) .

I'm on some long old rants these days aren't I ?.

Thanks for listening or I hope you enjoyed nodding off ? xx

Morning Mrs D, once again, I feel compelled to pick up something from Oldhamktf about the unwavering support of newbies. I did this religiously @ the start of my journey because it helped me & I felt bad for people having the strength to cry out when their pleas seemed to fall on 'deaf ears' (apols to anyone I gave duff advice to). Deano's arrival made it ok for me to back off when I started getting frustrated by people posting once & disappearing. It still frustrates me (I'm working on my compassion) but I happily drop the odd post now with no expectations. I know I can't help anyone, only myself so no point wearing myself out trying but it's the unwavering support around us that makes this place so great & allows us to have the choice whether to post or not...I like that 🙂 Martin has already done a shout out so mine is only an echo but Joydivider (I haven't forgiven you for deleting all your posts but I'm so glad to see you back & strong) & Glint (my Ocean saving Funk Master friend), I applaud you!