My Diary of Shame

LOL !! I actually felt awful just after I'd done it , when the first post came up it just said "ghost " with nothing written on it and when I looked back there was an opening post and "yes pal " on the next msg , I'm actually laughing now typing this :)) you've started me off again now Cow !! . Hope your well Kelly xx

Thanks for your comments. As always thoughtful,caring and humorous with the right content.

Hi, thank you for posting on my diary, just read the majority of yours and it's amazing, you have done so well, some of your postings made me laugh. We need a sense of humour don't we to get through life's ups and downs. Best wishes x

Morning Mrs D, just lolling about in the pit with a bit of Buble (acute accent) & my trusty salt lamp, enjoying the solitude (NM is working & the mutt is with the sitter, snuggled up in bed with one or other of the family members I expect) & thought I'd drop by...

The mum front has gone quiet since I told her to whistle, I'm working harder than ever (ain't that just typical, in rolls the work just when I'm almost @ the end of my escape tunnel coz there wasn't enough going on), sleeping better, making an effort with my Fitbit & generally being a much nicer person, who knew I was capable of feeling normal 🙂

Keep riding your storms guys...There really is sunshine after the rain!

Is it getting time for a change in diary name ODAAT? Is it still a diary of shame?

That salt lamp is my favourite recurring object in these diaries.

Like that helpful little lamp.

Never really know what to post about the family stuff. Family isn't something I have much experience of, or having responsibility, or owning property. I read, learn, take it in but never feel equipped to offer anything useful.

A post about a tree.

Now that's much more my remit.

Respecting and appreciating how wonderful trees are is always a good sign that you respect and care for all life.

That's cool.

Respecting and enjoying the tree will help lead you to being the happier person you have flourished into this year.

Can only write from my time on the forum, I'd say you could only be 'even nicer' rather than being a 'much nicer' person.

Noticed that your recent posts suggest you consider the forum quiet at the moment (wouldn't disagree), so think you have increased your posting to help pick it up.

Doing a good job of that intentional or not.

Great work ODAAT.

Delighted how much things have improved for you since the depression earlier this year.

Have to take your word for the sunshine - make sure you stay there please.

Keep on that upward curve.

Thanks for dropping by it's very sad and hard to make sense of I'm sure he had his reasons. I'll deal with it and be there for his mates and family. Thanhs again.

Half 2 in the morning and your Lolling about in your pit with Michael Buble or is it a bottle of Bubbly ?

You are a nice person , I only know you on here and think your actually a lovely person , you listen to people and speak empathetically in a way we can all understand but like all of us on here we all go through the mill from time to time , especially with things we can't control , I think your a saint for what you put up with regarding your family but you stand by them regardless because of the person you are ( I know your not enjoying this dose of praise one bit ) but you getting it anyway :)).

I don't think anyone of us isn't normal in our word , were just a bit " Tilted " at times !

Look after yourself Special " K "

POP's xx

Hi how you doing and thank you for posting on my diary. I don't know whether I would go so far as to say I love winter but I've certainly started to enjoy walking especially since having the dog. Prior to this I was the type of person who got in the car to drive to the corner shop (lazy a**e your thinking lol). It's amazing the different sounds from birds you hear from walking through the park. SImple things I've missed all these years that cost nothing. Watching the dog chasing a squirrel to the tree that she's never going to catch all this I would have missed if I hadn't stopped gambling. My dog has caused havoc tonight, destroyed new toy and the bits was all over the rug in the lounge. went outside and was digging then decided to jump all over partner and his clean white jumper which now has paw prints all over it , I was trying not to laugh, then decided to drag the kitchen towel all around the lawn, now fast a sleep. SHes a beagle what's yours? Orange chips, not crisps, they are battered chips and I'm not having anymore for a while whilst healthy eating. Take care x

Hi ODAAT hun thanks for bday wishes! Exactly I always said that I'd be gamble free when I'm 50 and I am! Despite very strong urges I've stayed free:) it's going to be so worth it I know and that's keeping me going. Thanks again best wishes Lu x

Hi, well almost at target number two which is 45 days. Black Kong, only seen the red ones , started off with the small one then went to the medium sized one, only thing she hasn't managed to rip apart yet. She's on bed number 2, chewed god knows how many balls, pulled the carpet up and chewed the underlay up, good job I love her and the carpet needed replacing.

Are you really sure a " Black Kong 's" a dog's toy ?????????????????????, sound's a bit Iffy to me :)) x

Is it time for a name change? No, not yet!

Today I booked a class for 1230, to make sure I got up! I cancelled the class. Then I asked the NM to get me up before he left for work @ 1330, but decided to stay in bed reading! My watch is lying, the other day I was up for half an hour before it realised I was 'awake', today, it hasn't registered any of the shut eye I had after 1036! I wasn't expecting this, not after last week, I thought I had my sleeping sorted? I've had 4 glorious days off, finished my tax return & still I'm grumpy! I'm toying with the idea that I'm scared to go out? I have £30 left from my wages & don't get paid until next week. Now, any gambler knows that £30 is plenty to last a week but if I go out, I'm bound to see something I want & I am as greedy as ever. I've never been without. Be it food, clothes, holidays etc as a child, gambling tokens as an adult, things whilst in recovery, I don't know the word 'no', only how to use it! I have 'savings' but I'm kinda scared to touch them as I don't want to hear Mr G again & if I'm dipping into them for petrol/food then hey, what's £20? What are savings for anyway? It's not like I have any time to go away, except I do...Just like with money, I obsess over my leave days? Don't want to waste them in case I 'need' them!

Rainy days & sunny days, if I want to make the rainy ones count, I have to keep pushing through - ODAAT

I think sometimes the "glorious" days off can give us too much time in our own head... which can invite in all sorts of unwanted c**P that just muddies the waters.

You have a great awareness and attitude Kelly that will serve you well:)

Cathyx

A couple of years gamble free and your still worried about taking a few quid out of your savings for a treat , what makes you think you won't be able to cope in the big wide world with money , you know youv'e got this under control and unless you go out and try you'll never know and all those thoughts of I can't be trusted will keep growing only making it worse.

It's about confronting things and taking them on fair and square , then and only then will you see the for what they are just feelings and nothing more , your more than capable of keeping an eye on yourself . The moneys alway's been there and youv'e not gone out on a binge and blown the lot which you could have done easily and what's the point of working if your not going to allow yourself to reap the benefits ? . Your abstaining from gambling not from life :)).

And your name's just fine One Day At A Time , just the way it should be Kelly !!. xx