My FOBT recovery

Another weekend without the fobt and even managed a trip to Blackpool and walked past all the fruit machines , had to walk through the arcades on our pier walk and it made me feel sick looking at all the bright lights.

Still managed to have a good day away and remained focused on the important things and added another few days of fobt free.

Happy fobt free Monday.

Feeling much better and still no fobt , however last night was very weird and something I haven't done before.

I felt annoyed because I was just about to put some money on a goal scorer in the TV game and as is always the case he scored , I felt gutted I hadn't put it on in time and calculated it would have won me 120.00 , stupidly as the football was coming to an end I put 30.00 on 3 dead certs in the tennis , tennis of all sports , I dont even like Tennis and yep you guessed it one of them lost.

As the mist is clearing it seems like now im looking for the fix I used to get with the instant fobt win outside the fobt , im really upset with myself for doing it and part of me today wants to go chase the 30.00 back

Thanx Johnb1380..

I am grateful for your support.

I would like to mention something if I may?

I have beaten gambling before. However, the only way I did it was to totally cut of from all gambling. Even a small bet of 1p would trigger me in to chaos. I hope this helps? Not gambling is a discipline and total rejection in your mind set can possibly beat it. I, foolishly went ack to it like I could be fine...I guess I was wrong! It cost me at least 20 k , therefore, I am much worse off than before my initial gamble. Broke.

I hear what you are saying Stoppa , a few years ago something clicked and I was in that exact same mind set nothing was going to beat me and I stubbornly tried to quit gambling completely which didn't work.

I can live with losing small amounts each week , the fobt was the biggest problem for me and suppose I should give myself some credit that I have racked up nearly a month now not playing them which if I think about it will have saved me many hours of chaos and probably about a thousand quid.

The next part of my recovery is to tackle the other three aspects that I gamble on.

They are football , horses & the lottery.

In my head if my numbers came out on the lottery which I have been playing for 10 years I would be truly gutted , but maybe I need to let that part go n order to move forward.

I love the horse racing and recently I have cut down on my stakes on the horses and watch it like I used to watch it , just for fun or if I really liked one a small stake.

I still enjoy watching the football , but there is added excitement if I back a goal scorer , to be honest this is never a problem for me and always do well from my football betting over the week.

I guess cutting out the fobt is leading me to look for the thrill somewhere else , most experts in gambling would say you need to cut it all out , but I have said this to myself today and will see if it works.

I will carry on for now as I am , no fobt but betting on football , horses and the lottery , if I end up in a situation again where I lose control because of my betting basically I will know straight away and knock the whole lot on the head.

I need to carry on building the days avoiding the fobt and paying less attention to betting , I want to be in a position where the football and horses in maybe once a week long term where I can still enjoy a controlled bet.

Thanks for the post on my diary John. I always used to go to work and brag about my big wins, but never ever tell anyone on the days I had lost a months wage. Now I just need to keep telling the gamblers in work not to come to me to talk about it and hope they get the message.

Had a read of your diary and I think you really do need to tackle the other aspects you talk about. I'm a huge sports fan and do get annoyed when they show odds or my mind drifts to betting predictions. I think we need to learn to enjoy sports for sport and not betting. One sport you need to avoid is horse racing, I don't think you can just watch this for entertainment without a bet.

Keep the days adding up mate!

Fallen off in spectacular fashion tonight, triggered by awful bad day at work and late finish I have a few bets on football usual story back one the other scores but left me feeling empty.

For the first time in nearly a month the dreaded roulette on my phone playing ten quid spins must me mad.

After gambling and losing a shed load of money I find my numbers dropped in twice one after the other.

In the cold light of day and seeing nearly a 1000 in my bank I withdrew and went to swill my face.

I feel sick that I have let it slip after nearly a month on the wagon, a month isn't a lot but to me was everything.

The money I've won will sort a few problems out but like a drug taker I've had my fix now and need more.

Need to get some help even when I win I'm a mess

John

fella I hope this morning you have put in place the right blocks to stop you going after the next episode.

So am I right in thinking your fobt addiction has evolved into mobile phone gambling,that without the quick fix of the fobt,the instant gratification addiction sought through it,addiction has tempted you into playing roulette on your phone??

For me during my entire gambling life it was the fact that I simply could not bring myself to admit that through gambling that I LOST

Gambling won,it beat me up time and time again.

To bet on an event with a random outcome,an event of which you have no control over the outcome of will always produce losing bets,last minute goals,balls landing next to the number you desire,that is surely gambling on all levels,couple that with the trait of every compulsive gambler I have ever met

I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP

And the outcome is the same,wins mask losses,losing gifts the chase and wins are never cashed in they are just temporary loans to keep the addict an addict.

I ask this question to new members of my GA room

What is the end game for your gambling? what is the win that would stop you gambling?

See for me the answer is I simply would not stop,addiction willed me to relentlessly gamble on.

Why??

The truth is John I painted a picture to the world that I was a winning gambler,that in itself something I am yet to see from an active gambler.

Today I know how to win,keep my hard earned,there is no more chasing 'free' money because in truth today I know for me it does not exist.

As I say fella I hope your recovery continues to work for you,today that would I guess begin with you taking stock,learning a valuable lesson.

Thanks for sharing fella

Today I myself have learned from your diary.

Duncs stepping forward never back

Thanks Dunc,

Now the dust as settled so to speak I need to have a good hard look at my life and inparticular the fobt and gambling.

It was triggered last night and most times , well all the time by wanting an escape from every day life , bad day at work and something drove me there last night.

It would have been better last night if the fobt had taught me a lesson and taken all my money , but somehow I managed to find the resolve to come off the phone and with it quite a lot of money , money that I can do a lot of good things with.

I am going to book some counselling sessions and try and recover properly , in order for that to happen I now realise that means no gambling at all , on any sport , lottery and even silly things like tombolla at the school fate.

Today is day 1

Hi John

Reading with interest your eventful last few days...

Our diaries / thought processes seem to be the same. In fact i also went through the realisation that to keep off the fobt's i would have to cut all gambling out of my life. Well after 4 weeks I had had enough and went back to football bets. I did feel a bit guilty, not sure why as im not doing anything illegal.

Anuway because im not going into bookies and casino games are utterly cr** on my rubbish smart phone i dony have any desire to go back to the fotb's.

This time next week will not only bw my 36th birthday but will also be exactly 6 months since I last 'played' on an FOBT.

I wish you well trying to abstain from all kinds of gambling. Its not easy as we both know... does your partner know the extent of your gambling in the past?

Bit of a tough time at the moment which I put down to too much beer.

Put a fiver in a fruit machine at the weekend when I was well hammered and had a fair few bets this week.

Need to get things sorted before I end up back on the fobt and losing my hard earned.

Think the time as come where I realise this will never go away and need to seek some serious help and actually want to stop altogether , the problem is at the moment I cannot cut it all from my life , but I know if I dont I will end up a ruin , a poor ruin at that.

Having a bad few weeks and back to square one.

Blew over £1000 on roulette last week , felt sick , no sleep , usual stuff , won a bit back , won some more back had a mad Saturday and somehow managed to back a winner at 25/1 which basically meant I had all my money back.

I was determined to start the week afresh but then drops into my inbox a free casino bet , luckily I managed to turn that into £250.00 and withdrew , it felt pretty good too knowing I had one over on the bookies.

I now have to focus on recovery , each of the last few lapses have usually resulted in recovering my money , this time and after a terrible few weeks I am over £500.00 in profit , yet still probably £50k down over the years , not to mention the lies , cheating and ill health.

The problem I have is at the moment I dont know how to recover or what to do or where to start.

Hi John, hoping you're ok?. You've not posted for a while.

Pretty badly at the moment , had a relapse on the fobt which after hours of chasing I managed to turn around but the fact I am gambling such high amounts of money so so near to xmas worries me.

I think though it is slowly sinking in what destruction it causes , I was under no illusions to start with that gambling is a pretty messed up world but never knew how deep I was.

The main focus should be all forms of gambling , however I know to start with it must be the fobt , the fobt must never be played ever again. I only ever play the fobt even ive had a few beers.

Think I need to concentrate on building the days on the fobt and slowly cutting out other forms of betting.

How about telling your friends when your out drinking to keep an eye out for you and NOT let you wonder off to a bookies when your half-cut?. If your drinking at home then walking to your local bookies I would suggest self exclusion (I would do that anyway to be honest then drinking or no drinking you wont be able to go in). If you REALLY want to stop on the FOBT's youre going to have to put some blocks in place as willpower wont be enough as at some point you will let youre guard down again like youve done before.

Morning John

Fella sorry to read you are having a tough time of things again,for me gambling just manifested itself into whatever form it could to take your hard earned,whatever form of gambling I tried I just went gung ho at it,the relentless pursuit.

All to prove myself a 'Winner'

Today I recognise one of the key factors that kept me going back and repeating the same ridiculous act over and over expecting a different outcome was simply I could not bare to be branded a 'LOSER'

the truth today is I am proud to admit gambling won,it beat me,took all I had to offer and some and had me well and truly licked.

Funny because ironically for the compulsive gambler the winning formula doesn't cost a single penny,that winning feeling addiction told me I needed to forefill my life was there all the time,I just had to stop gambling to see it.

I hope you find the resolve to become a winner yourself fella.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back