My FOBT recovery

Hi John,

So this is your time now, online slots broke me, broke my heart, it's not about the money it's the addiction that gets us, and then we cannot stop, it's not about the winning, it's the addiction, we just carry on in zombie/ oblivion land , lucky for you you got interrupted by your little boy, it's a horrible addiction, but you have recognised the devistation/ self destruction it can/ will do if we don't stop.

So pleased you did for whatever reason,

Am sending you a big hug (J))))))))))) because you deserve one, and I know what you are feeling.

Suzanne xxxx

John,

I know the Gamcare stuff wasn't for you & GA isn't an option but you need to get that blocker downloaded! This is a difficult journey as it is but without blocks in place, it must be nigh on impossible. Back in November, you didn't want to stop but you tried going out on a high anyway & it worked for a bit! Now you are @ rock bottom, this must be your time! For us, the only win we have is when we don't place a bet because we cannot stop. You must put this loss behind you & see what tools people have to offer on here that you have not tried yet! Does your partner know? Now may be a good time to be honest if not as you may need help doing this.

I know you had a rough time last time you tried this path but look back, those feelings weren't anywhere near as painful as this! Get yourself excluded & back into recovery, a rubbish day here is better than a day gambling! You can fight this - ODAAT

Hi John,

Some great advice from Suzanne and Odaat

You HAVE to stop mate, you will drive yourself insane and lose everything that you have in your life. Take a read at Duncanmac's diary - it really is inspiring.

You might think that life as a non gambler is impossible right now but it goes to show that there is a way out of this.

Dont give up mate

Mark

Just need to establish a plan of action , need to start by closing all betting accounts and go from there.

Also need a blocker for my pc to take that part of gambling away.

Its a shame there isnt a blocker for the I phone which would vertually kill off all my options for the time being.

I realise one more slip would finish me off completely so need to start building the days.

John. Theres a lot of 'needs' in your post. Please 'do' these actions asap. Make 2015 different from last year. You can do it.

Not gambled since last year only the 29/12 but still a week today since I hit my lowest ever gambling point , probably a blessing in disguise although it doesnt feel that way at the moment.

So I have now contacted all online bookies and all very helpful apart from one American website who make it very difficult to self exclude , however the main ones who hammer you with offers all are now self excluded , 5 years for now but five years is a long time.

This last week I have spent more time with my family , started watching breaking bad series with my partner at night instead of being glued to the tv waiting for someone to score a goal or a team to win , cooked Sunday lunch , started clearing the house out of all junk , 6 trips to the council tip , endless visits to the charity shops and within another week or so I should be free of all my old clothes & junk.

I realise if I carried on any longer there was a great danger I could be pushed over the edge , whilst I haven't considered suicide knowing the way the roulette plays with your mind another loss or two I would have been broken.

The worst thing this year was a couple of big wins on the bonus roulette which means the next big win would have needed to be five figures for me to be remotely moved or interested , even if id won £5k life changing money eventually it all goes back chasing chasing chasing , moving your head with the ball , hot sweats , tears , joy tears and then that awful empty feeling knowing there is nothing left to gamble.

For 20 years of my life I have grown up in and around betting , my dad before he died gambled , all my friends gambled and it is a very vicious circle to break , even when I was young and Minnehomma won the grand national I got my first real buzz , all my pocket money on the horse at 20/1 , endless family weddings playing fruit machines , winning £100.00 when I was 12 and dancing for joy , however my life needs to change and I need to learn to live life without gambling , my friends will still gamble and I will be surrounded by there gambling but I need to rise above that and deal with this my own way.

Self exclusion is now done and my next step is now to understand where I go next , do I go for counselling , do I just try and cut gambling from my life , in some ways I found talking about it only made it worse , is there other ways other than couselling , ga is not an option being late at night in a part of town which is very rough and would feel uneasy about the whole process having being attacked there when I was 15.

I would like to go to meetings / therapy but dont know where to start giving the problems ive mentioned.

Hi John

Firstly, very very pleased to read your latest post, I was concerned that you hadnt yet hit your rock bottom and was half expecting another post about how you ended up in vicious circle of chasing chasing chasing.

Secondly im afraid I dont have the answers to stopping our afflicition, there is no magic pill or medicine out there which can wipe this addiction from our memories.

They say recovery is bespoke so you will have to figure out for yourself what may work for you. Some hand complete financial control over to a loved one whilst others may go to GA... A combination of both sounds ideal. However this may not be for you.

Ive just bought Allen Carrs book The Easy Way to Stop Gambling. I havent actually started it yet but it may be an idea for you to do the same if you want to give it a try.

I see myself in you in many ways. Its not going to be easy, if it was then they would be no such thing as a gambling addiction.

Just keep yourself as busy as possible in these early days and see where that takes you. You cant spend the rest of your life watching a ball spin round a wheel, thats no life at all mate.

Today I watched a dvd called Sunshine which had Steve Coogan in it , the whole story and set up reminded me of myself and my dad when he was alive , so much of the gambler Coogan plays is like me and ended up in floods of tears , it finally hit home what a true mess this gambling lark really is and even more upsetting I have this awful illness.

Each day for the past week I have taken money from my wallet I would usually use for gambling , I worked out on adverage I lose £10.00 a day which over a year is not a life changing amount but still £3650.00 , some days I lost more so I make sure I am true to myself and the weekend just past in which id lose £100.00 upwards ive set the weekend amount that goes into the pot at £100.00 , at the end of each year my plan is to blow the lot on something / anything new car / christmas holiday just a huge reward for making it that far.

Seeing my son each day makes me realise it is him who comes first and the roulette table would take away any decent future he could hope for , I am not in any debt but im very well paid so I should be living a different life to the one which makes me blow all my money.

I realise now it would take a huge win to even move me , ive won and lose and won over £10k since November and even when I was over £4k up still managed to fritter away a good half of it , thankfully not all.

I honestly dont know where this will take me , January and resolutions have never been my stong point , ive started well just hope I can build on this.

Hows things Sonic , how have you been ?

Hi John, ive seen you've posted on a few threads today - well done. I think the more time you spend on here the easier it will be for you.

Ive not seen that film but will maybe try and watch it sometime. I think its clear that the money part of gambling for you isnt the primary reason for doing what you do. You said yourself that you earn good money, your not in debt... Its clear your chasing that buzz. Somehow we have to find a way of not needing that buzz to function.

With regards the money that you spend - might seem small amounts 10 quid per day you said - at the end of the day just before you go to bed would you stick a tenner in your toilet and flush it away - of course you wouldnt. We need to somehow learn to appreciate money and we might therefore realise that its OUR money that we worked hard for so why throw it away and give it to the gambling industry.

Anyway im rambling now... Yeah im not that bad mate.. Did have a relapse on 22nd and again on 24th playing FOBT's while out xmas shopping in Bradford. Never visit there throughout the year and should have kept my guard up. But whats done is done and I cant turn the clock back.

Bradford is the worst sonic , if we have a lads day on the beer the vast amount of bookies is sickening , had a blow out in the summer there and was horrendous , it seems you can walk round in a circle and count 20 + bookies , all next to pubs and all positioned next to cash machines.

I have had many failed attempts to stop gambling none have ever worked , but this time I have my son to consider and I know people use the old cliche but as time goes on it does get easier I guess.

Onwards and upwards tomorrow is day 8 for me , good luck in your recovery

Well ive just done a mental count up - 9 that I can picture... I bet you could visit each one within 5 mins thats how close they all are to each other!

Bradford Council clearly dont give a d**n about the City.

Its frightening how much money must go to the bookmakers every year... Even based on 3 members of staff per shop on 13 grand a year the staff costs would be 351 grand (think its obvious that it would well exceed 3 staff per shop but hey ho). So with profits required in each shop we're talking millions of pounds being taken from the poor and given to the rich.

Makes me kind of ashamed that I contributed to that racket!

Well im on day 8 today of no gambling today feels pretty good , I just hope it isn't the January resolution factor which slowly disappears in Feb.

I considered GA for my next port of call but the one in Bradford is in the worst part of town late at night on a Friday , my only reluctance to go there on my own is knowing normally nobody in there right frame o mind would walk round there at 9pm on a cold dark Friday.

The main thing is not to gamble , but another thought in my mind is if I dont seek some professional help my hard work will go to waste and I will find a way to gamble again.

I wonder if anyone else went to Bradford GA and what there thoughts were ?

Day 9 today - big nine days.

Better mood , building my old strong bond with my partner , spending more time with my little boy and even managed the gym every day which is good.

A life without gambling is so rewarding however I am aware it is very early days and I know the scary thought of slipping back into that deep black hole is spurring me on , to steal a phrase I see on here looking forward never back.

I have accepted my wins / losses / wins and now have to move forward and look to the future , a future that must be without gambling for my own sanity.

Day 10 - made it to double figures , my next target is 3 figures.

90 days to go - hopefully now the fog is clearing it gets better.

Hi John,

Well done on double figures,

Suzanne xx