My FOBT recovery

Morning John,

They send you these free bets to get you going again, They know what they are doing, well done for not depositing any money after that, which is what they want you to do. You will have learnt from that, and that can only make you stronger and wiser, to not go back

You are in recovery, don't feel dampened, feel proud you did not deposit any money.

Stay strong and keep going forwards,

Suzanne xx

Thanks Suzanne,

In all honesty I would never have deposited any actual money just couldn't resist the offer which was quite a high one , it seems weird they would offer you £50.00 risk free , just shows you the amount of money they make if they can offer you such offers out of the blue.

The positives I should take is that I didn't lose any money and learn't a very harsh lesson which cost me nothing any form of gambling even with free bets sends me straight back to square one.

Another day - gamble free I hope.

Thanks Suzanne xx

Thanks Emily,

This is day 19 , Saturday the day when every sport is on the television , horse racing & football two things I love watching.

I proved last week I can go watch a game of football even with a few beers the thought never occured to me to put a bet on , I know however with horses it would be a completely different story and at the moment im not watching the horses.

I feel angry that gambling stole from me the horse racing but that is part and parcel of my recovery.

I must admit looking back at the free bet I had when the team I backed were winning I did consider edging my bets to guarantee a profit , in the end I said what will be will be and today I will close that account.

It makes you wonder how the one account I had left with a book maker managed to email me with a free bet having never even spam emailed me before , leads me to believe the major bookies are all in on the act and share information about vunerable punters.

NT - whilst the £50.00 bet is risk free , the actual risks are after that bet is done , they rely on you to pump money in which I haven't done.

Hoping for a gamble free weekend.

Hi John,

Well done on 19 days, just concentrate on being strong and focused at this time, because we can never win because we can never stop, the gambling institutions win in the end. But we do win everyday we do not deposit a single penny to keep them going.

Take care and stay safe

Suzanne xx

Day 21.

Went out for a few beers yesterday watching football , fruit machines and bright lights everywhere.

My friend was gambling on the game , just explained I wasn't gambling and the money I save I put away for a rainy day , also managed the afternoon and evening not even bothered about the gambling machines , I did notice guys putting £20.00 after £20.00 in a £100.00 jackpot bandit , it did sink home that was me once , why did I do it seems weird.

Another week and fast approaching the end of a month , if I could make it to the end of January I feel I can honestly start making some serious inroads , the first week is the hardest , urges come when you least expect them , gambling will always be there but recovery is the greatest gift of all.

Happy Monday everyone.

John

Fella it is amazing looking on at folk feeding their hard earned into a machine, for me the stand out fact is I can't recall ever seeing anyone look like they are enjoying it.

I know I simply zoned out, detached my self from the world until I fed the contents of my wallet in.

Then the walk of shame, the promise never to do it again, to quickly forget and as soon as funds became available go back at it.

Today that cycle is broken for us both.

Embrace it, it actually in my mind makes us winners.

Thanks for sharing, good medicine, I hope you are gifted your own.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Day 22.

Feeling well rested and refreshed and realise I wake up with a smile on my face , no worries about re-couping past losses and thoughts are now about trips out with the family and things I actually love doing.

Gambling takes that all away from you and leaves you in a very very dark hole , somewhere down the line something clicks and the change is made to go into recovery.

Recovery even so early on gifted me so many good things and the more the days build the better it becomes , adding the days making good inroads is very rewarding knowing potentially there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I now feel the responsibility to help others on this website , pass on advise and tips I was given when I first came here in my darkest of hours and my reward is knowing that like me I could be setting people on a new path away from this horrible addiction.

Duncs - thanks for posting in my diary and also for your own diary that alone and your kind words is enough to set people on a new path , they can read our diary with great encouragement knowing it can be done.

Happy Tuesday to everyone.

Hi John,

Well done on 22 days, your positivity shines through your lovely post.

Suzanne xx

Day 23.

Doing some serious soul searching today and looking at the different triggers in my life.

My partner doesn't have a job at the moment , our little boy goes to nursery 15 hours a week yet still nothing gets done in the house , it is always me who usually ends up angry having to prompt her to do the household jobs.

To make things worse I run my office from home , she is easily bored and bombards me with texts of ways to fill her day , I personally think it's obvious , do the household jobs while I work.

Sometimes part of my anger towards her for being so downright bone idle led me to gamble , we are due to get married at the end of May , I love her with all my heart but I have come to the conclusion I gambled sometimes to escape the constant battle I have with her to get some work done in the house , even her own mother admitted she was lazy so I knew what I was letting myself in for.

I know she cannot be to blame for my compulsive gambling it was with me from a young age , maybe im looking for someone to blame , maybe I am too harsh on her , maybe my anger is all part of recovery.

I now look at other ways to escape , go to the gym , go for walks , even nip to the pub for a quick pint take a depp breath and start again , anything but gambling.

I am happy all the blocks or in place with the online bookies , I know if I wanted to the betting shop is only a short distance away but my anger is stopping me gambling , I guess I didnt know how much frustration I have inside through gambling and the realisation of the money ive blown over the years , chasing the dream.

My little boy is my whole world , I swore blind two years ago when he was born I wouldn't gamble , but fall outs at home and work meant it wasn't long before id blown a fortune , juggling finances and causing even bigger financial family problems.

What I do know is recovery is the only option for me , the future is all im looking at.

Sorry for the ramble , I wish you a gamble free day.

Day 24.

Caught up in everyday life , changing nappies , working hard and trying to keep warm with the snow.

No thoughts of gambling , football unless it is the team I support doesnt seem that appealing on the tv anymore , not even considered watching horses and all my betting accounts self excluded for the next 5 years.

One good bit of news was the new anti-betting advert that is being commissioned and will air on the tv this week promoting proper responsible betting , the first of it's kind and well worth a look.

Not to get ahead of myself but exactly 1 week today will signal a whole month gamble free that for me is huge in the path I have now chosen to take.

Good morning to you John. Today should be day 25 - the quarter century - a milestone. I am pleased for you. I hope you can enjoy the peace of mind that the continued abstinence brings. It is amazing how ordinary life becomes more than ordinary when it is not corrupted by gambling. It is difficult for me to say this as I am by nature a hypocrite as long as I gamble. Who am I, a man just 3 days clean, to be advising others? Notwithstanding my own short comings I have no qualms about encouraging others. So well done. Keep going - I will remain 22 days behind you.

Best,

Mark

Day 25.

The road to recovery , tomorrow a day filled with friends and beer.

Saturday I am and am not looking forward to , my closest friend the one I gambled with most is coming to visit and we are meeting other friends for beer , ever since I can remember even as kids going to the arcades we have gambled our brains out , we even once we went to a place which had arcades and a fun fair we never went to the fun fair always on the fruit machines , we gambled our last money and had to walk home , on the way home we had a conversation and said what we would do if we found some money , almost like a test as young teenagers there on the floor lay a load of coins , it was quite surreal , a whole host of pounds , fiftys , enough for chips and the bus home , you know the end to this story and naturally after wasting more time at the arcade we eneded up walking home again.

So tomorrow comes at a time when my recovery is early on , beer , football , horses but im determined to go and prove to myself again that I can socialise surrounded by others gambing whilst not participating myself.

For me I know one slip this time leads to ruin and im truly scared of the consequences of another slip , the thought of slipping is not one ive considered , foolish I know but that is the determination I have built inside me right now.

Onwards I go another day gamble free.

Good luck John & congrats on your abstinence so far.
I couldnt do what you are doing the possibility of putting myself in a gambling enviroment was a risk not worth taking the price of failure was to high. Even if i managed to not gamble when around others that do all that will do is feed my addiction more ammunition that i am ok that i can control myself around gambling. I cannot. It beats me up & spits me out. I am powerless my life is unmanageable with it in my life. Therefore i will not participate with it in any shape or form. If that means i dont associate with former gambling friends so be it. If my only memories with them are gambling ones then they no longer have a place in my life because i have made a committment that i no longer gamble. A simple statement mentioned in GA. If i spend long enough in a barbers shop maybe not today maybe not tomorrow but if i continue to stay there one day im going to get a haircut thats for sure

Day 26.

Huge test this afternoon out with my friends who will no doubt be gambling on everything and anything moving , if two flies were on a window they would have a wager which made it to the top first.

These are my best friends but I need to be firm today and say look ive chosen not to gamble dont rub it in my face.

Have a good weekend everyone.

Hi John,

Well done on 26 days, I guess at different times and stages through our recovery, we are going to be tested, recovery can't possibly be 100% proof, no matter how many barriers and blocks we put up,

Enjoy your friends, and have fun, and you will by not gambling, keep firm, strong and win bigger than them, and you will feel great when you get home.

Suzanne xx