NEED PEOPLE... I just need people like you to be there for me right now

Jeez... Great observations from the both of you. Yeah to be fair my parents
took to us to the arcades in great Yarmouth from a very early age. Whole evenings spent in there... Watching them play and playing the arcades... Hmmm...

So you don't think if someone (anyone) gambled enough they would eventually become addicted? In the same way if you smoke enough cigarettes you'll become addicted? (Replace cigarettes with any vice/addictive substance). I get that it could be down to exposure at a developmental stage in life but what about adults and grown ups who haven't been exposed to gambling at an early age? Can they still fall prey to gambling and/or addiction if they expose themselves enough to it that they pass that 'tipping point' of moderated/self-regulated gambling? Or is too late by then and they will always be safe from it? Ultimately the point I'm trying to make here is a worrying sign of the times re exposure to gambling. Bloody adverts, sponsorship, radio shows about odds, bookie on every corner, promos galore, the lotto, scratchies in every petrol garage, fruities in every pub... We are getting to a point where the exposure is no longer governed by choice - cigarette promotion is being regulated more and more tightly year on year... As is alcohol (at a much slower rate) but gambling promotion is on the up and up... And up. I worry about my boy in the future. I really do. When he is of an age I must tell him about my experiences and warn him before gambling tries to take a bite out of him. It breaks my heart to think of those who haven't even grown up fully getting addicted to gambling. I've even heard of new phone games being constructed for future introduction based on adolescent gaming like candy crush, farmville and the like... But they have the added extra of being able to bet money.

Ps - Alan - mate in question has had a gamble here and there but in 'moderation'... Same point above really... If i forced him to gamble day in day out would he eventually fall prey to addiction? Yeah he knows I'm a compulsive gambler now. I told him.

I guess any long term exposure to something addictive could send you over the edge but I still believe there's something genetic in there somewhere that makes us more prone to become an addict , I was also addicted to cigarettes for many years but gave it up over 20 yrs ago but booze and drug's never really interested me to that point , I've also never once gambled online so can't reall explain that lack of interest but l do feel that since I stopped gambling I've become more addicted to work but the fact I'm self employed probably doesn't help and maybe it's trying to earn more to make up for what I'd lost ? but deffo swapped one addiction for another there although it's probably a better one to have ? .

Your mate told you or youv'e seen that he gambles in moderation ? and what did you tell your friend's about your gambling before the sh1 te hit the fan ? LOL , we could go around with this all night to be honest couldn't we :))

All I'm trying to point out is that we allow other's to see what we want them to see and the fact that youv'e seen someone gamble a couple of times and walk away doesn't mean they have no secret addiction , could be gambling , s*x , chocolate or even Gambling while having s*x and eating a Mars bar ................... Sounds like a perfect evening to me to be honest :)) .

Off to bed now mate to see if the mrs is interested in a Wagon wheel :))

Have a good one bud and I'll talk to you soon :))

A 9 wrote:

Your mate told you or youv'e seen that he gambles in moderation ? and what did you tell your friend's about your gambling before the sh1 te hit the fan ? LOL , we could go around with this all night to be honest couldn't we :))

Ha ha you're so right. I told him I like the odd flutter for years before I did my load and came clean. I remember numerous times in the pub sitting there sweating while the game was on then eventually cursing and having to go sit in the cubicle for a while as I'd just done a week's wages in a day... When I returned he would only think I'd lost a few quid... little did he know :o/

I just remembered actually... Years ago he talked about gambling a bit more than usual for about a month or two then suddenly never really mentioned it again, ever. I never really gave that period a second thought... Until now... Interesting...

I realised today what my ego did to me. It befriended me when I was young and impressionable. It made me feel good about myself. It convinced people to run around for me so I didn't have to do the running. It was always there for me over the years... Whenever life was tough it would step in. It inspired me to work harder than anyone else in order to get ahead of everyone else. It encouraged me to dress smart, look good and always reminded me to look after number 1.

Some years later out of the blue it took me down a dark alley and beat the s**t out of me. Left me in pieces.

Why didn't it do me from the outset? Save all that hassle? Well it wanted to build me up and make me feel like I had unparalleled powers before it licked me. So it would hurt more and leave me further to fall. Why? Because the ego is an evil b*****d that's why.

So long spent learning from the ego and in the clutches of the ego. Feel lost without it right now but maybe I'm misinterpreting that 'lost' feeling...
Maybe it is in fact 'freedom'.

Gambling put simply...
Its a lose/lose situation.

If you win some... You'll be back for more at some point.

If you lose some... You'll be back to recoup losses at some point.

For the operators it's a win/win. Whatever the outcome for you - either way you'll be back for more action at some point. And eventually you'll lose and they will gain. All they have to do is engineer the games so there are slightly more losses than payouts and they are in profit. Serious profit on a grand scale.

Only way to win? Accept defeat and walk away for good.

Just read through all the posts in the diary. It’s really impressive how far you have come through this, the change in your mindset has been wonderful to see. It won’t be easy, there will be moments where you revert back to some of the older thinking but inch by inch you will move further away from that mind set. Proud of you bud.

Scotto85g wrote:

Just read through all the posts in the diary. It’s really impressive how far you have come through this, the change in your mindset has been wonderful to see. It won’t be easy, there will be moments where you revert back to some of the older thinking but inch by inch you will move further away from that mind set. Proud of you bud.

Ha... You're more prophetic than you realise buddy. Work was a farce today. Spent the whole day embroiled in arguments and disputes with colleagues over trivial rubbish... I just couldn't keep a lid on it despite my best efforts... I have already been warned about my conduct over the last two months (yes do the math - it adds up) so feelings of powerlessness and helplessness were rife today.

Anyway on thin ice with employer but reached out to some folk at GA and they helped me through. It's amazing how you have all this wisdom on tap when you feel tapped out in that area at any given time. Also I know in another parallel universe without GA - I would have tried to resolve the situation all on my own today, failed... Then gone home and gambled to relieve myself of a s**t day. There you go.

Woke up... Fresh start today.
Had some weird dreams last night.

Was reading some other diaries last night and I think I need a focus... Something to push towards... To take my mind off the regret.

Not paying back the debt though. That won't work for me, that would just encourage me to work way too much. Something more fulfilling...

Good luck all. Just don't gamble :o)

I couldn’t help but read what you first said as ‘you’re more pathetic than you realise buddy’ hehehe. That’s a shame about work, I was very quiet at work when usually energetic and talkative. Colleagues did notice my somber moods. Hope you have a good weekend.

morning mate,

thanks for your post on my diary, as always, good to know someone is listening to my ramblings.

so after reading your last couple of posts about work and your Mrs, reminds a lot of myself and the conclusion I came to was I need a release for all the bad feelings. I was getting stressed at work and moaning at colleague's or I was holding it in and taking it out on my other half or the kids. I found my release in running, it's good for my mind to have time alone to get out all the bad thoughts. it makes me more rational and I come back realising it's not anyone elses fault and that they are not around me to release all of my anger, guilt and regret on.

get yourself a good hobby bud!

have a good Saturday

A

Every time I do something a bit nice for myself or start to enjoy life again I feel guilty and have regrets about losing loads of money. Sucks really...

I hope this passes over time. At a farm today with boy and wife.

Hey mate. I felt guilty for a long time. We aren't used to focusing on anything other than gambling. I found things to feel a bit self indulgent when i first started to treat myself with both time and money but if you wanna be the best you you've gotta work on yourself and treat/value yourself. You're worth it, you've just gotta make that thought feel "normal" and, like all of this it takes time.

Enjoy your weekend.

All the best.

Hi signalman

Go for it you have nothing to lose I promises you, my only regret was I didn’t purchase it earlier.

Shaun

Hey all.

Hope you have good days out there today. I know the weather doesn't helps sometimes, especially when it is drab... But do whatever you need to do to have good day... Even if it is admitting defeat and having a duvet day!

I met a young boy last night who has been having heart surgery. He is a bundle of joy despite the journey he has been on. Real inspiration for me to live in the moment and try to keep giving instead of taking from people. I needed that to be fair. The boy was a real inspiration.

Hey bud, I had to rush out to get some bread as I forgot I had none. Got soaked... but hey it’s very war, rain at least. Hope you have a nice Sunday. Take it easy. Scott