NEED PEOPLE... I just need people like you to be there for me right now

Hey mate, have a lovely day at the farm. Hope you're having a quality family time. It's normal to think about your losses. It's a recurring feeling/thoughts and it's a part of your recovery too. You have a beautiful young family and the whole life is in front of you. No point thinking about the past, it's all about the future. No regrets ( it's difficult not to have regrets but it's all about learning from our mistakes). Keep the blocks in place. Keep the positive attitude. I'm confident that you'll turn it around. Life is good bro. Happy Sunday.

Pras

Thank you all so much for your kind words of support today. They meant a lot to me today. Yesterday and today I have been feeling a bit defeatist and hopeless and needed people like you guys to reach out. I would have never admitted that before. Id be too proud to. Gambling has humbled me to the point where I can communicate the need for help when I need it. That's one positive that's come out of this. I guess it shows I have come a long way.

Thanks to your kind words I feel buoyed and now the people around me today will benefit... Work colleagues, wife, son, parents etc. Thanks again.

Tough day at work yesterday. Had to talk through issues relating to my behaviour and being withdrawn over the last few months. I was feeling petulant about it before and convinced myself I didn't need the job but of course I do and thankfully managed to muster an apology and showed remorse. My work have been supportive and they haven't caused any of the turmoil I am feeling - so if anything I need to remain aware of that at all times when at work.

As I put more days GF behind me I know my ego is also growing and something else I need to be aware of. Urges coming - some strong at times. Despite reminding myself that I will lose everything if I place the next bet the urges remain. It's crazy really. One day at a time really is the focus for me right now.

My boy was sick this morning and instead of being dynamic and sorting things out I got stroppy and started feeling sorry for myself. Before all this I used to respond to situations well and not let things phase me... I used to seize the day and all that. Maybe this is depression or something.

I do know though that I have a lot to be thankful for. I also know it will get easier over time. There is just no 'quick fix' for the situation I'm in - the situation I've created. Writing this makes things easier to cope with as I get perspective. I look forward to the days where I am writing with more optimism and enthusiasm.

I'll ask about a sponsor at my meeting tomorrow.

The first loan payment came out yesterday - maybe that's what is bothering me - just another 59 more to go :oO

Anyway hope everyone has a good day today.

Hey Signal... Good reading your story.

Thanks for sharing, much of what you write resonates with me and it is good to know it is not just me experiencing this. We are the same age, both have families and I owe about £20,000 due to gambling. I have undergone a lightbulb moment recently about my gambling and am focused on stopping.

It is amazing that we know gambling is a losers game, the odds are allways against us. Can you imagine someone saying 'keep giving me £100 cash in an envelope and I will give you and average of £95 back'? We would laugh at them, but as people with a gambling problem that is what we do every time we play a hand or lay a bet. Still getting the urge to do somthing so stupid and illogical has been hard for me to come to terms with.

I know the feelings of guilt and anger. I keep telling myself of what I could have done with the money and time for the people I care about if I had not wasted it gambling. However we can not re-write the past, we can only shape the here and now. You are here confronting your problem and helping others like me so well done.

Hi thesea

Many thanks for your kind words. I wish you all the best on your recovery path. What's amazing about this journey is the people I've met along the way. So many times I've tried to quit gambling on my own and never realised there is a wealth of support out there if you go looking. Everybody wants you to succeed and when the chips are down (I must stop with these gambling puns sorry) they are there to spur you on.

Sounds funny but the older people in my group commend me for reaching out at a relatively young age. I never really thought about that until now. I've only just admitted I've got a problem... I feel so sad for those who have battled their whole lives with gambling and finally admitted defeat later on in life. How life could have been so different for them. However in recovery they will savour the rest of the life they have before them. And that's what I want to do.

The power of GA - you're not supposed to look into the future too much but listening to older people talk about missing whole childhoods of their children due to gambling is like me living my potential future out vicariously through them. And that's give me the strength to see this through NOW.

I try to simplify gambling in my head as complete nonsense to stop me from going back. Eg each bet placed is like someone asking you to stake on 2 eventualities when in fact there are 5 or 6 potentials. Yes you may win occasionally but inevitably you'll lose. Why bother in the first place.

Morning all. 49 days GF today.

I don't feel jubilant. I don't feel eccstatic. I think the realisation of actually what I did is really hitting me now + the long road ahead of me seems daunting. But I want change so I'll keep going.

Days like this you need people. Also need reminders of what happens if you let your guard down. Lucky I have a meeting tonight.

Hi signalman,

Well done on nearly 50 days GF. I hope you get the support you need tonight, and if we can offer any additional comfort or encouragment on the HelpLine or Netline, do contact us. Keep looking forward and keep posting.

Warm regards

Leigh

Forum Admin

You should feel jubilant "S", 50 day's tommorow is no mean feat my friend , when was the last time you didn't gamble for 50 day's ? .

It's the first of many milestones along the way so soak it up and allow it to spur you on and you have to admit it's gone pretty quick ?? well , it has for me anyway :)) .

Enjoy your day buddy and I'll talk to you soon :))

Alan

Thank you all for the support and encouragement.

Hi Aln

Many thanks for your post and appreciate the time taken to offer your insights... I always appreciate hearing from you.

I think you're right about depression and also spot on about the meetings and all the other things they reveal after you succumb to gambling. It's good you got me to question whether I have truly put gambling behind me. Using the group i have pondered on this and conceded that my depression and ego has fuelled my gambling previously and if I don't address the depression my mind will keep telling me to gamble in order to remedy the depression. Although I know that's stupid my mind still tries to play that trick on me.

I had depression in the past and I started going to the gym a few times a week. I was able to control the depression and eventually it subsided. I need to start going back i think... It will definitely help, I know it will. Its finding the time at the moment that's all. However I know you can't put a price on your mental health so I need to make time really. I'm frightened of medication and want to try every possible avenue to control depression before exploring that one.

I think I can continue to abstain from gambling using GA, Gamcare and eventually getting a sponsor. However I think counteracting the depression will be the key to exorcising the urges to gamble in the end.

Mornings have always been tricky for me but since all this happened they are mega tough for me. All signs point to some depression I guess.

Thanks for getting me to confront some important areas of my life today. Thank you.

Hi all

51 days GF today. Feeling quite worn out with all the 'self-discovery'.

Quite worn out yes. I realised today that maybe I have been attacking the recovery process in a sort of compulsive, all-consuming way (in line with my tendencies) - and it's leaving me feeling down at times and overwhelmed. Maybe I'll dedicate time to working on myself in blocks of designated time - like going to the gym or doing the gardening - a few times a week at a rate I can keep up with.

Ultimately I have a wife and child - yes they may be getting a downbeat version of myself lately but that's better than someone who learns too much about himself too quickly and becomes overwhelms, gives up and spends days on end hiding under the bed covers. "clear up a bit of the mess every day" - I think that's what I was told on here at the beginning of my journey and I need to employ that until I feel better within myself and can do more.

Have a good day all.

Signalman.
Is a trait of gambling addiction the desire to have it now.
When active I couldn't give a hoot about tomorrow, in fact towards the end of my gambling life I often wished tomorrow wouldn't come.
Recovery is a life choice or re(dis) covery as I believe it better put.
You are not going to fix everything today, yes at times I get frustrated at the lack of progress in my own eyes but I understand better that I am changing not digressing.
I have depression, I have had it as long as I can remember, I may well have had it all my life but will only remember back as far as I can.
Depression is an illness, today I accept it and have had help living with it. There is no shame in that, the shame would come if I stopped taking the help.
I will end with this, words a friend used to say a lot.
Keep on keeping on.
You are making a profound choice.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thanks dunc. I've been chatting to someone today and if happiness was a scale I am most dangerous in the 10 zone. Also if I isolate and keep everything in I end up in a low zone... A very low zone... 4-6 works for me. For now anyway.

I envy those at group who are walking on clouds... In the 10 zone. I tell myself I need to be there... I need to work towards that. But as youve reminded me I am who I am... If I try to live in someone else's shoes they may not fit and I'll fall over. Thank you.

Strive for progress not for perfection.

A 10 is a fallacy of an addict - Strive for a five will suffice.