This is my first post and it's taken quite a lot for me emotionally to start my Recovery Diary. I've been reading posts on here for a few months now and I wish I had started my diary back then.
I have lost SO much to gambling - tens of thousands of pounds - and I'm in a lot of debt. I feel sick thinking about it. I started off doing xxx and then placed the odd xxx - and got a bit of an adrenaline rush - and then wanted more of a rush I suppose - so bet more. I won quite a few sports bets, and the more I won, the more I bet. I got into xxx at one point and then started doing 'casino offers' and got very hooked on online casinos. It's incredibly scary how quickly gambling took a hold of me. I suppose it built up gradually; it didn't happen overnight of course, but once it got me; it sadly became extremely difficult to stop. I won £xx last September on a £x bet and I then lost most of it. I remember thinking I'll get to £xx and then withdraw the money, but I didn't reach £xx and before I knew it my balance was down to £xx, which I then withdrew.
I set up a DMP a few months ago and I am determined now to get the debt paid back as quickly as possible. I left my contracting job and took a more 'secure' job at the start of the year, however, my wages were half of what they were beforehand and I still had debts - hence having to set up a DMP. I've now gone back to contracting to pay my debt off as qucikly as possible. I really wasn't thinking clearly for most of 2018 and made some very silly decisions. I would put a lot of my bad decisions down to gambling and the effect that it was having on my brain. I was actually in a very good financial position at the start of last year, but things gradually got worse as I kept gambling and I've ended up in a very bad place - both financially and emotionally.
Gambling really has wrecked my life for the short to medium-term. I'm very determined not to let it take away more than it already has! It has already taken away so, so much! Everything I've worked for over the last 5 years and more. It's taken away my pride, self-esteem, and self-confidence. It's left me depressed and anxious facing an uncertain future as well as the chance to get onto the property ladder - well for now anyway.
Luckily my husband and my family have been very supportive - more than I would have ever expected them to be - and I feel so guilty and shameful that I'm in the situation I'm in when they have only ever been there for me and I feel like I've really hurt them and let them down so badly. I'm going to remain gamble free for them as much as for myself. I just wish I could click my fingers and go back to early last year, but I know that thinking back to the past will not help and it will only make my current situation feel even worse - if that's possible. I need to focus on the present and the future and try to repair my life one day at a time!
I know it's not going to be easy but I'm determined to beat this addiction and to NEVER EVER gamble again. I have truthfully relapsed a few times and I'll be signing up to Gamban as soon as my 'winnings' come through from my last gambling session. I'm so sick of gambling and the destruction it causes. I wish the government would ban online gambling completely - especially online casinos. I really think that Gambling Addiction in every country is going to grow over time and more action needs to be taken. The problem is that the government makes so much in taxes from gambling and it will continue to so there is very little chance of them doing anything about it. It makes me very sad and makes me feel even more determined to never go back again!
Please give me some tips to control the urges from those that have managed to remain gamble free for some time now. I realise that keeping busy, exercising etc are very good ways to stay away from it - as is signing up to Gamban which I will do as soon as possible. Any other tips would be greatly appreciated.
Many thanks and I wish you all luck in overcoming this awful affliction! It is such a soul-destroying, disgusting activity and no good can come out of it - neither short-term nor long-term! I just wish I had learned this much earlier on!
Thanks for taking the time to read my story and all the best for a gamble free future!
Julia
Julia welcome.youre story is familiar one to many so theres lots of advice around on this forum go read some diaries to help you.
The money is gone, don't look back, you have your family to support which believe me will be a massive help.
You have the right attitude, get the blocks in place, hand over in the short term your finances to family members, cut off the beasts head and make sure you can't gamble even when you get the urge.
Then plan your days and nights , realise this is for life, go rebuild it.
Go get that future back.Stick around here, it helps.
Good luck
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