new beginning

Sounds more like a split decision there Toad. So feel proud that you and your gambling nemesis both raise there arms in victoy.

Had to switch to south paw myself toad, but do whats best for you and i wish you well either way

Lots of things I could say here but reviewing your diary I feel quite sad.

I just want to give you one more piece of advice to consider whilst you are away. Accept its YOU who is a CG and not "the toad".

When you are ready to come back mate, come back and tell us how you feel and don't hide behind "the toad" - he is not another person - he is YOU.

Using words like "I", "me" and "my" really help you own and face the challenges.

My name is Scott and I am a compulsive gambler who hasn't gambled for 232 days.

Sorry to see you still in the grip, I can read that YOU still want to gamble,

Take care and keep safe whatever you decide, your diary will always be here for when you want/need it.

Suzanne x

Bye Toad (sad face). I for one will miss your humour but absolutely understand your decision and wish you the best of luck in beating your arch nemisis.

Twinklyr

Day 1

The bell rings for round 2.
Toad comes out fast. Working the jab keeping Tommy turfs back.
Tommy turfs comes forward and hits Toad with a powerfull hook .......toad is on the canvas motionless.

1...2....3...4...5..6...7...8..9...

Toad hasn't moved.

10. It's a knockout. Toad has been knocked out.

So I am back as Paul. Toad is no more. I am back as Paul after a hell of a day yesterday.

I told the wife i had been gambling again. then went to the gym. Half expecting my bags packed when I got home. We are still together-just.

So even though i have not been tempted to borrow from credit cards, payday loans and loans i managed to increase my overdraft to 1k.

I got a ВЈ180 refund from o2. So the way i look at it we are £800 down.

I am doing all overtime i can to repay wife. My wife will be clearing my overdraft with our money.

Action i am taking:-

1) new bank account with no overdraft facility

2) self exclude from all bookies in town i work.

3) get appointment with counselor.

So i am pretty annoyed from owing nothing to owing 1k.
You can see what will happen if i stay on this destructive path.

Toad is now gone. Toad is in a fish bowl and it is now me sticking my tongue out taunting toad. I'm glad toad got knocked out. He was arrogant, angry, confrontational cocky and stupid. Toad never acted on good advice or ever wanted to quit gambling.

So it's me, Paul. I am 40 and a CG. I have gambled since i was 27.
I have suffered with gambling and i now want to stop for good.

Thankyou for listening and I wish you well in your recovery.

Paul.

Welcome to recovery Paul. Sounds like you have a good plan and be assured it can be done. Have a good day.

Good morning and welcome back Paul.

Sounds like a plan is in place which is good news. Time to enter the new phase in your life and I wish you well. One day at a time.

Best wishes

Thankyou sbissstopping and Balvaird,

Thankyou for the nice comments. I do feel a bit stunned today after yesterday. But it's a wake up call. I got complacent.

Paul.

Hi everyone,

Good news. I opened an account without an overdraft facility. Another barrier up. Now to get photos so i can self exclude from all bookies were i work.

Paul.

Good morning Paul and welcome back to recovery , I look forward to posting to you in the future .

Well done on facing the demon's head on !

Best wishes Alan

Welcome to this forum Paul...

The penny finally starts on the descent for all of us eventually.

Truthfully, your past life struck a chord with me as was the way I started my early gamcare life.

I think we all need a mixture of humour, honesty and humility in tackling the S****e what's held us back in the form of gambling.

I think it's always going to P***s ne off in a fashion that I've burnt my bridge as far as gambling concerned..... but hai Ho.

You'll see a lot of people trying on this forum, alot you'll disagree with, but some you'll relate to... One man's poison is another man's. ... you get my drift.

As a fellow Paul, I wish you well.

Thankyou Alan and Volcano,

I really appreciate your comments at this time as I feel quite fragile.
I am just going to be me. I'm not the worst person but I have realised I can't go on any longer with this. I have been here so many times.

I guess deep down my confidence isn't great. I think my nerves aren't great either and it's the side affects of gambling over the years. I'm on beta blockers and anti- depressants. I didn't think i was depressed but since taking this medication i feel really happy. I also go to the gym and run. I have not drank alcohol this year aswell.

So here I am. I am going to give it everything now.

Thankyou for listening.

Paul.

Hi Paul, welcome back, having no overdraft limit, is a really good tool for me, because I can't get into debt with this bank. and it does work, no point in me having an overdraft when I don't leave my hard earned in it, I can move my wages, but the overdraft would still be sitting there.(one of the best things I did was to open a new bank account with no overdraft facility)

Well done for coming back in a different frame of mind, (and name lol) small changes already, very positive I would say.

This is an horrendous ridiculous addiction, but we are all here, working on our own individual recoveries, and yours will be just as individual to you., Do what you think is the best way forward for you,

Wish you the very best on your continuing journey

Keep strong and stay focused.and win today.

Suzanne xxx

Hello Suzanne I wished,

Thankyou for your comments. I was on the phone 30 minutes trying to get the basic account with no overdraft facility. Then i was told just a minute to see if you are accepted. I was worried i need this accepted im a CG. The relief i got when i was accepted.it's good to know suzanne it worked for you so i'm optimistic.

Just texted the counselor to organise a meeting.

Paul

Day 2

Good morning everyone,

You might find I'm not telling as many jokes at the minute. I'm still feeling a bit subdued. Anyway no point feeling sad. In the words of Phil Coultar ' what's done is done, what's lost is lost and gone forever'

Time to move on.......

What I have learned from this experience is that I can't be trusted with large sums of money. So the wife will continue the rest of this year managing our finances. This has been an excellent barrier.

I am still very happy i have a new basic current account without an overdraft facility. My wages and rent income hit my account next week. Then i close my other account. Then i have to ensure my wages go into my wifes account.

Once I clear my overdraft I will be debt free. This time I want to stay that way. I have had enough. It feels terrible when you owe money. I had already cleared my debt. Gambling just brings misery and debt.

Hope you all have a gamble free day.

Paul.