new beginning

Well done on 2 days, Keep strong.

Suzanne xxx

Day 3

Morning All,

On the bus heading to work. The money I make today will help pay for recent losses. It just makes me more determined to quit.

My new bank account and card arrives next week. I will get photos to self exclude.

One thing I need to admit is i am a gambling addict!!

My wife wanted me to tell my mum and dad about my gambling i just can't do it. My mum is 67 and dad 72. I can't worry them at their time of life. So tonight my wife wants us to have a chat about things and not to worry.
This really could be my last chance.

I can't go through the feeling of loss again after gambling. I was starting to feel really happy again and then gambling bites and takes that away.

The only good thing i can report is that i am not tempted to borrow from payday loans or credit cards. I did use my overdraft which is similiar but this new basic account i'm getting has no overdraft facility.

It's true the triangle Time-Money-location does work!

Anyway i have chatted enough. Thankyou for reading and all the best in your recovery.

Paul.

Morning Paul - you sound like you are in a different frame of mind this morning and are starting to put some barriers in place. i hope you are able to stay strong today and stay away from that bookies. Go for a walk in the opposite direction. All the best to you for today - wcid

Hello WCID,

Thankyou for your comments. Yeah I'm still feeling upset after recent losses. I Have an appointment with the counselor in March.

I'm doing overtime today and we can't leave the building. So no bookies today. I have £5 in aswell.

Toad is gone but some day Toad may return. Toad will return a happier toad with a hop.

But for now I am Paul.

Thankyou for listening.
Paul.

Here, here, i like this Paul chap, but can see the honesty in your posts that your hop is well within you.

Its a biectch that you have to wait to March for downloading a bit to a coucillor, but thats where the patience comes into it. I can read between the lines that you've got a good, wise Mrs Toad in your corner, this tells me that there must a good, wise Paul.

I hear what your saying regards telling your folks, with me i told the 74 young old man a couple of years ago but didnt feel the need to tell the old girl. So it was a need for clarification to one side of the clear headed coin (dad) and a no need to add confusion to the not so clear headed other side of the coin (mum).

I think your day at work goes in somewhat to your resolve, in reminding that your really working for the 'charity' turf. It is a bit of a f****r realising that we've burnt that particular bridge but hai ho the sun shines brighter else where...

Hello and thankyou Volcano,

You wrote a very good post. It is awfull being in overtime working for the turfs. I will give my wife the overtime money. My wife has been very very supportive and I am sad she has been put through alot. I have a chance to change. She wants to talk tonight to me so hopefully it will help.

I must read your diary Volcano and thanks again for your positive post. Positivity is important in recovery as well as will power.

Paul.

Good afternoon Paul I mirror the above post ,this new Paul fella is a much more focused , positive person who's facing up to what he needs to achieve to stay gamble free !

What we do here is not an easy journey for us and unlike your'e alter ego who's post were honest you were not being honest with Paul , that's now changed my friend and I'm so glad for you !.

Take care Paul and stay positive !

Best wishes Alan

Hello Alan,

Thankyou for your post. I'm on my way home on the bus. No gambling today. The wife is chatting to me later.

The reason I said I was a gambling addict is because it sounds worse than a compulsive gambler. But it's what I am

Alan you are right I need to be me. We are all on here and do need to support each other.

It's only the start of 2016. Still time for me to change.

Thankyou Alan for your advice. Good luck in your recovery.

Paul.

Hi Paul,

Am pleased to see you staying strong and now realising that there is no win in any way with this addiction.the only way we win is simply to choose NO, ( yes easier said than done) but I do believe you have turned a corner with yourself, and I do believe it is a very positive one for you,

Keep pushing through and keep safe

Suzanne xxx

Hi Paul, pleased to hear everything is going well. Hope the chat with your wife tonight gives you further clarity of the way forward - keep fighting one day at a time and it does get easier.

With regard to the photos, why not get Mrs Paul to take them tonight on a phone and print them off at home. In a previous post I suggested a way of self excluding by writing to the bookies. Doing this in front of Mrs Paul might help her see how hard you are prepared to try.

Just a thought...

All the best.

Hello Paul

It takes courage to face up to your problems, self-exclude and seek counselling.

Well done Paul.

The point of my previous post was that you needed to rethink things and that it was difficult to take you seriously when you didn't seem to take yourself seriously.

My only issue with the Toad gimmick was that it wasn't working for you. Genuine comments were treated with deliberate defiance and when you didn't get attention you seemed to seek it with purposeful provocation.

Paul, you seem to have made more progress in a few days than Toad ever did.

Credit where credit is due.

Wish you well tonight and beyond.

Glint

Glad to see you back and posting Paul,...changes are necessary and looks like you are making the right ones to aid in your recovery ahead.

Wish you well, take it steady..it's not a race

S x

sorry i was having a read of this scrolling down and i accidently clicked a post as abusive, hate touch screen!

Day 5

You are fine lilly1.

Good morning everyone. Going to be another gamble free day. I have no urges at present.

Nothing to report. Although down at parents yesterday and we both agreed not to tell them about my gambling.

Time to wise up me thinks. I don't want to end up like Toad knocked out. I am working too hard to throw the money away.

Good luck everyone in your recovery.

Paul.

Day1.

I lasted 5 days! Nothing to add.

Traps broke at swindon so the 12.12 was delayed. What a joke ! Even bigger joke i was in there...

Paul.