new beginning

Hai Paul,

Good post and it is all gambling related. Better out than in they say, which is usually dropping one but also purging our own life's dramas.

I think this stiff upper lip bravado S****e is what drags us into addictions in the first place, so finding away in releasing it is a key in stearing clear of our ' f**k it ' escape thoughts.

Stewing on things as with your hols experience is some thing I know too well, and something I struggle with..... but in reality it's a smoke screen for the real stress your fealing, my humble anyway. .. There's anothet mirror going on here with regard to your father - in - law, it happened to me also and I had a similar reaction years back. But in the short and curls, he's looking out for his daughter, just as your looking out for your Mrs. If viewing chills her, it may be good......

Anyway, purge your S****e on here . It's cyber space.....

ps..... you reminded me on a thought, regarding your hols with your mates. A few years back, I went away with someone I had ' known ' 25 years. It was a long trip, we were going on and then after a few days I realised that I really don't like him...... that was the end of that.. hai Ho

Hello Volcano,

That was a sound post and great advice. Very much appreciated.
I really hate conflict you know.

When i was 21 i was at university. I was making tea in the kitchen and a student had a row with me. I told him he could hit me first. I slipped to the side and hit him right left and uppercut. He fell to the ground. I let him up and hit him the same 3 punches. This time he was knocked out. My friend slapped his face. What have you done ?

He did come around but i felt terrible about myself. I stayed in my room that night. It was only later i found out he was drunk. Why did i not walk away?

That day i vowed never to hit a man again. I am coming 41 this month. That was 20 years ago and i never did fight again.

Anyway back to gambling. I agree with what you said about the father in law. I just thought he could have let me in on it lol. It's like he's picking were i'm going to live.

Thanks again Volcano and i am sad to hear of your friend of 25 years. It just shows it takes a long time to know somebody.

You have a wise head Volcano.
Paul

Hi Paul , look fella we fight against things all our lives , be it life in general, bullies and now we fight our addiction , none of them any easier than the other . Sad , fed up, angry are all emotions we close off by gambling , congratulations my friend as your now facing those emotions and learning to deal with them one day at a time , tommorows another day ? .

Sending you respect my friend ........................................ Alan

Thankyou Alan.

You are a gentleman and you help so many people on Gamcare. It's a credit to you.

Paul.

Morning All,

Just up and had breakfast. Scrambled egg and toast. My car is going through MOT this morning.

Then i'm doing a half day and heading down to visit my parents.

I viewed a house last night and we really liked it. I need to enquire today to see about mortgage etc.

I'm in better form today. Not as grumpy as yesterday 🙂

Have a great day folks,

Paul

Morning All,

How is everyone keeping? I am good. No gambling recently. I had urges yesterday but did not follow them through.

I came home early last week and the wife said i have seen a house. I was not actively looking. I believe her dad had sent a picture of the house to my wife.

We viewed the house and it was nice. I am going back with the wife and parents to look at it tonight. The house is a street away from the inlaws although i don't think thats a real problem.

Here's my worry. I'm 41 and the mortgage is over 25 years. That would mean retiring at 66. I'd planned for 60. The thought of working another 25 years is scary lol.

I have alot to think about. I need to make the right decision for me too. I get the feeling my wife and parents are on a wave and i'm getting carried away on it.

More of lifes stresses but i won't gamble today.

Good luck everyone.
Paul.

Hi, Paul,

Mortgages and one day at a time don't really go together. Be very careful that the decisions you make are right for you, don't get carried on that wave.

We had a mortgage on our flat in the early days when my husband could "afford" to gamble. But when I wanted to upgrade to a house with a garden for the kids, he wouldn't let us take on the required mortgage, he convinced me that it would be too much of a stretch, his job wasn't that stable, twenty five reasons. Actually it was because he didn't want his bank statements exposed. But the (smaller) roof over our heads is secure, and for that I am eternally grateful. And it's in my name.

BW,

CW

Thankyou Deano and cynical wife,

I really appreciate your input. The one thing i have accepted is that i can't manage money with my gambling and my wife will manage all finances long -term.

I wouldn't be moving anywhere if i managed my finances.

Looking at the property tonight.

I will think long and hard.

Paul

Hi folks,

I'm having the day from hell and for once it doesn't involve gambling.

I looked at the finances regarding the new house and it does not look good. I was told by my wife that i have destroyed her dreams because i don't want the house.

My father in law has talked to my wife about remortgaging his house to pay deposit.Apparently he told my wife you don't need me.

I fear for our marriage. I feel so stressed. Please god help me. For once i don't care for gambling today.

Paul.

Hi Paul , Sorry things aren't going well , looking at it through my eyes it's not that you don't want the house but more about being able to afford it ? So have you spoken to your wife putting that forward as the reason , surely she must see that eigther its doable or not by the figures ?, it's prob not helping matters that your father in law is jumping in but he's going to be looking after his daughters feelings rather than your's and that's something you really need to discuss with him , your wife or both .

You can only do what you can do paul and no more so lots of talking I would think is the best way forward ?

Sorry I can't be more help my friend but always about for a chat and I wish you well .

Stay positive my friend ...........................Alan

Sorry it's so hard, Paul, but better to face reality and if the figures don't add up (your call) then don't do it. If you commit to what you can't afford, the house could be lost further down the line. Lenders aren't known for their charitable approach to arrears.

It may well be the case that the gambling has affected the choice of housing, as I said before, it did for us. It arises occasionally when we feel squashed but in the main we barely notice it. But your situation is what it is, count what blessings you do have and focus on overcoming the addiction.

Wish you well,

CW

Hello All,

Thankyou Alan and cynical wife for your good advice i really appreciate it.

Yesterday was awful. Today is a new day.

Take one day at a time and keep smiling.

Paul.

Morning toad.

I pondered your posts yesterday and will reply accordingly, you wrote you were having a terrible day but nothing to do with gambling, fella I believe it's everything to do with gambling.

Does the father in law know about your addiction?

If so I believe his own actions are the reaction to that knowledge. To my mind he will be thinking that to get your commitment to a new purchase will put your life in order.

I will share this.

I am 41 years old, we live on the left hand side of portsdown h#ill without doubt if I had not fed addiction relentlessly for twenty years we would live on the right hand side in a big house with all the bells and whistles.

That cuts deep, my wife accepts the truth, she has offered great forgiveness, something ironically if on the other boot I am not sure I could have done, that cuts deep too.

I look at it from two angles

First I am a recovering compulsive gambler,I have walked in those shoes,I have ruined dreams, fed them into a machine, equally I have found recovery and the want to make amends,to live an enjoyable life, one with honesty and an overwhelming desire to share.FFrom that I have found forgiveness towards myself, I no longer wish to punish myself.

Secondly I am the father of a 20 year old daughter, she is the apple of my eye, I will want the best for her,I will judge her suitors harshly, because toad that I believe is what father's do.

Fella my advice is simple

Talk honestly to the man,take him for a pint and be honest.

My father in law has had more than one reason in the twenty three years to gift me a slap or two, but through my honesty he sees the unconditional love I have for his daughter.

For that alone I know I have earned his respect.

I hope that you find a path to tread in equalibrium with your own wife.

Lastly 5years extra graft sounds like the price of feeding addiction, in my mind a good place to start.

I wish you well.

Abstain and,maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi paul , just popped by to see if your ok , hope everythings been a little better today ?.

Take care fella !

Hello Duncan and Alan and readers,

I wasn't great in work yesterday and that was after taking Tuesday as sick. So i booked today and tomorrow as leave.

I was so nervous in work yesterday all day. You know what. I blame gambling. In fact i blame everything on gambling. My mental state is unsteady. I didn't even gamble yesterday but the way i feel is because of gambling. Then damm turfs. Duncan is right it's all about gambling.

My mental state is dire. I have put 2 black bags of clothes in my car. I don't know whether to run away for a few days. I blame gambling.

I have caused my wife stresses i blame gambling. Above all i blame myself for starting to gamble 14 years ago. I used to frown on the bookies. They are laughing at me and rightly so.

Sorry for the negative post-i blame gambling and myself.

I blame gambling.
I blame gambling.
I blame gambling.

Paul