new beginning

That's good to read Paul.

Take it easy and get back to a safe place

Toad, please read you diary from day 1 and consider what has really changed!

Hello sbisstopping,

We could all be negative but would that help? I'm on here trying. Yes my diary hasn't been the perfect one but i won't be reading it again. Toad is moving forward , not backwards. I don't want to read the past.

Toad can't change the past.
Toad moves forward and sees a bright future. A pond like paradise. Safe on his lilly pad living a happier life.

Stay positive.
Toad.

Reading your diary in full might HELP you to move forward to a better life.

Hello Cynical life,

I use my diary to help me in the present.

You cannot change the past but we can change the future. Toad.

Toad.

Your right Paul....we CANT change the past....but we CAN change our futures by LEARNING from our past....and we can make out futures a wonderfull place for ourselfs and our families if we CHANGE the things we have got wrong..remember....sandwiches...and NO CASH !. ..good luck for day one...x

Hi loxxie and cynical wife,

I do get what you mean. It makes sense.

Okay for today.
I have £10

£1 - I bought raspberry ruffles for the lady in work that give me the tuna lunch when i was starving after gambling my lunch money the other day.

I have £3 for cancer charity.

£6 for a hot meal.

£0 for the greedy bookies.

That's the plan for today and i guess £10 is too much for a compulsive gambler. Tomorrow i will bring less.

Thankyou
Toad

Update 8.04am

I bought the ruffles and give £3 to my work colleague. Sadly 2 staff from my work have cancer.

Toad

If only you would reread your diary, you might just see a pattern.

Cash equals turfs, contrary intentions melt away.

Paul, you make the decision to bet at the point when you leave the house with cash. Once you've done that, the outcome is inevitable.

CW

Paul , that's a valid point made by CW , When gambling I'd always leave the house with far more than I needed , I'd pop into town to buy something or other but would take extra cash as a " Just in case " fund , walking to those shops my mind would then start to say " I'll just pop in the bookies and see whos there or I'll just check some results " but I 'd already made that decision to gamble before I'd set foot in the place .

Time away from gambling has allowed me to see that now , youv'e not gifted that opportunity to yourself for long enough to see what your repeating on an almost daily basis , as I've said before Paul if you want to carry on having a few quid here and there then knock yourself out but please just stop going through the motions and beatingf yourself up everyday !.

All the best fella !

Hi All,

My previous boss who had cancer died this morning. Everyone in the office has been in tears. Only 60.

It's been a tough day. I got £10 wired to my account for two stiff drinks after work.

Not a great day. Gambling is the last thing on my mind.

Toad.

Sorry to hear that Paul .

Best wishes

Alan

Sorry to hear that Paul .

Best wishes

Alan

I'm sorry to hear that x

Why does reading your diary again have to be a negative? Like everyone, there have been challenges and great successes - re- reading your diary will help you understand your triggers to gamble and actions to stop. Like everyone else who offers their support Paul, I just want to remind you of the tools you have and the great feelings you have had when you are gamble free. Keep safe!

Paul - my previous post was written as you updated your diary. Sorry to hear your news.