NEW DAWN , NEW DAY , FEELING GOOD !

I see you are all packed and have tidied up for the burglars but don't forget to put your decoy cups out.

Fank you for popping in to wish me well on my days gamble free....you Mr fish were the 3rd poster in my melt down when I arrived here....and have walked with me daily......just knowing your here makes me feel like my big brothers got my back !
Will be Thinking of you over the next few days. ...go chill. ..relax...enjoy...stand tall...your a cracker mr fish ....and if I was your daughter id be soooooo proud to say..." that's my dad "
Mwahhhhhh

Thanks Martin , Deano and luverly Loxxie for your kind words ( Decoy cup's Martin ? only in the bleedin North West ) :))

Nearly midnight , the packings done , the house is clean , the dogs have gone of for their holibobs , and the fosterkids have gone on a big adventure to stay with some other fosterparents , it's only about 20 minutes from where we are but because they've got a massive splashpool is wonderfull and exciting so the house is a bit quieter than normal :)).

Think I'm gonna find it easier to give my daughter away than leave my dog behind ( only kidding ) , anyway I couldn't run off without saying a big thank you to all on here that have got me to this point in my life , considering where I was emotionally and financially this time last year I'm worlds apart .

I can remember back in late August last year , sitting in my daughter and her partners garden at her 30th birthday thinking of nothing else than ending it all , I'd even googled painless ways to die ( sounds awfull just writing that down now ) but that's how low I'd become , nowhere to turn and my head all over the place racing at a millon miles an hour trying still to figure out how the hell I was going to get out of the sh'itty mess I'd made of everything ? .

The best decision I ever made was admitting all to my loved ones after logging on here for the first time , it simply allowed me the freedom to move on from the dark place I'd been living ( if you can call it living ) Existing then would be a better word ?.

No more lies and deceit to myself or those I loved , instead just honesty and transparency and all acheived by one decision to stop gambling for good , the good people on here gave me advce , some I accepted and liked , some I didn't like at all but in hindsight most of the advice I argued against was sound it was just my addicted brain ( thanks Dan ) that didn't like it at all .

Tonight I sit here a few days away from my daughters wedding , a place that back last year I really didn't think I'd be around to see , just offering my thanks to all those people , the one's I got along with and the one's I didn't for just getting me here because without the Good , the Bad and the downright Ugly posts I received I don't think that I'd be getting on a plane some 11 months later , not having gambled once to proudly walk my beautifull daughter down the aisle on wednesday , so a huge shout out to all the posse Deano, Loxxie , kelly , Bal , LB and even Dan for keeping it real :)) ( sorry if I missed anyone ) I haven't high fived for a while, but I'm sending one out to you all now but a special mention to my old Bud , Sir Martyn of Oldham , who told me early on as we started together that I'd get to walk my daughter gamble free down the aisle and be a proud man , so thank you Martin for keeping the faith my friend .

Take care guys and I'll have a catch up with some juicy gossip on the flip flop :))

My name is Alan and I'm a Compulsive Gambler

xx

Morning diary , well this is it the days arrived where at 330 I give my daughter away , just finished breakfast on the terrace overlooking lake Como and its s stunning view that 12 months ago I wouldn't have dreamed I be witnessing . My daughters just left with her bridesmaids for their makeovers at the old Italian Castle where their getting married later . So I'm gonna rehearse the dreaded speech a couple of more times , then off for a swim in the pool before getting suited and booted before my son and I leave for the church at 1.30 :)) . A couple of dramas on the first day but I'll fill you in later , apart from that alls good with the world I'm in . Speak to you soon diary . Love to all in recovery. Xx

Morning Bud,

You probably won’t see this till you get back to these shores but just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you on this special day. Walk down that aisle a proud man today, head held high, chest out and let their only be tears of joy.

I’m proud of you and will raise a glass tonight to celebrate for both you and your daughter as after all it's A New Beginning for both of you.

Morning Alan,

Have a fab day and the speech will go fab I'm sure. As oldham said you walk down that aisle with your head held high. No longer do you have to hide away as you have embraced recovery and all its benefits.

Now give em hell on that speech but no too many jokes.

Bal

Enjoy the day Uncle George. You've got a big heart and today it must be be bursting with pride. Pride in your recovery, pride in your family and pride in how you're living your life. Sending love and a sprinkling of cyber confetti to you and yours.

LB x

So very proud to be witnessing this Pops 🙂

Don't forget your hanky, I have a feeling you're going to need it 😉

Ciao

Ooh...have been thinking about you....
Have a wonderfull proud time ....enjoy every moment ...
Can't wait to hear all about it x

Hope you have a wonderful day alan, like martin said, be very proud and hold your head up high.

Looking forward to hearing how it all went when youre back!

Sounds fabulous Alan. Better than the thuderstorms and rain we have here at the moment.

Hope you soak it all up, enjoy every minute of it (well except the speech) and know that your daughter will probably be as proud of you today as you are of her.

Best wishes!

Enjoy your day Al!!!

Don't b ashamed of a tear or two leaving the safety of your eyes...they are full of pride and joy & you definitely deserve the peace and happiness on this amazing day!

Be proud as everyone around ypu is equally proud of you! ☺

S x

Buongiorno dear diary .

Lots to say today but firstly thank you to Martin , Bal, LB,Kelly,Loxxie , Ben , Tommy and Sandra :)) , It meant so much to me last Wednesday to get all your good wishes for the day and just to let you know I carried them with as I walked my daughter to her new husband xx.

Wow !!!!!! What a mixed bag of happenings and emotions over the last 5 days .

The morning we arrived at the airport , I was greeted by my daughters chief Bridesmaid and taken to one side and informed that the grooms parents who'd travelled up to the airport the day before weren't going as his mum had suffered a massive panic attack (OMFG) , not about the flight but the whole wedding in general .

So they'd headed back home to see their GP but on the way stopped at an A&E who gave her a full onceover and gave her an injection to calm her anxiety and some Diazapan to help her along . So we arrived minus both of them and procceded to hold what can only be described as a " Very Messy" Hag do at a Lakeside bar where we'd organised food for the evening and where my Bar bill ended up just under a grand :(( ( Dad's wallet was groaning already ) , my daughter although worse for wear faired much better than My soon to be son in law , who I can only describe as ( barely having a pulse ) and who we all had to carry up a hill to our Hotel .

You can picture the scene by the pool the next day , Umm , not pretty at all , but later that day we we're greeted with the news that the grooms parents had got on a flight to join us :)).

The next day ( Wedding day ) was stunning , my daughter the evening before had left presents along with a card for the wedding morning , she's bought me a watch with on the reverse engraved the words " your little girl always " a Hanky for my top pocket embroidered with the words " You were the first man I ever loved , thank you for being by my side today " by which time I was a burrballing mess and no way could I open her card until after the service . Anyway the sun shone it's brightest smile and the setting at the Castle for the ceremony was absolutely breathtaking , I arrived along with my son about an hour before the rest of the guests where I witnessed my beautifull Daughter in her wedding dress for the first time and she truly took my breath away , that was it then , I was off and the emotions started , I hugged her and told her how beautifull she looked , I cried , she cried and then she shouted " Don't look at me Dad " as we we're trying both not to cry and then both ended up laughing at ourselves .

The Ceremony was beautiful , with the Mayor in attendance and a translator at her side and sounded so much more romantic when spoken in Italian , I was on my daughters right and my son was on his sisters left as we led my beautiful daughter to her new husband and even my non emotional son had tears rolling down his face , I stopped and gave my little girl a wink as I gave her away and took my seat a couple of feet away along with my partner , who had the title " Honorary mother of the bride " at her place setting :)).

Lots of photos followed , taken by your typical Italian photographer , crumpled designer jacket , loosly worn tie and shirt , shorts and a little pair of Italian leather ankle boots , who TBH did get me worried , one for the way he took a keen interest in my son ,who he kept calling his assistant ( must be my sons art uni background ) although my son didn't wanty to be alone with him and would only help if someone else was present LOL ! , the second point that worried me was the way he wanted my daughter to pose for photos , shouting commands such as " No No !! " " Yuuuu Dann't Laaaave Heeem " because she was smiling too much for his liking , my daughter informed him that as they'd just been wed She did indeed " Laaaave Heeem " but despite the whole lost in translation bit the photos do look good :)).

Speeches went stunningly , again with humor and emotion but the Groom , his best man and I , all decided when we felt ourselves going we'd just say " Cheers or Salut " have a drink and carry on ( as you can imagine we we're quite p1ssed by the meal arrived ) , lots of merryment followed , wine food , more wine , more wine and then more wine followed by more food and wine by which time my Dad dancing shoes were on and I was back in 1982 and there's a lot of photos out there to prove it !!.

My daughter threw her bouquet aimed in my partners direction, my partner tried to catch it at least 3 times until they all moved away until she got it ( well what was left of it ) on the forth attempt , I approached her got down on one knee just as she said " Don't you dare " I looked up and said " Just doing my shoelace love " and laughed but everyone knows its gonna happen soon :)).

Recovery day thursday , beautiufull 38 degrees where we took boats out on the lake and swam for a couple of hours , out for a meal that night where we spot Paul young ( 80s singer ) sat at a table with his Family , massive storm that night over the lake , we lost power in the hotel , one of the kids rooms was flooded and a big glass door nearly blown off its hinges by the wind .

Were all at breakfast the following morning as My son in laws brother had to leave for the states where he lives and works with his American partner , they had to set off early as they fly out of Venice which was 2 hours away , because of the storm they missed their flight had to wait another 24 hrs tio get another then learn she had her Credit card cloned a few days earlier ? .

At breakfast we also learn't of the plane crash at Bergamo , which we were due to fly out of later that day , a few worried looking relatives around but me being a CG new all about odds and statistics , so thought " what's the chances of that happening again " ? .

Arrived at the airport a bit late as the plane was still lying accross the road when we arrived , we came to the turn off at the airport where our driver asked a policewoman if he could go down the road ? we were wetting ourselves on the coach because we imagined the conversation went a bit like " Isa dera chanca mea gonna tooda airoporta " ? " No cozza dersa airoplana inda roada " LOL ! .

At the airport , who's checking in for the flight ? Paul young and he's only sat in front of me , quite weird really seeing someone who you'd seen on TOTP as a youngen , so there he is wearing a straw trilby and there I am with my sense of humor all the way home , fighting with myself not to go up to him and say something along the lines of " So Paul , wherever you lay that hat is that your home " ( how many times must he have heard that ) ? and also when his family went past me to use the loo " Everytime they go away , do they take they take a piece of you with them " ( definately something wrong with me , but it made the flight quicker ) .

Just before I finish with my epic diary entry , I had an interesting conversation with my uncle ( the retired bookie ) while I was out there , started with how he was enjoying retirement and then we started talking about why he'd retired and the punters he'd served over the years and how the industry had changed .

He and his wife ( my auntie ) are quite old school and we'd got onto the amount of new shops that had opened and he said it was because of the limits on how many Fobt machines each shop could have , he then said how they'd been told how to interact with customers that they felt were a bit " in the zone " in order to assertain how they were handling things gambling wise .

I then opened up to him regarding my gambling as up until now I didn't think he was on my "need to know" list , I thi nk he was a little shocked but not at all judgemental , he's never gambled himself but fully understood everything I was saying to him , I told him about my downfall on the Fobt's but I also told him that if anyone had tried to make me see the light while I was " In that zone" I'd have probably told to eff off anyway which is why I don't think it's betting shop staff who should be held accountable , he said that was one of the reasons that he'd packed in when he did as things had changed so much over the last 10 to 15 years , it was just nice to feel comfortable sharing and to get the other side of the story

All home now , us, fosterkids who've yet to tell of their adventures and Puppy dogs who wern't that overwhelmed initially to see me at first ( as I was the one who left them ) but as I'm writing this keep coming up and give me a reassuring nudge and who once bedtime comes will be fighting over the duvet .

Day 333 , done and dusted !!!

Arrivederci and Buonna notte to all in recovery xxx

Hey me old booty..
Lovely to hear your back safe and sound !
Soooooo glad a good time was had by all.....as for all the tears ...well we all knew it would be like that...but tears of happiness are fantastic.....I love the touches of the gifts from your girlie. ...made me run for a kleenex !
Very very precious memories to treasure for ever....bootifull !
333 days .....just look at the difference....wow...mahoosive respect to you too man !
So...back to normal now Mr fish...I'll give you time to wash your smalls. ...empty the sand and confetti from your baggage etc....then I'll look forward to seeing the photos ...I'm sure your going to sort out a Facebook name when the dust has settled....lovely to have you back in good old Blighty. ...mwahhh x

Alan what an awesome post
I felt every bit of that mate and tbh I shed a tear myself I love a happy ending.
Mate you have done you and your family proud.
I'm just popping out so will speak to you later
Deano xx