So decided to do a new diary. The old one holds alot of heartache, although good to read back on, I want a fresh start. Will start this diary as I mean to go on...positively. although I know life has ups and downs, today I feel positive.
I'm not gambling, not sure how long its been, I'm not counting but il go into the new year gamble free.
I feel blessed. I have a roof over my head, a home. I can afford to heat my home and get food in. With the cost of living, so many arnt able to do that , and honestly , if I was gambling I wouldn't be able to either, I feel very blessed.
I have an amazing supportive partner, family and close friends.
I've already bought all Christmas presents for my kids.
My mental health is better than its been in years.
I'm hopefully getting a new house in January and taking my driving test.
I'm lucky. The start of this week was awful, I really struggled but I've got inner strength and will fight my demons head on from now on without gambling.
So that's were I'm at on 15/12/2022, lucky and greatful.
Thankyou to all on gamcare, staff and peers, the support is amazing and I'm greatful
Stace xx
Sounds like you are doing really well, stay positive and keep it up
Hey Stace, merry Xmas keep walking the positive path …
Hi Again Stace,
Like you I enjoyed our chat the other night when you had to go. You asked me do you think your wife will ever trust you again ?. Honest answer "NAH" not really. Is it the end of the world ?, maybe once in the mind of a CG but not now. I'm a firm believer in " If It Ain't Broken Don't Try & Fix It". Let's imagine she was the CG, did the same things I did to feed her addiction would I ever trust her again ?, I doubt it.
Trust ain't all it's cut out to be but accountability is. Can I trust i'll not gamble tomorrow 100%, I'm an addict whom other people have trusted in before. I let them down. This Xmas for sure she'll spend a lot more on me than I can afford to spend on her. Will I be embarrassed ?, a little bit for sure. You can only give what you have. My first year here I wrote a post describing how she she showered me with gifts & all I could afford was a small bottle of perfume as I'd handed finances over 4 months before & had little access to money.
I talked to her, explained the situation without complaining about not being able to be trusted with money simply to tell her the shame I felt giving her nowhere near what she truly deserved. She asked me have you really not gambled since August ( when I revealed all the ugly truth ), For once in my life I could look her in the eye & say NO I haven't gambled. She gave me a massive hug & said " You've Just Given Me The Best Xmas I Could Have Wished For".
I understand you're man's stress, worry etc you described, & how bad you feel. How can you elleviate that without trust
Hi Stace,
Took too long to edit my post & couldn't add. Just keep showing that wonderful partner of yours you're committed to stop gambling. You will succeed if you commit.
Best Wishes
AL
We cant change whats gone on, and i fully concur with slow. Mrslids probably will not trust me regarding money ever again, but i know she respects me in all other facets of life. Her not trusting me is a very good thing for both of us, i didn't used to think like that but have for at least the last year or so, it helps us both.
Seeing the frame of mind you are now in is so very good to see, its obvious you are getting to grips with our shared problems and working out the answers. The answers are not always comfortable, but we can only do the best we possibly can, unreal expectations of ourselves never help.
Your journey just like mine has been like a roller coaster, you look to be now striking a good balance, extreme highs (and lows) strain the mind and leave us feeling drained. Being contented to me is better than the ups and downs that were our addiction and that is where you seem to be going, embrace it.
Good luck Stace to you,your partner and family, you ALL deserve to feel that contentedness.
Hi stace nice to see you are doing well keep it up and have a happy Christmas
scotty??
Thankyou everyone for your lovely replies.
Started my wrapping today, only got half done, having 5 kids and no help from partner (hes been workin) to wrap took me ages ? I'm really looking forward to Christmas this year, last year I was so ill physically and mentally, I can't even remember alot of it, it passed in a blur of pure depression that then led to an episode of psychosis , the most terrifying thing I've ever gone through. I'm now in such a good place mentally, I'm happy and looking forward to Christmas and next year.
Gambling wise I'm doing well also. I don't know how long gamble free I am but I'm gamble free and not having any urges, il take that. I know being in recovery is hard, I've had many relapses, I take one day at a time and am doing really well.
I hope everyone has a merry Christmas and your gambling recoveries go well. Make sure your blocks are tight and money protected, Christmas can be a very hard time for some so get as much protection as you can.
Take care ?
Just had amazing news, I've got a house. Its a new build 4 bedroom house , move in in January. Fresh start for me, my partner and kids. So emotional right now. Its been a hard year. My time to finally have my life back ?
Hello Stace,
What can I say?. Grab The Bull By It's Horns, *** this opportunity it's life changing, a new start. Is it within travelling distance of your kids school ?. Either way smell the wind of change, enjoy it, embrace it, this is your time, your life & life is what we make it. We need to have financial responsibility taken from us, but that doesn't mean having ours or our children's futures taken from us. I hope this is the start of a bright & wonderful future. I'm trying to imagine day 1 your 5 kids running around in excitement putting down their markers & claiming which bedroom is theirs. I mean no disrespect when I say don't be me & screw everything up.
Best Wishes
AL
Hi slow, yes its right near the school ? next year is my year to shine , thankyou for your support.
Hi slow, yes its right near the school ? next year is my year to shine , thankyou for your support.
H Stace,
One word to describe how I feel, BUZZING
Best
AL
Has a lovely Christmas day this year, memories were made, fun was had, completely different to previous years. Sadly now though my whole house hold is ill, me, my partner and kids all have this horrible cold, cough, sore throats, headaches so not feeling so great. Hoping were better for new years eve as were having a buffet at my parents which will be really nice. Still gf and smiling ? Hope everyone managed OK over Christmas, it can be a really hard time of year for some, especially us fighting addictions.
Take care all
So this year is nearly over, and what a year its been,many relapses had but I'm learning from them each time. I'm a million times better mentally and in turn I'm no longer needing to escape to gambling. I won't say next year il have a gamble free year, as much as I'd love to, we don't know what life has to throw at us, so il continue to take one day at a time like I am doing and try stay strong if urges come knocking.
I'd like to thank gamcare staff for there support, not only for this year but the last few years, thankyou.
Also I'd like to thank my peers on here to, stay strong.
Happy new year to all and il speak to you in 2023 ??
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