New diary, fresh start

123 days gamble free today, just logged onto my gamstop to update my email and realised it ran out in August this year, so I've done it for another 5 years. I'm currently going through the hardest time of my life and I've reached a very dark point, I'm struggling massively but my family have been my rock. Especially my partner. I was already struggling with things going on in my life then on top of that I lost my precious mam. She was my world and I can't imagine life without her. I'm hurting so much. But I have 5 kids and now have to be strong for them. 

2 years ago that decision to renew gamstop would have been very difficut for u stace....well done....very proud xxx adam

Thankyou adam xx

So im 125 days gf, Mondays were always my worst day as its when I get paid. The amount of times that money was gone within an hour is unreal. This morning I was reflecting and checked my bank statement for November and December last year an oh my gosh I'm shocked with the amount of gambling transactions on there. I have no idea how I managed to pull of Christmas last year with the amount I gambled.  Although I'm going through a really difficult time this year, I've managed to buy all the kids there presents, and wrapped them. My bank statements for the last three months look healthy. I'm on top of bills and debts I had and my blocks are super tight. Best thing I ever did was hand over finances to my partner and get rid of my own bank account, now all money goes into his account. Although I do have the banking app on my phone to, I trust myself and my partner trusts me. I've come along way in my recovery after having relapse after relapse, and I am actually proud of myself 🙂

So proud of you Stace ❤️❤️

Hi

It was and is today healthy for me to write down my experiences.

By doing so I get to understand more about myemotional triggers and how best t deal with my reactions to people llife and situatios.

I was a loner walking in to the recovery program.

I had lost all faith and hope in my self.

I had lost all confidence in my self.

So in some ways the recovery program is about healig my pains but also a character strengthener.

The recovery program got to help me to be honest with my self.

It is not about beating our self up or calling our self names.

The recovery program helped me to identify all of my emotional triggers.

In time I would write down my needs my wants and my goals.

The recovery program helped me to identify what habits were unhealthy and what were healthy.

In time being accountable is not painful at all.

Love peace healing to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Thankyou cpp and dave ❤ 

So im 126 days gamble free and I've just finished wrapping the kids presents. It made me think of previous years, how much I gambled at Christmas then had to borrow to get presents, this year is so different, I've managed to get my kids everything they wanted without using credit cards, loans, overdraft, borrowing of family and friends, I've done it all myself and I really am proud of it. Christmas day will be strange this year without my mam, it will be hard  but il make sure the kids have a brilliant time. Our plan for Christmas day is, get up early no doubt as kids will be excited, watch them open presents then spend the morning setting there things up and playing with them. Were then going to my dads for lunch, there's going to be around 20 of us, so will be there as a family for a few hours. In the evening we will do some nibbles and play games. Then on boxing day we will go and visit my partners family. 

I hope everyone has a lovely Christmas and can stay gamble free  I know how hard it is at this time of year. Stsy strong

Stace

Had such a hard day, my brother went missing, no one had heard from him since 8am til now. We feared the worst, my dad was in absolute bits, I was terrified, but thank god he's been found and is ok. We honestly thought we had lost another family member. Its been 12 weeks since my mam passed away and life hasn't and won't ever be the same again. I'm in an awfuly bad place mentally,but these past few months has taught me that life is so short. Nobody knows whats around the corner. We don't have time to waste gambling, putting our partners and family through hell with our addictions. Only we can stop and put them first. No one knows whats round the corner. Dont take life for granted. Tell those close to you how much they mean to you. Phone that family member you've not spoke to in a long time and talk to them. Tomorrow isn't promised so why waste today

Would just like to wish my peers on here and the gamcare team a very merry Christmas,  hope you all have a lovely time. Christmas is a hard time for many, whether your still gambling, in recovery, have had hard things happen in life, but be strong. You will get through it. X

Thanks Stace, for your kind forum posts. Well done on your ongoing progress. Take care, Adam.

Thankyou adam

So today I'm 133 days gamble free, this is the longest I've ever done in 9 years of gambling without relapsing. I've faced many challenges in life, the most recent losing my mam, and although gambling has crossed my mind on occasions,  I've stayed strong and focused hard on my recovery. This Christmas has been the first Christmas in about 4 years that I've managed to get my children everything they asked for without using loans, overdrafts, gambling winnings etc and just used my own money, and I'm pretty proud of myself. I will be going into 2024 gamble free. Losing my mam devastated me and I also have health issues which need treatment and I may have a long road to recovery ahead of me. But I will have a clear head and no worry over gambling to deal with. 

I hope everyone else's recovery is going well, and if not, don't beat yourself up, we all started at day 1, its never to late. Hope you all had a lovely Christmas and all the very best for 2024

Stace xx

Hi Stace,

So sorry to hear about all of the family stress you've been through and so sorry for the loss of your mum. 

I hope your sister is doing better. It's true that it's harder to keep an addiction arrested when you're in pain but helping too much, also enables people. It sounds like a lack of basic boundaries with your sister. Maybe she needs to hit rock bottom? She's not taking steps to help herself with the gambling, by the sounds of it and it's not a nice heart-string to pull at, to use your recent family bereavement as an excuse. I'm really sorry she's relating to you this way. It can't be easy.

I know what I would do but I'm working on not giving opinions or advice unless it's asked for because it's something I need to change 🙂 

You really are making solid progress in recovery from gambling, I can tell. Something to celebrate!

Hi Stace,

So sorry to hear about all of the family stress you've been through and so sorry for the loss of your mum. 

I hope your sister is doing better. It's true that it's harder to keep an addiction arrested when you're in pain but helping too much, also enables people. It sounds like a lack of basic boundaries with your sister. Maybe she needs to hit rock bottom? She's not taking steps to help herself with the gambling, by the sounds of it and it's not a nice heart-string to pull at, to use your recent family bereavement as an excuse. I'm really sorry she's relating to you this way. It can't be easy.

I know what I would do but I'm working on not giving opinions or advice unless it's asked for because it's something I need to change 🙂 

You really are making solid progress in recovery from gambling, I can tell. Something to celebrate!

Thankyou freda, my sister has now stopped gambling and is on the road to recovery 🙂

So I have decided to end this diary and start a new one. This diary is full of my relapses, and I just feel like now I'm properly in recovery id like to do a new one. Although this diary will remain on the forum so I can re read it when times get tough , there will be no more posts on this one. 

Thankyou all for your support on this diary and I shall see you on my new one 😊 

Stace

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