New me? Right?

So after a huge binge online 18 days ago I  feel strange this morning..   almost like reality has slapped me hard around the face.  How the bloody hell can I be so stupid.  I really don't understand how throwing your money away becomes an addiction.  When you go in casino you know your gonna loose, might as well leave the money at the door.  How can that make you happy? The only person who is truly happy is the one on the yacht in the med sipping pina colada with your hard earned cash.  Whilst you are struggling to eat and are ruining your life....your being mocked.  No one likes anyone who takes the Mickey!! I've developed a massive hate over the last 18 days...18 days will turn to 18 months and 18 years.... I hate it and I'm NEVER going back..... It's almost took everything from me... Material things, family and my mind... 

Sorry for rambling, I like talking here with other like minded individuals. 

Gambling is not worth it ?

Hi Boolooser

A great post and I am 100% with you. I have binge gambled for years and put myself into ridiculous amounts of debt. 

I had the moment of clarity that you describe 27 days ago and I am now a non-gambler. I know that it will take years to pay off the debt but at least I have a decent income to get through this. It is hard to work out if I am more upset with myself for being so stupid or for having to spend years getting out of the hole that I have dug but, whatever the case, it will never happen again.

Stay strong and never forget these feelings as I believe that you will never want to gamble again when you realise how stupid you have been, just like me.

Ed

Excellent stuff ed 🙂 

It just gets you like....d**n!! Then things spiral...but Keep your chin up buddy 

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I'm 22 days gf I also won't be gambling again sick to my stomach  reality as slapped me in the face of what I've spent over the years but you have to start somewhere good luck 

Hi both

It can be a spiral for sure and there is nothing worse than the feeling of nausea straight after a big loss, then comes the self-loathing and self-pity....then the cycle continues.

Interestingly, I have just accepted this weekend that my self-destruction is not just confined to gambling and had developed in other areas, most notably binge drinking. Others might eat junk food or smoke etc but I am clear that the only way to benefit fully from being a non-gambler is to stamp out the other types of self-destruction.

Keep pushing with your journeys and I hope that all of us can make the most of our lives as non-gamblers. 29 days and not really counting!

Ed

Hi all

Day 83 for me completely cold turkey no help no counselling NADA.  

I've been doing really well until today..... It's Xmas soon and although I completed the Xmas shopping in September (!! Yes organised!!)

I feel broke. I'm feeling massive urges to gamble.  I'm blocked on everything  and today's urges are driving me insane.  It's like a fight in my mind 

Any ideas on what to do? 

Xxxxx

80% of what you have experienced in the past helps you make sense of 20% of current reality.

If you have urges you have kicked of a trigger that is making you think about urges what is already stored in your computer. So it is just memories. You want to forget or get back to normal you will need to catch some relaxing meditation music sit down on a cushion. close your eyes and focus on your breathing for 5-10 minutes.

You would be doing that to get back to your own reality. Forget the meditation part if you are not used to it

just do the breathing so that you start to focus on what is happening now. Then you can decide how you want to

proceed

God luck!

I feel the same.. Doing it your way too.. Its like an itch you can't scratch.. But more like an irritating cough. 

Work distracts me today.. 

Stay in your safe place.. Boo ?

Hi all

So I officially quit on 16/9.  I've had couple of relapses.  Not big thankfully I came to my senses.  

Next year in march my dro finishes and I'll be debt free, first time in 20 years!! 

Also it'll be the one year anniversary of kicking this addictions b**t!!

Good luck to everyone

Happy new year x

Exactly as title suggests ?

I just feel so old, for me every birthday the last ten year I've been celebrating (commiserating) in a casino or online. 

This is my first birthday in ten years "gambling sober"!

I stopped gambling 3 months ago, this is my 4th month.  I've felt happy so far until now except Xmas. I recently completed a  module in in cbT therapy I've been doing.  It was a lightbulb moment in my way of thinking.

But today I can't shake my sadness 

Have a great day ??

Happy Birthday! Don't be down, you have so much to be proud of. Christmas is hard for many people. I feel it too. I have moments of profound sadness and it can be just a few hours or last for days. 

Your brain will still be down in the dumps. It is too early for you to feel 'back to normal'. It took me about 6 months before I really felt like there was a large enough gap between me and my last bet for me to feel mentally better. You are technically going it alone now, without your gambling to make you feel 'better'. You probably relied on it to comfort you, excite you, to pick you up....without it, you have to go back to more better, positive ways of boosting your mood and when you have gambled for so long, it is hard to get those habits back again.

If you are anything like me, you may still have the effects of your gambling hanging around, perhaps debt, bad memories or reminders of losses, things you have lost, sold, missed out on. Birthdays and Christmases are milestones, they are times of reflection. We look forward to things with hope for what the future holds, but we also look back with sadness, regret, remorse.....It is completely normal. 

Don't let your brain tempt you into thoughts of gambling. You have to allow yourself to feel down sometimes and allow yourself to bounce back naturally too. There are some great ways to boost your mood; for one, feel proud of your decision to be gamble free. You have made a great leap forward. Count your blessings and allow yourself to be content with what you have and not go back over what you may have lost, what you could have had etc....Be happy that you just have gambling out of your life and that you know where you stand today. Live in the moment and embrace all your moods, because whether good or bad, there are technically no bad emotions. There are just bad ways of expressing them. I used to often gamble to lift my mood, if I was upset or if I needed to wallow. I could never handle my emotions and I buried them in a machine.

There are much better ways to help yourself feel better and you could plan something nice for your birthday, a meal, a trip out, something nice to wear....or just curl up on the couch with a great movie and a pizza!

It's okay to be sad sometimes. This goes for everyone, not just addicts in recovery. You have been so used to gambling that you are probably a little out of sorts on how to make yourself feel better.....Now that I am not gambling, I go for long walks, I play instruments,  I have time for all my hobbies and I pamper myself when I feel down. I indulge in some great comfort food and embrace my mood. People think that feeling low or down is a bad thing, but it's not. It's just your body's way of telling you that you need to take some time out....chill for a while, or do something fun, whatever suits you. We don't need to feel good all the time or swing from the chandeliers.  That's the illusion of gambling. It's your birthday.....you can do whatever the heck you want! (except gambling of course) 🙂

Well we will cry with you.. Tears as big as peas tears of joy... Its natural to mourn for lost experiences on life.. You are in a better place..

Enjoy your day gambling free... 

Love boo ???

Sorry your feeling sad birthday girl. Wishing you contentment, fun and happy days throughout the coming year as you continue on your great adventure.

A massive thank you for reminding me of Lesley Gore singing "Its My Life And I'll Cry If I Want To."

I just played it on Spotify and took a walk down memory lane to 1963 when she recorded it and thought of the numerous times I would have been happily dancing around while it was playing.

My favourite record of hers was "You Don't Own Me" and the message in the words is as relevant now as it was 56 years ago. It is also what I said to gambling addiction at the start of my recovery.

Sadly Lesley passed away a few years ago, aged 68, but her music lives on.

Stephen x 

Happy birthday. Sorry for feeling sad on your birthday but these things take time. Look at in a positive way you have accomplished a lot in 4 months. You took the steps to help yourself. We will have off days but when we do we just have to think of the positives 

I never thought of it like that. In a way you are grieving for what you've lost. Gambling was my go to when I was feeling sad. You are right.  I need to learn other coping mechanisms for my emotion.

I absolutely love that song "you don't own me" and I couldn't think of a more apt song to kick the habit with!

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