NO TIME FOR THE FAMILY

deb

welcome again to the forum, the doors of recovery revolve, it does not matter how many times we walk through them it is the lessons we learn each time we do.

Bottom line is it is up to you, it's your choice of when you want to end the destruction and misery that is your compulsion to gamble

My advice the same that was gifted to me on day one of recovery.

There is a triangle

Time-Money-Location

take one away at all times and the punt becomes impossible.

gifting you the chance to let the rational side of your brain take control.

be kind to yourself, addiction hates that.

Give recovery a try, it's free and begins each day, we are all in the same boat each morning.

Do I arrest the punt just for today, a choice which gifts you a 100% payrise

Hope to see you making good use of your diary

Duncs stepping forward never back.

don't give in to this addiction once your playing you cant think straight , so stop take yourself away from it and think straight , and let yourself realise what your doing is silly and crazy , as all your doing is giving these millionaires who own these bookies casinos more money for nothing but pain in return , don't get me wrong I have been there 4 days ago to be exact 1000 gone again in 3 or 4 days keep strong find a hobby ive started running something different maybe and I know the thoughts addiction will drive you crazy , but every minuite your not gambling your getting better and saving money you would have given those c*****s . stop with me lets do this thanks simon

Thanks both for your support. Today is the 1st March a new start for my life. I contacted the site I am registered online with and self excluded last night. I didn't know this could be done until I spoke with an advisor on here. I feel so relieved this morning when I got an email saying my account had been closed. I would have gone on and gambled if I hadn't self excluded and how bad is that. I feel relieved but at the same time I feel like an old friend has died, an old friend who was no good for me but an old friend that I loved despite being no good for me. I have been crying this morning, crying like a baby and I don't know why. I have ridden the rollercoaster of emotions for so long, the rush of winning and the despair of losing, the fear of being found out- it wrecks the mind and is exhausting It sounds mad but thats how I feel. Each day I have been out of control and tried to stop but each day I failed. Each time I gambled I felt despair as I knew I was ruining my life but i couldn't stop. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted now I have self excluded. I know I have a lot of work to do but its a start. I have to mend all the damage I have done. I have to tackle the debt, I have to do right by my family.

Dear Diary

This is day 2 of my second attempt to quit. I feel lost and am trying to keep occupied. I self excluded thank God I did. I know I will try and find ways to get back on to my favourite site as the demon in my head is calling. I am ignoring it. No pain no gain. I have tried to get things sorted and asked for advice for dealing with debt. I chased my losses too often foolishly thinking I could win back what I lost. I am hoping this gets easier as time goes by. Go away demon in my head do one- I chose not to listen to you, you are no friend of mine

You have put into words exactly how I feel. I have been addicted to slots for around two years and although I have won some money in that time I have also lost a lot and more recently all I seem to have done is lose.

I managed 12 days and had a major relapse and lost £900 in one evening 🙁 I still don't know how I did that - well I do, I just kept depositing more and more until reality hit me but it took £900 for that to happen. I still feel awful about it but I think I have now set up enough blocks to stop me doing it again.

If you only played on one site that is good and it is good to hear you have self excluded. I also highly advise you to install K9 or betfilter onto your computer so you can't be tempted to sign up to other sites. Every time I have self excluded or set deposit limits I've just gone and found other sites that have my favourite games. It seems like every time I search for someone with a game I like to play a new gambling website has been set up. NO MORE! I have the blocks in place and won't be letting this evil habit rule my life anymore.

I know what you mean about losing an old friend. I feel a bit lost too and have actually come into work today to avoid that feeling of loss when I would normally be gambling. I have also installed betfilter on my work pc so there is no temptation here, other than going on the forum and reading posts!!

Do you have family? I have two children who know me as the Mummy that sits on the laptop or on my mobile and plays games. How awful is that? I don't want them growing up thinking that is all their Mummy does or thinking these games are ok.

Anyway, I think I have rambled on enough! I wish you a huge amount of luck on this journey and look forward to seeing you post about your gamble free days.

Soph x

I'm on day one and feel much as you do. I have given up before and feel so weak and useless when I relapse but being here, posting, has to help. With my logical head on I can say I have made progress; a crisis a few years ago would have been a few thousand pounds with overdrafts and credit cards maxed before I stopped. Now a few hundred in and I realise what I am doing and can drag myself out of that just keep depositing frame of mind. I realise now that giving any money to online casinos is crackers; guess we just have to work out how to tell that to the voices in our heads. All the best in your recovery.

Hi deb,

Take one day at a time and try and use this site as much as possible, you will get so much advice and strength from the posters on here who will not judge you but know exactly how you feel.

Take care and keep strong

LG

Hi Deb

I really identify with what you were saying about the emotional rollercoaster of gambling, the high when we win and the despair when we lose. And also when you said about saying goodbye an old friend, an old friend who is no good for us- that is sooooo true. Even though this addiction is so destructive for us its so difficult to say goodbye to it.

As the others have said- just take one day at a time. Each moment, each urge to gamble at a time. I'm back at square one too.

You are not a bad person, you have, just like so many of us, got overwhelmed with this addiction.

You can do it.

all the best

Stuxx

Thank you for posting- your comments really help in those long process of recovery- Until I joined this site I thought my feelings were unique to me and it helps to see that others who know what it is like to be addicted to gambling feel the same feelings. Not that I want anyone to have to feel the way I do but just reading what you have put makes me know I am no alone. I have had an awful week with last night being the worst ever. The echoes of my gambling past have been with me. Its like I have gone a few days and I think I am on my way and them last night (Friday) being the night when I would settle down and have a good session just hit me from nowhere- the urge to gamble was so bad. My old friend has not been laid to rest yet and is intent on haunting me. But I won't listen, as each day goes by and I ignore you then I get stronger and you get weaker. Its nice to have normal feelings, even for just a while. Those normal feelings flit in and out between my struggle to say goodbye to the adrenaline rush. I didn't realise just how much the adrenaline rush took it out of me mentally. I feel like I live in the world with others again instead of just my fantasy world of gambling and winning and losing and chasing losses. I am trying to work it all out what is it in me that loves the rush of winning so much. I ask myself the question why can't I be like others who are normal and content with their lot in life- why is my brain or mind wired up like it is? I feel clean for the first time in ages and that despair of knowing how much I lost is getter less as each days passes. I just have to clutch on to the feeling of how good it feels to have not gambled and lost compared to how I felt a few weeks ago. I was down, depressed and desparate but finally there is hope for me and that glimmer of hope and small light I can see flickering is what keeps me going.

Hi Deb and well done

Thanks Redeemed what you say makes sense now I think about it. Looking back the pace of gambling was fast and I felt exhausted from the adrenaline rush. I feel like things are calmer and it does take some getting used to but I am slowly getting used to it- inside my head is quieter now I have stopped. I don't want to go back to day 1 ever. It made me feel awful and I don't ever want to be there again. Thanks for your words of support

You're doing really well Debs.

HI Redeemed thanks for posting and your comments, they are greatly appreciated. You put into words exactly what is was like for me. I too spent hours just sat in the same position on the slots. I think one time I sat for 6 hours and even hated moving away from the computer to go to the loo. This time a few weeks ago what meant the most to me was to get home from work and on the slots- I even resented having to speak to my family and children and hated any interruptions. That for me is the worst part of what I had become like. I could see it at the time but could not stop myself. All that was important at the time was getting on the slots. I even dreamed of them and thought about them in the day. You are so right, it is like coming our from an anaesthetic and you describing it like this is spot on. What is scary is that gambling meant more to me at the time than anything or anyone and I didn't even care. The best thing I did which was a turning point was to go on the online chat on this site with an advisor. I was so desperate to stop but thought how is someone I don't know going to possibly help me. But it did and that person I spoke to managed to reach out and get through to me. I don't think he knows just how much he helped. I have to keep on here with my journal and reading other journals to make sure I don't have a relapse. So many people give the benefit of their wisdom and experience and I take on board all the advice and tips. Thanks again for posting x

You're doing fine, Deb.