On the edge

14 day's (2 weeks /half a month etc), been here before so despite not having gambled for 14 day's it's still very raw since my last episode and the niggles to have another go are constantly in the background. Good thing now as soon as the niggles happen I distract myself very quickly and the demon urges pass. Pay day will be the reality check again, as most people on this site would agree once we have little or no money to gamble with its easier to deal with the urges but when pay day happens it's back to square 1. Good thing this month is after my money is paid into my husband's account we have safeguarded all his log on details now so I can't even check if my money has bee deposited. I really cannot face another repeat of 2 weeks ago. I just want peace of mind and be able to live without the thought of "needing to play on the slots. I don't even give the "G" word a second thought when I'm busy in work, so yes keeping busy will create that distance between wanting/needing to place a bet.
Well now I've posted, I'm off to the gym, a bit of shopping to do afterwards and then visiting some family later. Dinner, Corrie, Crime watch then bed, back to work at 7 in the morning etc.
Hope everyone has a safe day.
Rosie

Good going rosie ....like you I have to keep busy....but it's getting so much easier....very few thoughts of play....if they pop up in able to push them away....long may it continue.....have a lovely day....don't get blown away in this wind lol xx

Hiya Rosie and thanks for popping bye !. Well done on the two weeks by the way , glad to see youre a bit more focused and that youv'e got those all important blocks in place for payday !.

Dinner , corrie and crimewatch , Wow your'e certainly living the dream !! LOL !. TBH , I'm pretty much the same myself but minus the Corrie as I can't have too much excitement in one day ! LOL !.

Keep safe and stay strong Rosie !

Best wishes ...........Alan

Thanks for popping by Rosie, and well done you on passing two weeks, freedom and winning, that's sounds good.

Keep strong and keep going forwards

Suzanne xxx

Thanks Loxie, Alan and Suzanne for your kind and thoughtful posts.
Well day 17 and still not gambled.
I've had an interesting few day's with regards to the online site that decided my hard earned money would be better resting in their bank account. My husband complained to them that I had used his card to fund my deposits without his consent and explained I am a CG who has excluded from virtually every site but I had used his card and details without him knowing. The company said they would look into this and get back to him. As I had made the deposits using his details we both knew we wouldn't stand a chance of regaining the deposits. After numerous emails and phone calls, the last one being today they said the only way to recover the money was for my husband to report me to the bank and police for fraud. Being the person he his and being so understanding and patient with this vile addiction, he told me he wouldn't do that as he know how hard I'm working at trying to control my gambling behaviour. He had already decided to accept that the money has gone and continue to remain vigilant in watching me and our finances. What disturbed us both and sickened me more was the noise in the background as I was talking to the call handler in the so called VIP department. I could clearly hear a man's voice reading out figures and loud applause happening after each announcement. It became apparent that the guy was reading out achieved targets. I challenged the call handler to verify my belief and he very quickly terminaed our call. Part of those figures they were clapping about were my deposits, my hard earned money that I've worked long hours during the day and night to earn and are now worth a clap and a laugh to those greedy thieving online companies. All urges have gone today, only anger and shame prevails that they are having the benefit of my money.
Well what's done is done and there's no going back only forward. Just to mention as well, I asked them for all their affiliated sites and after being interrogated as to why I wanted this information they declined to give it. I contacted the Gambling Commission who were able to show me how to access the licence and sister sites of all companies.
Trying but enlightening day. Just had a late supper and off to bed now. Tonight I can sleep peacefully because I haven't gambled. Hope everyone else is staying safe.
Rosie

Thanks Loxie, Alan and Suzanne for your kind and thoughtful posts.
Well day 17 and still not gambled.
I've had an interesting few day's with regards to the online site that decided my hard earned money would be better resting in their bank account. My husband complained to them that I had used his card to fund my deposits without his consent and explained I am a CG who has excluded from virtually every site but I had used his card and details without him knowing. The company said they would look into this and get back to him. As I had made the deposits using his details we both knew we wouldn't stand a chance of regaining the deposits. After numerous emails and phone calls, the last one being today they said the only way to recover the money was for my husband to report me to the bank and police for fraud. Being the person he his and being so understanding and patient with this vile addiction, he told me he wouldn't do that as he know how hard I'm working at trying to control my gambling behaviour. He had already decided to accept that the money has gone and continue to remain vigilant in watching me and our finances. What disturbed us both and sickened me more was the noise in the background as I was talking to the call handler in the so called VIP department. I could clearly hear a man's voice reading out figures and loud applause happening after each announcement. It became apparent that the guy was reading out achieved targets. I challenged the call handler to verify my belief and he very quickly terminaed our call. Part of those figures they were clapping about were my deposits, my hard earned money that I've worked long hours during the day and night to earn and are now worth a clap and a laugh to those greedy thieving online companies. All urges have gone today, only anger and shame prevails that they are having the benefit of my money.
Well what's done is done and there's no going back only forward. Just to mention as well, I asked them for all their affiliated sites and after being interrogated as to why I wanted this information they declined to give it. I contacted the Gambling Commission who were able to show me how to access the licence and sister sites of all companies.
Trying but enlightening day. Just had a late supper and off to bed now. Tonight I can sleep peacefully because I haven't gambled. Hope everyone else is staying safe.
Rosie

Hi Rosie and well done on getting to 17 days ! Onwards and upwards egh ! .

The great thing you can take from today is to use that rage and anger you felt toward the gambling company as a tool when you get an urge to gamble , just think how that made you feel when you heard thm clapping and laughing at your losses !.

Then smile to yourself as you realise that they wont get a penny more of your hard earned cash . I used this feeling quite a lot when I first started recovery , just feeling disgust and anger at how much heartache they cause us just to make a profit !.

Keep doing what your doing Rosie coz it's working !!.

Respect and best wishes ..............................Alan

Way to go Rosie....worth the try....what a load of sleaze bags...vip always made me laugh....let's start a challenge to 're ...name meaning of vip !. ..

Ohh , thanks Rosie ! thats really kind , forgot what time it was then so will say morning Rosie and goodnight Rosie ! LOL !

Have a great Friday and take care ! x

Hey Rosie love the vip. .'re name change suggestion......I'm carp..maybe I got 'nanny brain '...Lol...this is the best I can do...
Vile ...i****d..prats....xxx

Hi rosie. Thanks for the kind words. I hope you are doing ok and still gamble free. Reading your posts have really helped me.

Thanks for popping by Rosie,

Yep I too used OHs card to deposit with (without his knowledge at that time) he just accepted it had gone,

You are doing great on 19 days, keep going and keep winning, being able to look our OHs in the eye, with honesty is really an amazing winning feeling.

Suzanne xxx

Yippee day 22 and I've got here without a single slip of depositing any money to the seedy "Vile Insipid Prats" departments of any online sites.
It's been a bit hard going over the last 3 weeks but I reached my first target of 21 day's yesterday and didn't get chance to post. I was too busy keeping distracted that I only realised tonight I hadn't congratulated myself on reaching my 1st target. Next target now is to get to 50 day's. With 2 pay day's in between that target the next 29 day's will be a massive test. Good thing now is all devices, bank accounts etc are protected so even if I wanted to gamble I couldn't. I'm hopeful the longer the gaps the less I will think of gambling and become so preoccupied with other things.
Anyway, have only posted now because I was woken by a car horn outside and am struggling to get back to sleep, eyes are feeling g heavy now so I'll say goodnight and another morning will be greeted with a smile when I can admit to having g won again as I haven't gambled.
Rosie

Hi Rosie.

Just wanted to say well done on reaching your first target. I think setting mini goals and targets, can really help to keep us strong and focused in what we are trying to achieve.

Take care.

Feb.

Day 25 and a is well. Been a bit up and down the last few day's but managed to survive without a hitch.
Big test next week is pay day when not only am I aware of money in my husband's bank account but my devious nature goes into overdrive and I can usually work out a way of accessing the impossible. Well next week I won't be able to post because I will be barred from using all devices in our house despite all the protection kits etc. It's the wisest and safest thing to do in the circumstances and was my suggestion too. So after the 25th I can't post for a full week but at least all the bills will be paid and hopefully we will have some peace of mind as opposed to the stress and anxiety after last month's shenanigans.
Hope all are keeping well?
Rosie