I’m back after beating this addiction over and over again, dropped my guard nine weeks ago and again 3 days ago, I’m really not happy with myself,, i now live on my own and have done for the last year, only myself to account for,, I’ve been doing well and managing my money well but every time i build up a decent amount of money back up, i mess up,, yet i liked the feeling of not having to worry about what i spend without checking my bank before i spend, i liked it and i knew that it was because i wasn’t gambling,,, i look back and remember just how bad i was with this addiction, for decades gambling every time i had money in my pocket, ruining everything, it’s not like that now, but it’s in me to do it and I’m determined not to gamble anymore, not even small amounts or every couple of months,,, i never intended to go out and do it again, until the moment,,, triggered if you like, by watching racing on tv and picking out the winner’s? trouble in the family? Spending money and thinking “i better get some more in”, or the combination of many things, boredom, escape, drink,,, yes they are triggers, but i want to be bigger than that and see these triggers, understand them and what they can do, look at the consequences, and then rise above them all, because I’m better than that, .. Well i didn’t do too well a couple of months ago and again 3 days ago,, I’m not going to write off my mistakes, I’m not flippant about it, I’m taking it on and I’m not going to mess up again,, I’m not going to ignore this mess up because i don’t want it to repeat itself again and that’s up to me. Guard up.
Hello bobbyj,
Thank you for sharing your recovery journey with us here on our GamCare Forum.
It sounds like you have been in a very reflective space and have reflected a lot on your triggers, high risk situations and are learning more about what you can do going forward to prevent a relapse. It also sounds like you feel a lot more confident and stronger in your recovery compared to when you initially started – this is amazing! Remember recovery is a journey where you take gradual steps at a time and yes there maybe bumps and falls along the way, however it’s how you pick yourself up afterwards and carry on which matters the most!
Recovery is very much an ongoing journey, there are good days and sometimes there might be days where you find yourself struggling. However, you have a choice in how you respond to those ‘bad’ days to make sure you are able to pick yourself up stronger and continue on the journey you have chosen for yourself - which seems to be exactly what you have done! Well done for choosing to accept the mistakes and learn from them to move forward and as you have said rise above them all because yes you are better than that!
To help you strengthen your preventative measures and learning you can always try some of our self-guided resources which you may find helpful here: https://www.gamcare.org.uk/self-help/self-help-resources/ Please also know that our helpline and netline is available 24//7 should you require a space to debrief or further support.
Best wishes,
Brielle
I’m not gonna let a slip happen again, I know I’ve said that before,, i have come a long way and my only times I’ve gambled seems to be after I’ve struggled like mad to get some money behind me, it might be every couple of months or longer, thinking about it, my time working out my expenditure and income takes up much of my time to build it up and then when I’ve got to my goal, the pressure comes off and i totally drop my guard, it’s like, I’ve made it and I’m invincible, ,,, well i ain’t,, I’m gonna have a different approach, I’m not going to put so much pressure on myself in the building up my money, severe cutbacks won’t be so severe, staying in for weeks on end on my own, with only the tv and radio has to stop, ( I’m retired and have restricted abilities due to health conditions), but it won’t stop me moving forward and it will improve when the warmer weather comes, it’s a long winter when you’re on your own, difficult, but I’ll sort it somehow. Guard up
Went out of area yesterday to sort some money out, so i was carrying, I’m self excluded from all bookies in my town but the door is open out of my area, . There’s a reason I’ve not nationally excluded this time as i have before,, I’ll get to that later, . The bank i had to go to is bang opposite a betting shop, i wasn’t tempted, i looked across and felt the bad feeling, and pushed it away,,, i completed my visit to the bank and just felt good as i drove away. I used to gamble every day, big bets, or small if i didn’t have a lot, done more money over the years than i would like to say, i know roughly how much and it’s vile, , i don’t feel the need to gamble anymore but now and again i slip up, and it’s always an expensive slip, I’m lucky enough to have been able to get out of trouble but not by gambling and not chasing. So I’ve come a long way in that respect,. I understand what I’m about and I take myself on, i have left the door open out of area as a challenge to myself, right or wrong, I’ll beat it, i won’t be beaten… I want to win without being chained up and that’s what I’m going to do. Guard up
Still going forward, I’ve had a few bets and not happy about that, but although i came out on top, i didn’t go back and that was over 3 weeks ago, i don’t feel the drive to gamble, I’m not fighting it, and that’s good, i remember when i used to have to fight the drive to gamble, it’s not like that now, I’m a little in debt but it doesn’t bother me because i know that in time i will sort it out, i don’t want to put myself under pressure by making deadlines for repaying, it will happen on my terms, i won’t put myself under pressure by risking my money gambling, I’m ok. Guard up. Rainman
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