reborn on the 4th July

Thanks Steve Rachael Dave

Off work now for a week and ready for it , this last week has been tough our warehouse is not coping and all deliveries are running late everyday , for me thats fine I understand that but what frustrates me more than anything is when there's no communication so I can't plan any staffing levels , its having a massive effect at store level which infuriates me as it could be avoided if someone just picked up the phone and said sorry but this is how it is this is the time u will receiver ur deliveries

I need to switch off from it which is hard as whilst I'm off decisions are goin to av to be made which would be made by me and as good as they are they dont av the experience to make the correct ones , but saying that I just need to forget and put me 1st , recent weeks as took a lot out of me and I know I need the break and recharge my batteries for when I go back change my mindset and start to think positive again

Got loads of plans this week with jess so can concentrate on them and having a great week with her b4 she goes away , she just got her school report which was just fantastic way ahead for her age which for me is so pleasing

Hope the weather stays nice this week makes life seem much happier when the sun is shining

Hey Castle ...

You wanna know a secret? ...I've emailed work every day since I've been off lol...I know the place isn't going to collapse without me but I also don't want to walk into a s**t storm on my first day back..

I did switch off from work when I was out and about distracted but when at home the ol noggin was hard to switch off.

I have a funny feeling that since I've been away certain people may have had to work a lot harder as I have not been there to pull the maximum weight and I have a sneaky suspicion that when I go back it may be seen as a justified feet up time for some so I have to keep my resentments in check and keep delegating and re delegating..

I'm going to deliberately stay in the office all day tomorrow catching up.

Enjoy your time off Castle ...it may take a few days to feel normal ..

We are creatures of habit and I think as humans we find it difficult to manage change of any kind..Sometimes we are so used to being in the fight that when its not there it feels weird and that can also be a form of stress.

R and D xx

Good morning castle.

Your support is very greatly received. Your humbleness shown in these diarys is greatly recognised and enviable.

Have followed your progress

on and off. Credit to you in maintaining abstinence and being a good pop's despite the other S***e life throw's is proof in the pudding the determination in recovery.

Strength to you sir

Thanks Rachael volcano

Holiday mode not kicked in yet but an sure it will I think sometimes u dont appreciate it till ur back at work , do feel a little flat and I guess that comes from the conclusion to my ongoin battle with my solicitors it consumed so much of my thoughts yes many bitter and angry ones Which weren't good for me but they gave me not a lot else to think bout so its left a big hole that needs filling , so another change is required and focus is needed I dont want thoughts of gambling entering my head , this week is not a problem got jess all week and busy every day but then she goes for 2 weeks so another big hole to fill , work will help but need to stay strong and dig deep one day at a time will be the way with plenty of reading and posting

Off to Gullivers kingdom today with jess she loves it there the rides are just right for her won't be long though till she wants the faster ones

Lookin forward to a beer or two tonite and even better with the knowledge of no work tomorrow , so today should be a very good day

All by making the right choices and choosing not to gamble

Hey castle,

Thank you for your continued support, really appreciated.

That's lovely - holiday you well deserved! I'm sure you will have a great time with jess and enjoy every moment of it. Holiday goes very quick, especially if you have a good time.

I wish you all the best and am sure you will keep making the right choice all along.

Take care and enjoy

Sandra x

Hey Castle,

thanks for your post on my diary...

just wanted to say have a great time off with Jess. Your hard work is paying off allowing you to have some quality time with your loved ones, hope you have a great few days. Enjoy the beer tonight and put the feet up!!

have a great week

Phil

Hi Castle

Thanks for "introducing" yourself and posting on my diary. I've had a brief read of yours and am sorry to hear that you've had some really tough times which you seem to have handled admirably with maturity and honesty.

I empathise with that "winding down" feeling- I also find it hard to switch off from work- then suddenly its time to return. It sounds like you've got a fab week planned doing stuff that you'll both enjoy. I too am on day 1 of annual leave and have planned zilch lol (which is exactly how I want it).

Wishing you a great week!

Take care

Irene

x

Hi Castle

have a lovely time with Jess this week and enjoy your time off work...day 1 back for me was ok in the end but I was dreading it a bit ....now im back in the loop.

I think the key now is the thing we talked about a long time ago...routine.

I have a daily routine that I stick to pretty much all the time whether there is stress going on or not. It seems to make some sense out of any ups and downs I may be feeling and a base to come back to.

It's only simple routine around food, cooking,keeping house , dotty etc bit nonetheless without that routine I think I would find my days very hard to cope with.

I am geared up for bad news through the post usually daily and can't bear any shocks or deviations from my routine as it sends me into a spin...I know that parts over for you now but it still takes time to get used to not fighting or anticipating trouble.

Is like Sundays ...no postman so you'd think my stress would be lower but having nothing to deal with after a period of high action in the week can be unsettling...my cleaning frenzy can start taking over on Sundays for this reason which is why I make sure I'm out of the house or I start stirring up domestic trouble as it feels more familiar than nothing,

Work is also a routine as it helps to distract from feelings too..I guess there will be a period of delayed grief for you or a limbo as endings always bring that ....just keep your diary close as you may be surprised what comes up.

R and D xx

Castle,

I hope you and Jess are having a lovely week together.

Tomso.

Thanks everyone

Very wise words Rachael and fully agree with u , I really thought it would be a turning point with the divorce finalised and no more solicitors but at the moment nothing has changed lots of insecure feelings not stress just feel very flat

Off work this week and should be happy with the break and be relaxed and full of happiness but its not plannin out that way , got jess loads this week and its full on so no time for myself , I love spending time with her wouldn't want it any other way but mentally I'm drained and with jess there's no let up wanting to do stuff everyday , as strange as it may sound when she goes away on Friday for 2 weeks it may give me that time and space to take it all in with everything that as happened , I will miss her so much I can't deny that and it will leave a big hole to fill but I'm hoping it will give me time to gather my thoughts , the truth is I honestly dont know and can't quite put my finger on it but it will all pan out over the next few weeks and I should av a better idea

Been watching big brother with jess and the idea of been locked up in a house for ten weeks with loads of time on my hands is just what I need some time to think they could throw what they wanted at me as the last 2 years av strengthed my endurance levels and mentally would take some breaking

Better day today with weather so off for a nice day with jess

Hey Castle..

Yes ..there is often a gap of when the old life finishes but the new one isn't clear yet...like being between rungs of the ladder, but this is where the trust comes in again..and good advice like "this too shall pass"...

I'm sure you will have lots to contemplate when you are on your own...I must admit sleeping a lot was high in my priority ..lol

Even without the alarm set I was still up with the lark...

Keep posting and enjoying your break

R and D xxx

Thanks Rachael

Funny u should mention sleeping , after a great mornin with jess goin bowling I dropped her off at her friends for a sleepover bout 2 drove back to the flat and tidied and cleaned for 2 hours as with having jess all week nothings been done , at 4 finally sat down and put my feet up stuck a film on with in ten minutes flat out asleep woke at 815 thought I would struggle to sleep later but didn't slept well again

This morning feel better for it am starting to relax more picking jess up in bout an hour then off to visit both sets of grandparents so they can see her b4 she goes away , goin to try and get to the gym for an hour as jess's cousins are at one of her grandparents , the plan was to go last nite but that didn't happen

Entering unknown territory tomorrow when jess goes I'm hoping there will be no tears as it will upset me more then 5 mins after iv gone she will be ok , I know she will miss me though but a 2 week cruise around the Spanish islands is not to be sniffed at and I'm sure she will enjoy it , we will speak and text as she is taking her phone with her

The days will pass and life will go back to normal just another test to pass for me

Hey Castle

Am with you there except I'm like that with my dog! Dropped her off at overnight sitters and drove back a bit tearful..

She's as happy as Larry with her doggy pals..it's me with the separation anxiety!...again, Perhaps it's our old pal routine as temporarily the routine that we need so much for stability is not there so we feel unsafe....

I know this morning going for the train I turned back twice in the car to the station, once to check the irons off and another to check the oven was off!!

My OCD type checking also kicks in when I am out of routine as i am somehow trying to control the uncontrollable and I also over clean somedays...took a cotton bud to my works pc keyboard yesterday ...lol

Also repacked my handbag twice on the train already ..lol ...mini valeting!

Your not alone Castle and if you need to post more then go for it...

The amount of times i post in a day is a barometer as to the level of stress I feel..I used to feel guilty about it as i always am on page 1 but I do this mainly for me and its a form of self care not self anaesthetic.

R and D xx

Duplicate

Hi castle,

Thanks for the support.

I will be also dropping my son off with his dad in a weeks time and think I will be feeling exactly the same. As he is to young for a phone doubt I

Will hear off him much.

Your must of needed that sleep by the sounds of it. Hope you feel better for it.

Have a great weekend

Nicki xx