reborn on the 4th July

Thanks Duncan shiny

Been a hectic few days with work done loads of hours then picked jess up spent time with her so not had time to do much else, one of my books I ordered did come through so read a chapter of that and picked up a few bits already back to work now for another long day

All is well on via gambling front scarily too good which is a worry in itself but I have everything I need and prepared for the unexpected

Hey Castle,

Thanx for your kind message:-)

Love the way you analize yourself and understand that the 'danger' as i say is always round the corner. I am so happy for you and your diary is big inspiration for me. Thank you for sharing your journey to the better and more brighter future:-)

Hope work was kind to you today

Take care and be proud!

Sandra x

Hey Castle ..I have no idea why but I seem to have missed about 2 pages of your posts!! Not sure how that happened as I always make yours a priority...

just to say im reading and am there in the sidelines cheering you on my friend,..as for young Jess and your previous post...as a non parent I am in no position to advise but based on my pals who have kids and who have split many moons ago it seems keeping a united front with your ex wife is the way forward despite what's happened between you both..as it will give Jess consistency ,

My pals boy 8 is doing divide and conquer right now and has his parents in a spin ..lol

R and D xxx

Thanks Sandra Rachael

http://youtu.be/6MFjSOwIkH4

This song has been another inspiration in playing a big part in my recovery , it will always remind me of my split with the ex which was a pivotal moment in my life probably the hardest and bravest things I will ever do , I see so many people in unhappy relationships that stay together for all the wrong reasons but never do anything about it mainly been too scared to take the risk , it was a huge risk for me and at first purely from a gambling perspective a disaster on my own with a license to gamble no restrictions whatsoever it put me in a hole a very deep one 3years later with a lot of digging that risk is finally paying off , to this day I have not one regret it was the right thing to do

To make a massive change in life takes great courage so anyone who does this gets my full respect and more so everyone of us on here who is making that change

We should all be proud

Hey Castle,

First,.. i love this song, so thank you for putting it on:) ( i still can't work out how to do it lol, maybe don't try good enough:) )

Secondly, you couldn't be more right with the view about relationships which don't work out, but people don't do anything about it...seeing my sister in hers breaks my heart, maybe that's why i'm single and don't want to get into that situation, where you need to choose....

I am very glad you have took that brave step and did it...No regrets - That's fantastic!

Changes always on the way and you my friend more than deserve to be happy and by making the right choice every day you doing just that!

Be proud!

Take care and keep fighting the good fight:)

Sandra x

Hear hear Castle ....these last years have been a s**t storm of biblical proportions and its still not over but I also do not have one regret leaving.

In fact if I had stayed I would either have been an alcoholic by now or dead.

I also know many people who are staying in relationships for all the wrong reasons who really don't like each other any more let alone love.

Two of which spring to mind are both on antidepressants flatlining just cope living in the same house...god help then if one decides to come off them.

You can see so clearly others lives when your out of it yourself ..

I think this Xmas may be better than the last Castle xxx

Thanks Sandra Rachael

Just to elaborate a bit more about been brave and making tough decisions, this week at work I found out with great surprise that a like manager in the business was an he but now a she was called this but now wants to be known as this it come totally out of the blue I had no idea , yes there were the little jokes and quips but deep down my thoughts were how brave that individual is to come out in public and make that massive change in life

On a conference today with bout 2000 others and this now lady I guess will be there if I do see her I will quite happily tell her what I feel in a way very inspired as in the end like me they want that better life

Hey Castle

Yes that's a brave decison for that person to do that and certainly will find out who their real friends are ..

We have a lady who comes in and is a regular who used to be a man and I can't even imagine her as a man . She wears just normal women's clothes and is just a really quiet lovely person.

I hope you like the video link Castle ...I particularly could relate to the man in the video ...I think it's interesting how all these people appeared to have it all on the surface,money ,good career, lovely home . I think that's why it's so hard when you start coming clean that something's wrong that its not taken seriously,

My pals are so used to me being the one who is sorted out and can handle anything that when I say all this stuff about myself it's like they can't cope and try and minimise it as if they are in denial.

R and D xx

Thanks for popping in Castle ..

Had a little chuckle there ...apprehensive....? I want my tenant to be terrified at the prospect of living with me !!! Lol lol lol ......be afraid be VERY afraid ! Heh heh heh ..

Its going to be a bit weird and sort of putting it to the back of my mind. Its all to play for until the golf clubs move in ! Xxxx

Thanks Rachael

This week routine thrown out a bit as normally have Fridays off and work sat but this week had sat off . For the last 4 weeks not had one urge at all then yesterday a few came along mainly for the football certainly the trigger was boredom not that I was bored as I quite happily read watched a bit of tv but they were there later I went to the gym and by then they had passed, for me it just shows they will always be there lying in wait but now I understand and accept this not at any point Dieg think I would react to them I knew they would pass

I had jess from bout 4 yesterday and got her all day so back to normality now don't expect any urges now for a while everything else is pretty good nothing to cause me any stress might have got a visit on Tuesday but won't find out till tomorrow so can't worry bout that now

Still one day at a time and today with my inspiration and motivation as always jess is the drive in my recovery

Thanks for the post castle. I'm glad to see your doing well and resisted that urge on Saturday. It is always waiting as you say. It's strange how you change your routine slightly creating that opportunity for a gamble and somehow your brain just knows and the urge comes. Atleast you and I know that as easy as they come they go given a bit of time. It's just about taking a second to think and look at it rationally and then you know what you want to do. Ofcourse its not always as easy as that but the longer we make the right decisions for the easier it gets to keep making those decisions. Anyway good morning to you and have a good week, only 2 more weeks and its the end of the 90 day challenge, don't know where those 90 days have gone?

Thanks Dave

Had a mixed couple of days Sunday was great spent all day with jess and bless her watched E,T and she was heartbroken when E,T went home

Yesterday had a meeting at work and it was a real tough one my line manager is been questioned on his behaviours and how he deals with his managers by his boss so he laid down his expectations of all of us with timescales and consequences if not met, I understand why her doing it but as an area we give our all for him and its so hard with so many restrictions and add the mounting pressure to that, I looked round the room and many concerned faces but we av just got to get on with it, my view is I go to work and do my very best and that's all I can do I won't be pushed into doing more hours than I already do I do though av to keep reminding myself of the good work I do and not concentrate on the negatives with what I'm not doing right

Very frustrating and a huge challenge ahead but there's plenty of fight still in me and it keeps my mind busy, today is a new day and see what that brings

Hey Castle,

I hope you will get on with your challenge with full strength and determination. You getting stronger each day and i'm sure everything is possible. Try to stay calm and focus on the things what are most important and in need of attention.

Thank you for your continued support and understanding.

Hope you have a good day, and work is not putting too much pressure on you.

Take care

Sandra x

Hiya castle. I think whatever you so at work it never seems to be enough. Anyway I hope all goes well with the things you've got to do there and that your efforts are appreciated. Take care and work hard but not to hard!

Hey Castle ...

It's the "pecking order" isn't it? ..top brass get pecked then everyone in the chain gets pecked down the hierarchy..

It's great to hear you have a lot of fight in you and your attitude to work is commendable....just go in and do your best Castle that's all you can do and if your anything like me maybe learn to delegate more...lol xxxx