Shep's diary

Thank you guys. Wish you both the best on your road of recovery.

I know GA meetings aren't for everyone. I know some members who have trie 3 or 4 different regional within a certain radius. All rooms and formats are different so I'm told. Probably the best piece of luck I've had in years!

All the best.

Well done Shep brilliant achievement. Keep it up and keep posting 🙂

Hi guys,

I'm still alive and well and remain gamble free. I still need my GA meetings and miss them when I'm working away. Always nice to return to the group for not only the therapy side but a reminder of the mess this terrible addiction can do. Depending if life is either good or not a meeting brings you back to a reality level. (hope you get what I mean).

One thing I have to live with in recovery is people around me talking about having a bet. Work-mates, friends and family. You cannot cut yourself off from these people. Of course I say I aren't interested for the reason that I don't bet anymore (please remember my wife is the only one who knows about my recovery), if anyone "wins" then i'll say well done! I can live with this. It doesn't put me in a vunerable position. For the fun gamblers out there, all the best, but in my mind i know i was once a fun gambler who slowly went out of control and in to addiction. Bearing this in mind I know I can never return to any form of gambling. Lottery tickets, raffles and even the works sweep stakes. GA has taught me this, it did take some time to digest, but I've learnt and now understand I cannot control my gambling. If I placed the smallest of wagers on anything not only have I undone a years hard work, I know the darker days would soon return, no matter if I won or lost.

I like to look at things for a simple point of view. Our parents or carers teach us many things in life, like crossing a road. "You never cross a road without looking." If you went against this one day you'd up end being caught out. I've now taught myself "I cannot ever return to gambling." I remember my mother having concerns when I had the harmless weekend footy bet. I didn't listen to her and eventually I got caught out. Like crossing the road without looking, the first time you do it you may be lucky, loved the dangerous bit, the thrill etc (like gambling), but carry on you'll eventually get caught out.

All the best.

Hi Shep,

Thanks for your kind comments. I've just had a read through some of your diary and it's amazing some of the similarities between us gamblers. The online sports, the hidden credit card debt, the list goes on.

But the best similarity is the difference in our lives now that it is out in the open and we are gamble free. I'm still in the early stages and struggled a bit with GA, however am having some fantastic counselling sessions just now. I may choose to go back to GA, I'm not sure yet. However I will never gamble again. I'm never going back to that place.

All the best in your continuing recovery.

PA.... I'm not a robot!!

Checking in again been a while, still bet free and nearly two years down the line. Still attending weekly GA meetings who I cannot thank enough. It's everything I ever wished it could be! Where would I be without GA in my life? Now that answer scares me! It would only be a negative answer, but being gamble free for almost two years is positive so I'll stick with that.

Just been looking about the forum and when I see a topic "How much have you lost gambling?" all I think is pointless topic and why would you wish to share this? One of the first things you learn when walking through the door at GA is that the money lost gambling has gone forever! You are focussed on never gambling again, therefore you will never win it back. Some people may have lost their life savings of £5K someone else £100K, who cares? It doesn't make anyone better or worse than anyone else! We are all attending GA because we have a common problem, we cannot control our gambling as we are compulsive gamblers. In that thread some of the experienced people have replied about the amount not being important but the loss of family and friends is worse. I totally agree. The time we spent gambling and planning our next bet, making lies and excuses was all time wasted in our life's for nothing really, apart from the buzz, the fix but that doesn't last long!

I read a post from a newbie "just lost £1500", I did this on numerous occasions but didn't feel the need to post, because my next bet was to win it all back and more, why because I'm a compulsive gambler and no way did I need help. Again some people can afford to lose such wagers, other can't. When I used to get my annual credit card statement even I in the height of my addiciton couldn't believe the turn over of wagers! Sometimes I did have to look twice before quickly ripping up the paper evidence and placing it in the outside bin! Then realising I needed to win some of that back.

I still look back at the "bad old days" and I have grown to realise the darkness is never far behind. I have seen other long term GA members slip away never to be heard again, others enter the room again after a relapse with a better attempt at arresting this addiciton. I have learned so much in the meetings, I've related to many stories, been frightend by others that state fact to where this addiction could have taken me, this is all by listening and contributing to the meetings, now 2 hours a week isn't much to ask is it? I sometimes refer to it as my GA education, which does tie-in to another common subject usually discussed and that is maturity. GA would say I shouldn't look back, but I like to reflect on the progress I have made to what I was. Am I the finished article, definitely NOT, we only arrest this addiction. I have learnt more about myself in the last two years, than the other 43. I'm only one bet away from disaster, the thought of a bet may cross my mind every once in a while but to turn that thought into an actual action would take me several steps, and at the moment I am in charge of my actions so that bet is a long way away. And if I continue working on my recovery it will stay that way, however if I become complacent I must address that and work harder.

Thank you for reading. Hopefully check-in again soon. All the best everyone.

Cracking update Shep 🙂

Congrats on your 2 years!

It works if we work it - ODAAT

Was just popping by, to say thanks for posting on my thread in the "sucess stories" forum.

I was quite a bit shocked to see a forum with that title I must admitt. I'm pleased I did look you up. I've read your last couple of posts on this thread shep and think we share a lot of similar opinions.

I certainley agree with you about the "how much have you lost gambling" thread. I know I lost my marbles and the plot through it for long periods in my life. Still though when you're new to all this stopping/recovery thing I think the amounts of money consume you and it seems important.

I also look back just to remind myself how pathetically low I had sunk, I don't dwell on it but I will never forget. The times I've tried to forget have lead me right back there. If it wasn't the guilt, which I was consumed with, it would be the shame.

I've achieved more in the last year without gambling, than I ever did during the 35 previous years whilst gambling.

Thanks again for your post shep.

Well two years gamble free! It doesn’t feel much better, it’s just another normal day. However when you reflect on times gone by and the “bad old days” you soon realise how life is better and as a person I’ve changed (for the better I hope).

Yes they’re are still debts to pay but I’m comfortable of this. I still have my family a wife a three beautiful girls to whom are priceless. In the midst of gambling I didn’t care, I was number one and picking my next bet was a priority over anything.

Again I have to say a MASSIVE thank you to GA and my local group. Without you life wouldn’t have been as bright as has been for the last two years.

One day at a time, sounds so simple but so effective. Today I will not gamble.

Wishing you all well in recovery.

All the best.

Congratulations Shep on 2 years without a bet.

Wishing you peace, contentment and fun in your gamble free life.

Congrats on 2 years, amazing!

Wilsy

Hi all. Good news first, I'm still gamble free and still enjoy my GA meetings and the massive help it contributes to my recovery.

"We cannot beat this addiction, we can only arrest it. We will always be compulsive gamblers." Stern words for anyone entering the GA meetings and probably not want you want to hear, espcially in your first meeting. I know I didn't but after attending only a handful of meetings I came to understand why.

On Sunday the 11th November I can honestly say I was the closest I've been to a having a bet in over 2.5 years of recovery. I had a thought about gambling, which turned into an urge, which led me in thinking how I could and not be found out. Old BAD habits don't die fast. The addiction was awake inside of me, quite happy to remind me that "I can never beat it, only arrest it." What went through my head in that 20-30 spell was awful. Then the following 3-4 days afterwards, blaming myself and questioning why and where did I go wrong?! These thoughts don't go away as quick as they are made.

I attended my Tues GA meeting and didn't speak about it. I know this was wrong! I always feel better attending meetings, even if I don't always speak out. Sometimes listening is a great source of information to learn and relate too. However this time I did have something to share, something I was struggling to come to terms with and understand. Next day I was questioning myself again! I had to get to Friday's meeting and speak out, which I did and straight away I felt better. I had contact from group members via phone and text, which really helped me.

I now know I've got to cope better with stress that is a trigger for me. But anyone who reads this who is suffering "speak out about it". Whether it's on this forum, with a family memeber or in a GA meeting. Don't struggle and try and cope alone. Your story good or bad will help others. No one in recovery should be alone, please just remember:

"We cannot beat this addiction, we can only arrest it. We will always be compulsive gamblers." Stay one-step in front and this can be achieved by simply talking. The addiciton wants us to struggle, wants us alone and certainly doesn't want us to recover.

Thanks for reading. All the best.