Wednesday.

Been a good day. Pressure off at work as the machine I was working on has been dispatched to Bahrain. All last minute but I did my best in the time allowed.

Enjoyed my GA meeting last night. Nice to catch up and hear from new and old members.

Just chilling tonight. Feel relaxed. Half time Atletico Madrid v Bayern match. Enjoyed the first half along with a Long Island Tea cocktail and a packet of Chilli heatwave Doritos. Great combo!

Told my boss about missing the flight, he took it well. He owned up to a time he'd gone to Stansted without his passport, so didn't even make the trip!

Ok, just time to make one more drink before second half.

Cheers. Thanks for reading.

Evening.

Gamble free Saturday's are a great feeling. With so much sport on and placing NO bets you can say your giving a 2-fingered salute to the bookies, which ever way you wish VICTORY or f..K Off.

GA last night. Nice relaxed meeting. I read some words I'd written. God it was hard getting them out, all I can say is I'm still feeling the pain from my addiction. Is this something I want to heal or should this hurt stay with me to always remind me not to go back? I can openly speak in meetings okay but like the other week speaking about the build-up and hurt I felt with on losing my last bet, bloody difficult. Can anyone reflect or advise on this?

Great Daddy day today. My daughter is 9 tomorrow and she wanted ME not mummy to take her to Build-a-bear for her custom teddy. We both loved it! Again when your betting you are never 100% focused on times, maybe not even there in mind at all.

So family day tomorrow, early rise with the birthday, then party with roller skating then go to watch the Tour de Yorkshire. (And have a beer). Cheers.

Not forgetting, good luck Leicester!

Working away this week in the UK. Under pressure with the job but will get through it. No urges or need to gamble.

Been out tonight with customer so missed Champ League but the conversation an company was good. Last day on-site tomorrow then home. GA meeting Friday,

Life is good but testing at times!

Good night.

Great to read you're getting through it even with all the stress and football! Really amazed to read you're doing those long drives to goto those meetings as well, proves your dedication to beat this. Inspiring to read. Good luck for another day.

Thank you Chubb for those very kind words. What's a few quid petrol money, when I could lose a hell of a lot more in minutes? Still the cheapest and best therapy I can get.

Will have a read about your story now......

Thanks again.

Interesting GA last night. Most of the conversation was about relationship and family problems and not gambling. I suppose this shows another strength of that room. Where people not only talk about a difficult addiction but also open up so much on other personal matters.

We ran out of time discussing meetings v counselling. Which I found interesting. I've always said counselling isn't for me but I suppose that's a stupid statement when I haven't even give it a go. Finding the right counsellor is important, if the two of you don't connect after 2 meetings you need to change. I suppose a counsellor who's an ex-addict would be the perfect combo!?

Anyway, I'm happy with my meetings and the group of people I share and relate my recovery with.

Have a good weekend all. All the best.

Hi shep,

It's funny you say that about a cousellor because mine is exactly that....an ex addict. I definitely think it is helpful as I know he understudands most of what I'm going through.

I did used to go to GA in the past but unfortunately like you I work away from home and both the meetings in my area are on days I am away. Luckily the counselling is giving me the support I need and on a suitable day.

I would highly recommend either as a great place to help anyone with recovery.

Damo

Sunday.

Posted earlier today on a thread about my early years playing fruit machines. Ok, I may have waffled on a bit but it was a true story and one I wished to share. I have always said fruit machines and FOBTs are disgusting machines, programmed to make money for their owners. These have not been part of my addiction and the cause of the damage to my life.

How anyone could call themselves a "professional player" on these machines amazes me! Some "early" machines in local arcades 20-30 years ago had tell-tall signs to regular players that a jackpot was due. (This was fact). Now a days I don't believe these machines do. For gods sake FOBT, Fixed Odd Betting Terminal, the answer is there for you.

New dawn, new day tomorrow.

Hi, Shep,

Glad to see it's going well. re counselling, IMO useful as well as meetings, wouldn't recommend it as a substitute because recovery is ongoing whereas counselling sessions are limited.

re the technicalities of machines, the Steps only refer to gambling in Step One. The other Steps are about recovery.

All the best.

CW

Wednesday (already!)

Enjoyed GA last night. Sat and listened for two hours to a mixture of converstations "good and bad". Two members celebrating 2 & 3 years gamble free. (WELL DONE AGAIN), then introductory stories from a couple of newbies. I'm now over 90 days gamble free but class myself as a newbie, but to them it was their first meeting and a difficult situation. Let's hope they enjoyed the experience and I see them back next week.

Now for my $h!t week so far at work! My colleague of 10 years has decided to move on, he has another job! I know that's life, good luck to him but the timing stinks! We did a lot for this guy last year, when he cost the company a great deal of money! I could go on in great detail but wont. What P!sses me off is we aren't replacing him immediately, meaning more work, stress and whatever else falls on to my shoulders, recruitment for this position will take 4-6 weeks. Any way I'll be strong, speak my mind (which I've already done to my boss) and do my work in the time available best to my ability. And I certainly will not make a bad situation even worse by gambling again! But here's the question that my boss didn't answer "So who's going to cover my work when I go on family holiday for 2 weeks at the end of May?"......... time will tell!

There's my little rant out of the way! Thanks for reading.

Hi Shep,

Love you're posts, i was gamble free for 3 years but sadly just had a relase and back on the road to recovery! i saw you say about a song and how it can help! have a listen to this song that a very good friend showed me its on youtube, it helped me a lot.

Keep up the great posts, its helping me very much.

Thursday.

Thanks Macca. Listened to that song, nice up beat number. The video is cool but all those words changing I'm glad I don't suffer from epilepsy!

Talking of songs was listening to some Paul Weller, then I remembered his song "Changing Man" so I dug out some old CDs and have been listening to Weller & The Jam. Love "Down in the Tube Station at Midnight"!

Read a sad post today from a newbie about losing his wife and kids. I felt his pain poor guy. I've done some damage but at least the wife has given me a chance. Hope his ex does if he makes an honest commitment to beat his addiction.

My daughters 3rd birthday tomorrow. Out for pizza with the family for tea so no GA meeting. Will look forward to Tuesdays.

Thanks for reading.

Friday. (Happy birthday to my youngest!)

No GA meeting tonight due to birthday celebrations.

I've had no thoughts of gambling. Another thought and deterrent for me is the fact that if I had one bet that wouldn't be the end of the relapse. I'm a CG due to the fact I cannot control my gambling. Anyone who does slip whilst in recovery I think does very well to walk away after one bet and accept the mistake they've made. No way do I condone having this bet in the first place! I never want to be in this situation or even bet again. That's my thought of the day.

Cheers.

Sunday,

Lovely weekend so far....

Controlling stress levels with a room full of new toys for my 3 year old was hard but got by! JUST

Yesterday I must have made the most post since I registered on here. Strange one really, it was for a newbie, who I had mixed thoughts about, then I was convinced they needed help, then I thought their not listening. Anyway they can take from it what they wish. I know other members had mixed feelings on the thread. Time will tell.....

So last day of Premiership today. I'm out for a few beers with good friends, one in the 5 likes a bet so no problems there. I'll probably have a secret toast to myself "farewell to gambling" because over the season I know I've lost a lot of money on Premiership games. With Leicester winning the league the bookies will also have made a lot of money. Next season I'll be gamble free and enjoy the football as a sport and not for betting reasons.

The 2nd leg of the Liverpool v Dortmund game which ended 4-3 came at a good time for me in my recovery. I watched it on TV and it proved to me how good and exciting sport can be without the thrill of having money riding on it.

Okay, time to get ready. The sun is shining, life is good. Going to walk the 1.5 mile walk into town. Then a nice cold pint of cidar.

Cheers.

Thanks Phil for those kind words.

You never know how many people actually read the diarys, so feedback is always nice.

Thanks again.