Shep's diary

Shep72 wrote:

Thanks Phil for those kind words.

You never know how many people actually read the diarys, so feedback is always nice.

Thanks again.

Very true Shep. Recovery can be mighty difficult for some and i'm glad your giving this your all. Tri x

Monday.

Well alcohol was certainly no friend of mine this morning! When that alarm went off a 6.30, god did I feel rough! Got through the working day. Another meal tonight as the wife's sister is 30 today. Might have a nice steak pie and a coke.

So a few of us saw a different side of the Newbie Samson last night. What a strange carry on that!? Was he "really" the person he thought he was, had he stolen someones identity? What a funny going on that. Anyway he P!$$ed off a few members. Will he resurface, only time will tell.

So my friend who likes a gamble was out with us. He asked if I'd had a bet because its the last game of the season, "No because I don't bet anymore" was my truthful reply. He had and guess what? He lost! Only needed Norwich to score. Strangely, I only needed Everton to score when I had my last ever bet, guess what? I lost. Well that's over 90 days ago and in a way I'm happy they didn't. Even though it cost me a lot of money it made me realise I needed to admit I was a CG who needed help.

So the fake bomb at Old Trafford is going to cost the club £3 MILLION, wow! How many heads are going to roll for that balls-up? Anyway we all make mistakes in life!

Thanks for reading.

Wednesday,

GA last night, felt good. Even my drive there I felt good. Can't explain why as same old $h!t at work. I opened up for the first time in a meeting about my work, didn't really want to but I did. I suppose that's the only thing at the moment that's causing me stress in my life. Switching off when I leave work is what I try and do now. Next week is going to be interesting, I go on holiday and there's no cover now for my position only 2 apprentices. I'm not going to be on call. This holiday is going to be special to me, in reality it will be the first holiday in 3 years that I wont be gambling on! I can just relax with my family and have no hidden worries, no checking scores and then no chasing!

Sorry to go on but tomorrow I have to attend a meeting in the UK. It's 10 hour round trip then 2-3 hours on-site to virtually defend a bad decision, which has cost a lot of money, made by my boss! I told him over a week ago that I wasn't going to attend due to the fact I was against the decision from the start. However now one of our directors is involved and I've been told I have to attend. Interesting day ahead tomorrow...............

Sorry to go on about work! Family life is good. All the girls are excited for the up and coming holiday. I feel I have a better bond with all my girls now. I've always loved them and tried to be a good dad, now I'm not gambling things can only get even better.

Strange one yesterday, I had a A4 sized envelope delivered so my wife collected the mail whilst I was at work. She isn't opening my mail which I've told she's welcome to do. Anyway I'd opened the post at breakfast and it was just a forecast on my pension, so nothing to hide. So when she came down it was on the side and she asked "what's that post" I replied honestly with her and told her to take a look, but she didn't. I know this may mean she has a level of trust with me but it was uncomfortable. She's happy enough seeing the bank statements and all the transactions made! She always asks me how I found my meetings and if I'm okay with work and life. Shes a good woman but one who will never know what its like to be a CG.

All the best.

Hi Phil,

Strange question, I don't think my honest answer would have any effect on your reply?

Not eaten jelly for a long while. Don't like it when the kids mix it in with ice cream! But yes I suppose i like jelly.......lol

Thursday

Got through the meeting today. Not as stressful as first thought. Been a long day had my 3yr old daughter in our bed at 2am singling Ba Ba Black sheep for an hour. Not good when I was up at 5.30am. Sat in back of car now, boss driving, plus another lad in front, should be home for 10pm.

So how to stay focused in a meeting and take maximum information in.... SIMPLE.... Listen, take mental and hand written notes and have no thoughts of gambling! Job sorted.

Last day at work tomorrow, then I break up for two weeks holiday. Can't wait! Think accidentally leaving the works phone at home will be a bit risky! So the bad signal "white lie" may have to be told!

Thanks.

Perhaps you should increase her repertoire? Old MacDonald? Wheels on the Bus? Teddy Bears' Picnic?

Hope she sleeps better tonight, stay safe.

CW

Lol.

Teddy Bears Pinic maybe, she knows all the rest! I'm not up for singing anything at that time, not even a lullaby.0

Saturday,

Well that's my work done with until after my holidays. Time to start thinking about what I need to pack for my family holiday.

GA last night. Enjoyable meeting, everyone spoke for at least 5mins on life. 2hours flew by.

A good discussion to have in the future is what members opinions are on reaching "rock bottom".

So I've enjoyed watching the FA Cup Final this afternoon but not the result! Wanted Crystal Palace, don't like Man U or their manager.

Hope I've got free wifi on my hols to keep reading this forum. It will be the first time in my recovery that I will miss two weeks of GA meetings, however I'll be back and won't let anyone down.

Thanks all.

Hi All,

Back from the holidays. Great family time. Phone data turned off, hotel only had wifi in reception, so no internet or emails from work.

Only sport I watched was the Champ League Final. Didn't miss sport, didn't have any thoughts for betting!

So back to work today. All morning working through emails, my out of office didn't work! Looking forward to my GA meeting tomorrow, meeting the guys again and relating with one another.

Life feels good, of course this is subject to change! Cheers.

Good to here you had a good time enjoy your meeting tonight looking forward to mine, chairing tonight which I enjoy

Saturday.

Being busy and occupied all day is a great barrier against wanting, thinking about having a bet!

My first week back at work was as expected, HETIC! Enjoyed my GA meeting Tues. Then dishwasher breaks down and I fix that.

Wife then wants a run to IKEA for some new blinds, we both do the run cos she hates driving on the motorway! So now Saturday is here and it's time to fit 8 of the things! Not complaining, just as long as I'm finished for England to kick off tonight.

So weather permitting tomorrow cut the grass!

So apologies for not updating my diary as much but with the light nights there's always things to do in and out of the home.

My only negative in this busy week was whilst I was driving to my GA meeting and listening to TalkSport an advert for one of the big bookies came on with one their so called special offers for Euro16, I did think "that is a good offer" but then thought that's the door left slightly ajar back into a dark place. Temptation is always going to be there, it's around us everywhere. Quickly I changed to RADIO-X and listened to some great indie tracks.

All the best to you all.

Monday

Whether it was a result of watching too much football over the weekend I don't know but last night I had a dream that I gambled. This was a first for me since I started my recovery. I know in the dream I bet then I bet again, I knew it was wrong but I did it. This morning I felt strange, in fact it was like I had a guilty conscience from the night before. Anyway I'd done nothing wrong! I know I fell asleep on the sofa watching the Germany match, woke up then in bed for 10pm. So not a dream, a nightmare really.

Didn't take part in the works Euro2016 sweep stake. Had a few questions asked and P!S$ taking but I can live with that! Then today I hear some of the guys near misses on the weekend bets. In my mind I say "been there, got the tee-shirt, messed up my life, mugs game!"....... then I say "that was hard luck!"

Hoping for sweeter dreams tonight.........but will settle for an England win on Thursday!

GA tomorrow night.

All the best.

Saturday

Not the best of weeks, the only positive is no gambling took place. I've been a right old grump this week! From a personal point of view, nothing has gone right for me! I suppose the England win over Wales was the most positive thing that happend. Hopefully things will get better this weekend. The wife's having a ladies day out in Harrogate with work mates, I've got the girls!

I must learn not to take things to heart. I'd been doing well with this since I started recovery but this week I haven't done well. Missed GA last night as we all should hae been going to a family barbecue party, however it was cancelled last minute due to the weather!

So I raise my morning cuppa and toast to "a good weekend for all."

All the best.

Glad you hear that you're safe and sound, would point out that you don't have to have an addiction for things to go wrong, it happens to everyone. Did you phone a fellow GA member about the dream? Might help?

Hope that this week is easier. Keep doing what you are doing, one day at a time.

BW,

CW

Thanks CW for your comment. I mentioned my dream in my GA meeting. A couple of members had similar tales. What I didn't like was the morning after feeling! At least it wasn't reality.

Busy busy at work. Short staffed but once I get through the next 4 weeks things shouldn't be as hectic.

Been watching the football, did have thoughts about what I would have bet on. No matter win or lose I didn't even look at any prices. No way do I want the dream to come true!

Will be voting tomorrow in the Euro referendum. Hope that's not classed as a form of gambling!?

So England to play Iceland in the Euros last 16. There's no easy games! We never do anything easy, so anxiously looking forward to next Monday night.

Cut grass tomorrow. Then GA ON Friday night.

All the best.