Shep's diary

Well GA last night, really needed that meeting after a bad week.

Thankfully not "bad" due to gambling slip, just "bad" because of my mood and grumpy nature. The smallest mis-hap at home or work has really got to me. Silly things like having faulty remote control at home, to getting angry with a string of red traffic lights. I know this type of mood would have resulted in me betting and probably betting on stupid things as my mind I already messed up. So without having a bet the Friday night GA meeting came at a good time. Do I feel better today? I would say so, but not had some small incident pi$$ me off yet!

At least there is no work today, also got Monday booked off for the wife's birthday. That should be a nice day with the girls all in school.

So here's to a good weekend to all, including myself.

All the best.

Life's good at the moment. Feel a million miles away from having a bet but one day at a time.

My mood has been hell of a lot better also.

Been at a local music festival this weekend. Few beers yesterday, good day. Now sat on a hay bail with a latte in the sun. The beautiful country side in the background. Like I said life is good, but back to the stresses off everyday life tomorrow. One day at a time.

Thanks

Shep72 wrote:

Life's good at the moment. Feel a million miles away from having a bet but one day at a time.

My mood has been hell of a lot better also.

Been at a local music festival this weekend. Few beers yesterday, good day. Now sat on a hay bail with a latte in the sun. The beautiful country side in the background. Like I said life is good, but back to the stresses off everyday life tomorrow. One day at a time.

Thanks

Sounds like fun Shep. Enjoy your week and your GA meeting. TC Tri

Hi,

Relaxing this week wife the wife. Managed to book us a 4day break without kids to Malaga. If I'd have been gambling no way would I have been able to pay for it unless I was racking up more debt. It's nice to be able to save for something special, especially the wife's 40th.

So I've brought the book that my girls bought me for Father's Day "How not to be a professional footballer" by Paul Merson. All I can say is WOW! What this guy went through with his addictions. I really recommend it to anyone on here. Never in my life have I read 150 pages of a book in 1day!

When I'm finished I'll take it to my GA group and read a few parts that we all can relate to, before leaving it for someone else to enjoy.

In my head I'm no where near a bet. Not even a lottery ticket or being in the works sweep stakes. But to be completely honest I'm going to pu myself in a vulnerable position shortly. I know I shouldn't push or test myself but they'll be numerous occasions when I must face my demons. I've spoke through it with the wife and she's happy with certain precautions put in place that I'll pull through. Update later....

All the best everyone.

Excellent call on the book shep download it earlier and it's brilliant all though I think I've been reading it for almost 6 hours now my eye's are starting to go funny lol

Shep/Deano,

i have been looking for some good books to take away on holiday in a couple of weeks.....think I'll give this one go.

Cheers lads

Enjoy the book guys, I did. Finished it now, I'm board sat by the pool now! Home tomorrow.

It just shows Paul Merson was human after all. Never mind him being a professional footballer, he was one of the boys, open to life's ups & downs, but like us all on hear couldn't control his gambling and before reaching rock bottom messed his life up and his family.

Great book to read in my continued recovery.

All the best to him now. He'll always be a great character past and present.

Last week was my birthday. Whilst I was working away my friends organised a trip to York races to the music event which we've attended for the last 5 years. I'm not a horse racing fan in terms of gambling but I know accepting to go was going to put me in to a situation I could have easily have avoided. Let me honestly say I didn't bet or even were tempted, not interested one bit.

From the 8 of us who went only 3 guys "fun bet" on each race. I was questioned to why I wasn't having a bet and I said it was my New Years resolution to stop gambling! (Some truth there)....

I suppose a day at the races can be enjoyed without the need to gamble. Dubai race course seems to do well, but there again everyone there is probably minted.

So last night when the last race was over I made a little toast to myself with a £5 pint of cidar! "Well done Shep" and then went on to enjoy music by the Kaiser Chiefs.

Okay, I know my actions some people will say were stupid, others may say well done. It goes against a rule in the GA handbook, to avoid gambling establishments. However my head says nearly every public place is a gambling establishment. Shops, pubs, city centres. Then having a smart phone!

My wife knew about the trip and believed in me to be honest with her. Which I have been.

Now when it comes to my GA meeting on Tues, do I mention this York trip and say "but I didn't gamble" or just keep quiet about the whole thing as other members may not agree especially the ones who's main losses were on the horses?

All the best. Please post your comments, good or bad. Thanks.

Thanks HL for your comments.

Ok attending the music part only would have seemed a more sensible approach for me but not the other 7 friends I travelled with. No way is this experience going fuel any other days out to the races.

Good point on the music events being a plot to attract more gamblers new & old into the scene, never thought of that!

I know "it was playing with fire". But I knew I was mentally strong not to get burnt.

To be honest I wouldn't advise anyone to do what I did as I don't know how they feel or how they will react. However I know myself better than anyone and went ahead with it. One day we will all face our demons again, it's how we control ourselves when we do. Yes, I made myself face a demon and I won. In my head and during the conversation with the wife, I mentioned my action was the same as going into a pub with a fruit machine, or even watching live sport on TV where we are bombarded with gambling adverts throughout the event and during the intervals.

I'm nearly 6 months gamble free now and in a good place, even before yesterday. My recovery continues.

Hi, Shep,

Before the gambling came to light, some of our best "couple" days out were our occasional days at the races. It's now accepted by both of us that we'll have to find a different activity going forwards, the races are a no go area. Which is a shame but we'll live with it.

Suggest that you do get feedback from your meeting, no point in not telling the whole story when you share. You went to the races but didn't place a bet.

I repeat the quote from a long term GA member: I want to stay dry, so I avoid wet places.

CW

Morning Shep, you've been and come away unscathed which is good. You need to be extra vigilant over the next few weeks I have heard several tales of people going to races or casino etc for a trip out surviving bet free then over the next few days thought creep in that if i can control it at the races then I can control it full stop and you know how that story ends up.

KTF

Many thanks for your comments.

CW: I always like to here your opinion and admire your posts. I suppose one good thing that came out of the day was my friends knew I didn't gamble. Yes, I was questioned why on a couple of occasions and I said "it was my New Years resolution not to gamble again". Remember only my wife knows about my addiction so it's nice for my friends to know I've stopped. Hand on heart only 4 of the 8 gambled on Saturday, none of them big hitters, just fun bets. I know I cannot accept even a fun bet, that would mean letting myself down, my GA group and also my wife.

Oldham: I understand your point on being "extra vigilant" and I will be. My next worry now will be telling the GA meeting!

HL: Thanks again. Agree I did test myself, but this day is something we have done for my birthday for the past 5 years since Madness played there. We all enjoy it, I never planned the first visit it was a lads day arranged by close friends to celebrate my birthday. At the end of the day I could have said "No" or even pulled a last minute "sickie" but no I thought gambling has caused me too much hardship and upset this year, if I hadn't stopped it would have wrecked my life. I'm now enjoying getting my life back on track and want to be happy. Fun days out don't come round that often for me! Last week I had a long hot week working in the UAE, celebrating my birthday away from my family and friends.

At work in the Uk, I said no to the Euro's sweep-stake. Even at Abu Dhabi airport duty free there was a promotion where if you bought a "snickers" you could WIN $100,000 or a small prize of your duty free for free! I informed the young lady that this was a form of gambling (illegal in UAE) that's the reason I declined. She pushed me no further!

Finally, the old argument that gambling addiction is a mental illness. Some agree others fail to agree, I'll sit on the fence on this one, but I know with a strong and focused mind WE are setting up one or the best barriers possible in the fight against the addiction.

Thanks again to you all.

Hi,

Life has been good this week I feel really good inside. On Friday night I went to see Paul Heaton and Jacqui Abbott with my good wife, all I can say amazing! Paul being ex-Housemartins and Beautiful South front man, took me back to my late teens, a time before the bad old gambling days! Having my first car a brown Ford Escort listening to the music on cassette (sorry for the younger members who may not know of this music format), without a care in the world. Afterwards we went into town with friends and I even got up to dance to a few old tunes! Days/nights like this that I now enjoy, without the worry of the gambling days. If this gig was in 2015 I'd of probably only half attended, as half of me would have been thinking of the next bet or even checking bets already placed, looking at live scores or mentally thinking of what bets to pick on Saturday. The bad old days! God I hate them. Makes my stomach turn just thinking about the person I was and even more worrying the person I would have been today if I'd have continued on the downward spiral. Even 6 months down the line I still class myself as a newbie on this road to recovery. My next goal is looking forward to being gamble free at Christmas and New Year. True family time. The importance of the "one day at a time" thinking is a must for any newbie, but like a guy said in one of my GA meetings it's nice to wake on a morning and say to yourself "today I won't gamble" but then on night when all tucked up in bed give yourself a pat on the back and say to yourself " big well done, today I didn't gamble".

Thanks for reading. Shep.

Hello Shep

Always followed your progress but never posted to you before.

Was having a re-read of your threads today and felt you were very deserving of a massive well done.

From facing up to telling your wife to 90 mile(!!!) round trips to attend GA meetings, you have put a huge amount of effort into making the necessary changes, never taking the easy option or making excuses and are rightly reaping the rewards.

See you making a consistently constructive contribution to the forum to boot.

Keep up the good work.

Well done Shep!!!

Hi All,

Thank you for those kind words Glint. I wish you all the best in your recovery.

Missed GA last night was working away down South. I always reflect on the "bad" old gambling days to how I am now. Hotel stop-overs would usually mean work through the day then in the evening find a pub to watch a match and have a bed. If there's no pub to be found just rely on the hotel wif-fi and watch the stats through which ever site or App.

So Monday night was Chelsea v West Ham, I was south of London and some guys in the factory were getting excited for the match. I was so happy in myself not to be interested and just focus 100% on the job I had to do over the two days. In the hotel I enjoyed my meal at 8pm without the need to start checking the scores every 5 mins. Not interested. Then at 8.45 I hear a teenage boy say to his father 1-0 Chelsea, at least someone was happy. Me, well I was enjoying my cheese and buscuits by then! Two glasses of white wine went straight to my head. meaning bed time. Lights off all tucked up by 10pm. In the past probably betting until midnight, chasing or losing winnings. Awake at 5.15am, shower and straight to the factory for 6am, they were expecting me at 8am. Again in the "bad" days they'd have got me at 8am, not focussed on the job, just dissapointment from the night before. The $h!te the gambling addiction put me through.

Even on the train home last night, I didn't know Man City were playing in the ChampLeague, in the past I seemed to know every fixture for the next 48hours.

So I got home just after 10pm. Cupof tea with the wife and a enjoyable hour watching the Olympic cycling. Gold and Silver for GB. Well done you guys, but also well done Shep for not gambling today!

Cheers.